Wednesday, February 21, 2007

King of America 


Yet one could have...but he wouldn't:

George Washington's Speech to the Officers of the Army at Newburgh, March 15, 1783

"Gentlemen: By an anonymous summons, an attempt has been made to convene you together; how inconsistant with the rules of propriety! how unmilitary! and how subversive of all order and discipline, let the good sense of the Army decide.

In the moment of this Summons, another anonymous production was sent into circulation, addressed more to the feelings and passions, than to the reason and judgment of the Army. The author of the piece, is entitled to much credit for the goodness of his Pen and I could wish he had as much credit for the rectitude of his Heart, for, as Men see thro’ different Optics, and are induced by the reflecting faculties of the Mind, to use different means, to attain the same end, the Author of the Address, should have had more charity, than to mark for Suspicion, the Man who should recommend moderation and longer forbearance, or, in other words, who should not think as he thinks, and act as he advises. But he had another plan in view, in which candor and liberality of Sentiment, regard to justice, and love of Country, have no part; and he was right, to insinuate the darkest suspicion, to effect the blackest designs.

That the Address is drawn with great Art, and is designed to answer the most insidious purposes. That it is calculated to impress the Mind, with an idea of premeditated injustice in the Sovereign power of the United States, and arouse all those resentments which must unavoidably flow from such a belief. That the secret mover of this Scheme (whoever he may be) intended to take advantage of the passions, while they were warmed by the recollection of past distresses, without giving time for cool, deliberative thinking, and that composure of Mind which is so necessary to give dignity and stability to measures is rendered too obvious, by the mode of conducting the business, to need other proof than a reference to the proceeding.

Thus much, Gentlemen, I have thought it incumbent on me to observe to you, to shew upon what principles I opposed the irregular and hasty meeting which was proposed to have been held on Tuesday last: and not because I wanted a disposition to give you every oppertunity consistent with your own honor, and the dignity of the Army, to make known your grievances. If my conduct heretofore has not evinced to you, that I have been a faithful friend to the Army, my declaration of it at this time wd. be equally unavailing improper. But as I was among the first who embarked in the cause of our common Country. As I have never left your side one moment, but when called from you on public duty. As I have been the constant companion and witness of your Distresses, and not among the last to feel, and acknowledge your Merits. As I have ever considered my own Military reputation as inseperably connectly with that of the Army. As my Heart has ever expanded with joy, when I have heard its praises, and my indignation has arisen, when the mouth of distraction has been opened against it, it can scarcely be supposed, at this late stage of the War, that I am indifferent to its interests. But how are they to be promoted? The way is plain, says the anonymous Addresser. If War continues, remove into the unsettled Country; there establish yourselves, and leave an ungrateful Country to defend itself. But who are they to defend? Our Wives, our Children, our Farms, and other property which we leave behind us. or, in this state of hostile seperation, are we to take the two first (the latter cannot be removed), to perish in a Wilderness, with hunger, cold and nakedness? If Peace takes place, never sheath your Swords Says he until you have obtained full and ample justice; this dreadful alternative, of either deserting our Country in the extremest hour of her distress, or turning our Arms against it, (which is the apparent object, unless Congress can be compelled into instant compliance) has something so shocking in it, that humanity revolts at the idea. My God! what can this writer have in view, by recommending such measures? Can he be a friend to the Army? Can he be a friend to this Country? Rather, is he not an insidious Foe? Some Emissary, perhaps, from New York, plotting the ruin of both, by sowing the seeds of discord and seperation between the Civil and Military powers of the Continent? And what a Compliment does he pay to our Understandings, when he recommends measures in either alternative, impracticable in their Nature?

But here, Gentlemen, I will drop the curtain, because it wd. be as imprudent in me to assign my reasons for this opinion, as it would be insulting to your conception, to suppose you stood in need of them. A moment’s reflection will convince every dispassionate Mind of the physical impossibility of carving either proposal into execution.

There might, Gentlemen, be an impropriety in my taking notice, in this Address to you, of an anonymous production, but the manner in which that performance has been introduced to the Army, the effect it was intended to have, together with some other circumstances, will amply justify my observations on the tendency of that Writing. With respect to the advice given by the Author, to suspect the Man, who shall recommend moderate measures and longer forbearance, I spurn it, as every Man, who regards that liberty, and reveres that justice for which we contend, undoubtedly must; for if Men are to be precluded from offering their Sentiments on a matter, which may involve the most serious and alarming consequences, that can invite the consideration of Mankind, reason is of no use to us; the freedom of Speech may be taken away, and , dumb and silent we may be led like sheep, to the Slaughter.

I cannot, in justice to my own belief, and what I have great reason to conceive is the intention of Congress, conclude this Address, without giving it as my decided opinion, that that Honble Body, entertain exalted sentiments of the Services of the Army; and, from a full conviction of its merits and sufferings, will do it compleat justice. That their endeavors, to discover and establish funds for this purpose, have been unwearied, and will not cease, till they have succeeded, I have not a doubt. But, like al other large Bodies, where there is a variety of different Interests to reconcile, their deliberations are slow. Why then should we distrust them? and, in consequence of that distrust, adopt measures, which may cast a shade over that glory which, has been so justly acquired; and tarnish the reputation of an Army which is celebrated thro’ all Europe, for its fortitude and Patriotism? And for what is this done? To bring the object we seek nearer? No! most certainly, in my opinion, it will cast it at a greater distance.

For myself (and I take no merit in giving the assurance, being induced to it from principles of gratitude, veracity and justice), a grateful sence of the confidence you have ever placed in me, a recollection of the cheerful assistance, and prompt obedience I have experienced from you, under every vicissitude of Fortune, and the sincere affection I feel for an Army, I have so long had the honor to command, will oblige me to declare, in this public and solemn manner, that, in the attainment of compleat justice for all your toils and dangers, and in the gratification of every wish, so far as my be done consistently with the great duty I owe my Country, and those powers we are bound to respect, you may freely command my Services to the utmost of my abilities.

While I give you these assurances, and pledge myself in the most unequivocal manner, to exert whatever ability I am possessed of, in your favor, let me entreat you, Gentlemen, on your part, not to take any measures, which, viewed in the calm light of reason, will lessen the dignity, and sully the glory you have hitherto maintained; let me request you to rely on the plighted faith of your Country, and place a full confidence in the purity of the intentions of Congress; that, previous to your dissolution as an Army they will cause all your Accts. To be fairly liquidated, as directed in their resolutions, which were published to you two days ago, and that they will adopt the most effectual measures in their power, to render ample justice to you, for your faithful and meritorious Services. And let me conjure you, in the name of our common Country, as you value your own sacred honor, as your respect the rights of humanity, and as you regard the Military and National character of America, to express your utmost horror and detestation of the Man who wishes, under any specious pretences, to overturn the liberties of our Country, and who wickedly attempts to open the flood Gates of Civil discord, and deluge our rising Empire in Blood. By thus determining, and thus acting, you will pursue the plain and direct road to the attainment of your wishes. You will defeat the insidious designs of our Enemies, who are compelled to resort from open force to secret Artifice. You will give one more distinguished proof of unexampled patriotism and patient virtue, rising superior to the pressure of the most complicated sufferings; And you will, by the dignity of your Conduct, afford occasion for Posterity to say, when speaking of the glorious example you have exhibited to Mankind, “had this day been wanting, the World had never seen the last stage of perfection to which human nature is capable of attaining.”

To this very day, we remain in his debt.

"First in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen."

Bauer Powerless 


of mediocre comedy. Excerpt:

"JACK BAUER: [opens cell phone] Chloe, this is Jack. I need you to reposition the satellite.

CHLOE: Why, Jack?

JACK BAUER: I don't have time to explain now, but rogue comedic elements within the government, led by the evil Deputy Under-Over-Rated Ambassador to the Place where Comedy Goes To Die--Al Franken--are using the satellite to spy on the gag-writing sessions around Michael Richards's pool. These jokes are then fed to FOX in order to discredit conservative humor. We've got to stop them or someday, people will actually think Bill Maher was a Comedy Giant. I tremble for my country.

CHLOE: I thought you said you didn't have time to explain.

JACK BAUER: Everybody's a comedian. Can you reposition the satellite, Chloe?

CHLOE: It's too late, Jack--they've already uploaded a Monica Lewinsky joke!"...........

We kid ...because we care.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Non-Binding Irresolution 


But what would binding resolve look like?

This, of course:

"THESE are the times that try men's souls.

The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated. Britain, with an army to enforce her tyranny, has declared that she has a right (not only to TAX) but "to BIND us in ALL CASES WHATSOEVER" and if being bound in that manner, is not slavery, then is there not such a thing as slavery upon earth. Even the expression is impious; for so unlimited a power can belong only to God.

Whether the independence of the continent was declared too soon, or delayed too long, I will not now enter into as an argument; my own simple opinion is, that had it been eight months earlier, it would have been much better. We did not make a proper use of last winter, neither could we, while we were in a dependent state. However, the fault, if it were one, was all our own; we have none to blame but ourselves. But no great deal is lost yet. All that Howe has been doing for this month past, is rather a ravage than a conquest, which the spirit of the Jerseys, a year ago, would have quickly repulsed, and which time and a little resolution will soon recover.

I have as little superstition in me as any man living, but my secret opinion has ever been, and still is, that God Almighty will not give up a people to military destruction, or leave them unsupportedly to perish, who have so earnestly and so repeatedly sought to avoid the calamities of war, by every decent method which wisdom could invent. Neither have I so much of the infidel in me, as to suppose that He has relinquished the government of the world, and given us up to the care of devils; and as I do not, I cannot see on what grounds the king of Britain can look up to heaven for help against us: a common murderer, a highwayman, or a house-breaker, has as good a pretence as he.

'Tis surprising to see how rapidly a panic will sometimes run through a country. All nations and ages have been subject to them. Britain has trembled like an ague at the report of a French fleet of flat-bottomed boats; and in the fourteenth [fifteenth] century the whole English army, after ravaging the kingdom of France, was driven back like men petrified with fear; and this brave exploit was performed by a few broken forces collected and headed by a woman, Joan of Arc. Would that heaven might inspire some Jersey maid to spirit up her countrymen, and save her fair fellow sufferers from ravage and ravishment! Yet panics, in some cases, have their uses; they produce as much good as hurt. Their duration is always short; the mind soon grows through them, and acquires a firmer habit than before. But their peculiar advantage is, that they are the touchstones of sincerity and hypocrisy, and bring things and men to light, which might otherwise have lain forever undiscovered. In fact, they have the same effect on secret traitors, which an imaginary apparition would have upon a private murderer. They sift out the hidden thoughts of man, and hold them up in public to the world. Many a disguised Tory has lately shown his head, that shall penitentially solemnize with curses the day on which Howe arrived upon the Delaware.

As I was with the troops at Fort Lee, and marched with them to the edge of Pennsylvania, I am well acquainted with many circumstances, which those who live at a distance know but little or nothing of. Our situation there was exceedingly cramped, the place being a narrow neck of land between the North River and the Hackensack. Our force was inconsiderable, being not one-fourth so great as Howe could bring against us. We had no army at hand to have relieved the garrison, had we shut ourselves up and stood on our defence. Our ammunition, light artillery, and the best part of our stores, had been removed, on the apprehension that Howe would endeavor to penetrate the Jerseys, in which case Fort Lee could be of no use to us; for it must occur to every thinking man, whether in the army or not, that these kind of field forts are only for temporary purposes, and last in use no longer than the enemy directs his force against the particular object which such forts are raised to defend. Such was our situation and condition at Fort Lee on the morning of the 20th of November, when an officer arrived with information that the enemy with 200 boats had landed about seven miles above; Major General [Nathaniel] Green, who commanded the garrison, immediately ordered them under arms, and sent express to General Washington at the town of Hackensack, distant by the way of the ferry = six miles. Our first object was to secure the bridge over the Hackensack, which laid up the river between the enemy and us, about six miles from us, and three from them. General Washington arrived in about three-quarters of an hour, and marched at the head of the troops towards the bridge, which place I expected we should have a brush for; however, they did not choose to dispute it with us, and the greatest part of our troops went over the bridge, the rest over the ferry, except some which passed at a mill on a small creek, between the bridge and the ferry, and made their way through some marshy grounds up to the town of Hackensack, and there passed the river. We brought off as much baggage as the wagons could contain, the rest was lost. The simple object was to bring off the garrison, and march them on till they could be strengthened by the Jersey or Pennsylvania militia, so as to be enabled to make a stand. We staid four days at Newark, collected our out-posts with some of the Jersey militia, and marched out twice to meet the enemy, on being informed that they were advancing, though our numbers were greatly inferior to theirs. Howe, in my little opinion, committed a great error in generalship in not throwing a body of forces off from Staten Island through Amboy, by which means he might have seized all our stores at Brunswick, and intercepted our march into Pennsylvania; but if we believe the power of hell to be limited, we must likewise believe that their agents are under some providential control.

I shall not now attempt to give all the particulars of our retreat to the Delaware; suffice it for the present to say, that both officers and men, though greatly harassed and fatigued, frequently without rest, covering, or provision, the inevitable consequences of a long retreat, bore it with a manly and martial spirit. All their wishes centred in one, which was, that the country would turn out and help them to drive the enemy back. Voltaire has remarked that King William never appeared to full advantage but in difficulties and in action; the same remark may be made on General Washington, for the character fits him. There is a natural firmness in some minds which cannot be unlocked by trifles, but which, when unlocked, discovers a cabinet of fortitude; and I reckon it among those kind of public blessings, which we do not immediately see, that God hath blessed him with uninterrupted health, and given him a mind that can even flourish upon care.

I shall conclude this paper with some miscellaneous remarks on the state of our affairs; and shall begin with asking the following question, Why is it that the enemy have left the New England provinces, and made these middle ones the seat of war? The answer is easy: New England is not infested with Tories, and we are. I have been tender in raising the cry against these men, and used numberless arguments to show them their danger, but it will not do to sacrifice a world either to their folly or their baseness. The period is now arrived, in which either they or we must change our sentiments, or one or both must fall. And what is a Tory? Good God! What is he? I should not be afraid to go with a hundred Whigs against a thousand Tories, were they to attempt to get into arms. Every Tory is a coward; for servile, slavish, self-interested fear is the foundation of Toryism; and a man under such influence, though he may be cruel, never can be brave.

But, before the line of irrecoverable separation be drawn between us, let us reason the matter together: Your conduct is an invitation to the enemy, yet not one in a thousand of you has heart enough to join him. Howe is as much deceived by you as the American cause is injured by you. He expects you will all take up arms, and flock to his standard, with muskets on your shoulders. Your opinions are of no use to him, unless you support him personally, for 'tis soldiers, and not Tories, that he wants.

I once felt all that kind of anger, which a man ought to feel, against the mean principles that are held by the Tories: a noted one, who kept a tavern at Amboy, was standing at his door, with as pretty a child in his hand, about eight or nine years old, as I ever saw, and after speaking his mind as freely as he thought was prudent, finished with this unfatherly expression, "Well! give me peace in my day." Not a man lives on the continent but fully believes that a separation must some time or other finally take place, and a generous parent should have said, "If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace;" and this single reflection, well applied, is sufficient to awaken every man to duty. Not a place upon earth might be so happy as America. Her situation is remote from all the wrangling world, and she has nothing to do but to trade with them. A man can distinguish himself between temper and principle, and I am as confident, as I am that God governs the world, that America will never be happy till she gets clear of foreign dominion. Wars, without ceasing, will break out till that period arrives, and the continent must in the end be conqueror; for though the flame of liberty may sometimes cease to shine, the coal can never expire.

America did not, nor does not want force; but she wanted a proper application of that force. Wisdom is not the purchase of a day, and it is no wonder that we should err at the first setting off. From an excess of tenderness, we were unwilling to raise an army, and trusted our cause to the temporary defence of a well-meaning militia. A summer's experience has now taught us better; yet with those troops, while they were collected, we were able to set bounds to the progress of the enemy, and, thank God! they are again assembling. I always considered militia as the best troops in the world for a sudden exertion, but they will not do for a long campaign. Howe, it is probable, will make an attempt on this city [Philadelphia]; should he fail on this side the Delaware, he is ruined. If he succeeds, our cause is not ruined. He stakes all on his side against a part on ours; admitting he succeeds, the consequence will be, that armies from both ends of the continent will march to assist their suffering friends in the middle states; for he cannot go everywhere, it is impossible. I consider Howe as the greatest enemy the Tories have; he is bringing a war into their country, which, had it not been for him and partly for themselves, they had been clear of. Should he now be expelled, I wish with all the devotion of a Christian, that the names of Whig and Tory may never more be mentioned; but should the Tories give him encouragement to come, or assistance if he come, I as sincerely wish that our next year's arms may expel them from the continent, and the Congress appropriate their possessions to the relief of those who have suffered in well-doing. A single successful battle next year will settle the whole. America could carry on a two years' war by the confiscation of the property of disaffected persons, and be made happy by their expulsion. Say not that this is revenge, call it rather the soft resentment of a suffering people, who, having no object in view but the good of all, have staked their own all upon a seemingly doubtful event. Yet it is folly to argue against determined hardness; eloquence may strike the ear, and the language of sorrow draw forth the tear of compassion, but nothing can reach the heart that is steeled with prejudice.

Quitting this class of men, I turn with the warm ardor of a friend to those who have nobly stood, and are yet determined to stand the matter out: I call not upon a few, but upon all: not on this state or that state, but on every state: up and help us; lay your shoulders to the wheel; better have too much force than too little, when so great an object is at stake. Let it be told to the future world, that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive, that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet and to repulse it. Say not that thousands are gone, turn out your tens of thousands; throw not the burden of the day upon Providence, but "show your faith by your works," that God may bless you. It matters not where you live, or what rank of life you hold, the evil or the blessing will reach you all. The far and the near, the home counties and the back, the rich and the poor, will suffer or rejoice alike. The heart that feels not now is dead; the blood of his children will curse his cowardice, who shrinks back at a time when a little might have saved the whole, and made them happy. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection.

'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death. My own line of reasoning is to myself as straight and clear as a ray of light. Not all the treasures of the world, so far as I believe, could have induced me to support an offensive war, for I think it murder; but if a thief breaks into my house, burns and destroys my property, and kills or threatens to kill me, or those that are in it, and to "bind me in all cases whatsoever" to his absolute will, am I to suffer it? What signifies it to me, whether he who does it is a king or a common man; my countryman or not my countryman; whether it be done by an individual villain, or an army of them? If we reason to the root of things we shall find no difference; neither can any just cause be assigned why we should punish in the one case and pardon in the other. Let them call me rebel and welcome, I feel no concern from it; but I should suffer the misery of devils, were I to make a whore of my soul by swearing allegiance to one whose character is that of a sottish, stupid, stubborn, worthless, brutish man. I conceive likewise a horrid idea in receiving mercy from a being, who at the last day shall be shrieking to the rocks and mountains to cover him, and fleeing with terror from the orphan, the widow, and the slain of America.

There are cases which cannot be overdone by language, and this is one. There are persons, too, who see not the full extent of the evil which threatens them; they solace themselves with hopes that the enemy, if he succeed, will be merciful. It is the madness of folly, to expect mercy from those who have refused to do justice; and even mercy, where conquest is the object, is only a trick of war; the cunning of the fox is as murderous as the violence of the wolf, and we ought to guard equally against both. Howe's first object is, partly by threats and partly by promises, to terrify or seduce the people to deliver up their arms and receive mercy. The ministry recommended the same plan to Gage, and this is what the tories call making their peace, "a peace which passeth all understanding" indeed! A peace which would be the immediate forerunner of a worse ruin than any we have yet thought of. Ye men of Pennsylvania, do reason upon these things! Were the back counties to give up their arms, they would fall an easy prey to the Indians, who are all armed: this perhaps is what some Tories would not be sorry for. Were the home counties to deliver up their arms, they would be exposed to the resentment of the back counties who would then have it in their power to chastise their defection at pleasure. And were any one state to give up its arms, that state must be garrisoned by all Howe's army of Britons and Hessians to preserve it from the anger of the rest. Mutual fear is the principal link in the chain of mutual love, and woe be to that state that breaks the compact. Howe is mercifully inviting you to barbarous destruction, and men must be either rogues or fools that will not see it. I dwell not upon the vapors of imagination; I bring reason to your ears, and, in language as plain as A, B, C, hold up truth to your eyes.

I thank God, that I fear not. I see no real cause for fear. I know our situation well, and can see the way out of it. While our army was collected, Howe dared not risk a battle; and it is no credit to him that he decamped from the White Plains, and waited a mean opportunity to ravage the defenceless Jerseys; but it is great credit to us, that, with a handful of men, we sustained an orderly retreat for near an hundred miles, brought off our ammunition, all our field pieces, the greatest part of our stores, and had four rivers to pass. None can say that our retreat was precipitate, for we were near three weeks in performing it, that the country might have time to come in. Twice we marched back to meet the enemy, and remained out till dark. The sign of fear was not seen in our camp, and had not some of the cowardly and disaffected inhabitants spread false alarms through the country, the Jerseys had never been ravaged. Once more we are again collected and collecting; our new army at both ends of the continent is recruiting fast, and we shall be able to open the next campaign with sixty thousand men, well armed and clothed. This is our situation, and who will may know it. By perseverance and fortitude we have the prospect of a glorious issue; by cowardice and submission, the sad choice of a variety of evils — a ravaged country — a depopulated city — habitations without safety, and slavery without hope — our homes turned into barracks and bawdy-houses for Hessians, and a future race to provide for, whose fathers we shall doubt of. Look on this picture and weep over it! and if there yet remains one thoughtless wretch who believes it not, let him suffer it unlamented."--Tom Paine, 'The Crisis', December 23, 1776

"Non-Binding" is just another way to say "We lack the courage of our convictions."

It says to the enemy "If you can create enough carnage, we'll give you the victory you cannot win on the battlefield."

It says, not to our soldiers, but to the terrorists "Hold on--help is on the way!"

And the funniest thing of all; just as some politicians in Washington, D.C. are losing their moral compass along with their spines, our soldiers in Iraq have found their bearings and are winning on the ground. That's right; We're Winning.

Those politicians are merely in Washington; our troops are of him.

Victory Forever!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

"We're Mad At Gas Cars 


Mark Steyn:

"As Mark Fenn of the Worldwide Fund for Nature says in the new documentary ''Mine Your Own Business'':

''In Madagascar, the indicators of quality of life are not housing. They're not nutrition, specifically. They're not health in a lot of cases. It's not education. A lot of children in Fort Dauphin do not go to school because the parents don't consider that to be important. ...People have no jobs, but if I could put you with a family and you could count how many times in a day that that family smiles. Then I put you with a family well off, in New York or London, and you count how many times people smile. ...You tell me who is rich and who is poor."

Well, if smiles are the measure of quality of life, I'm Bill Gates; I'm laughing my head off. Male life expectancy in Madagascar is 52.5 years. But Mark Fenn is right: Those l'il malnourished villagers sure look awful cute dancing up and down when the big environmentalist activist flies in to shoot the fund-raising video.If "global warming" is real and if man is responsible, why then do so many "experts" need to rely on obviously fraudulent data? The famous "hockey stick" graph showed the planet's climate history as basically one long bungalow with the Empire State Building tacked on the end. Completely false.

In evaluating industrial impact, the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change used GDP estimates based on exchange rates rather than purchasing power: As a result, they assume by the year 2100 that not only South Africans but also North Koreans will have a higher per capita income than Americans. That's why the climate-change computer models look scary. That's how "solid" the science is: It's predicated on the North Korean economy overtaking the United States."...................

Yet these same ColorfulNatives(tm) who must overtake the US economy in order to validate Global warming predictions will also be expected to remain unemployed under the strictures of a Global Warming no-growth regime. They will be kept in Third World petting zoos so Western Liberals can feel good about themselves. If the choice is a Madagascarian dying at fifty or a Manhattanite contracting Low Self-Esteem, guess who's gotta go?

Liberals to LittleBrownPeople(tm): "You want a better life? Get adopted by a Movie Star."

The last time Liberals went on the environmental rampage, millions of people lost their lives. Rachel Carson got more people killed with DDT bans than Stalin did with famines and purges. But she meant well--and that's the important thing. Or as Joni Mitchell sang: "Hey, farmer, famer, put away that DDT. Give me spots on my Africans but gimme the birds and the bees!". I quote from blessed memory.

I was just calculating how many PeskyPigmentedPeoples(tm) have been sold out since the election.

By my count, Liberals have sold out Iraqis on the surge and American Samoans on the minimum wage.
By demanding Bush not disturb Iran, they've sold out the Iranian students.
By showing up in Syria with hat in hand, they've sold out the Syrian people. Not to mention the Lebanese.
They've sold out mostly minority newborns over AIDS-prevention screenings.
Ditto Venezuelans. Except for this guy, have you heard a peep from them over Chavez' Presidente-for-Life power-grab?
We don't even count the Cubans anymore. The Left has sold them out for so long that Cubans have their own category on E-Bay. Doctors just discovered why Castro's colon is blocked--a dozen news bureaus and half of Hollywood are imbedded there.

That's a lot of selling out since Democrats won the election and started the "100 Legislative-Hour" clock.

Incidentally, don't try that Fuzzy Math clock-thing at home:

Wife: "Where have you been?"
Husband: " I've been down at the bar."
Wife: "You were supposed to be home for dinner--last night's dinner! You said you would only be a couple of hours!"
Husband: "No, honey; I said a couple of "legislative hours"--sometimes those can stretch out for days!"
Wife: "I'll show you 'stretch out for days!'"
Husband: "Owwwwww!!!!!!!"

As of today, Democrats have run off 42 hours and 25 minutes from the 100-hr. clock. Let's see...they've been in office three weeks--3 into 42...Congratuations, Democrats! You have now worked three consecutive grueling, back-breaking 12-hr., 8-min.and 20 seconds-work-weeks!

Don't knock it--it works for France.

Also Madagascar. But at least they can die unemployed and happy as they shoo the flies from their eyes, knowing that their leaders, flush with transfer payments from the West, will be spending the money wisely at the baccarat tables of Monaco so Ted Turner can live the Captain Planet fantasy.

Nice work...if you can get it.

But if you get it, don't let them know.

UPDATE: Hog On Ice, famous for keeping Nigerians gainfully employed, has some similar thoughts.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Happy Birthday, Mr. President 


1. Trust in God. Even if.

2. Pray for your enemies. Even though.

3. Call what is good, 'good'. And call what is evil, 'evil'.

4. Then act accordingly.

5. Optimism is a communicable ease.

6. Class is its own reward.

7. Reagan was both a hedgehog--who knew one big thing...AND a fox, knowing many little things. His detractors remain over-educated asses, who know everything--and badly.

8. When you finally succeed in moving the mountain, those who opposed moving it in the first place will say:

a.) that the mountain would have inevitably moved on its own, anyway.
b.) that you were just lucky it moved while you were in charge.
c.) that it was actually the hostile tribal chieftain encamped on the mountain who made it move.
d.) "We're not really for Mountainism--we're just anti-anti-Mountainist!"

And lastly,

e.) "Hey; we helped move the mountain, too!" (while secretly clinging to the belief that the mountain was just fine where it was.)

9. America is the greatest country in the world, with one exception;

10. There are no exceptions.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Rush Limbaugh 


of the Politically Correct Football Pick, offers this:

"So I guess if we wanted to do a diversity pick, we'd look at these coaching staffs saying, “Are they evenly split? Do they have female trainers, assistant trainers?” I don't have access to that kind of information on the coaching staffs of both teams. Diversity pick would be tough. The environmental wacko method is going to be hard enough. You have two animals here. You have the Bears, and certain kinds of bears are stranded. They're so stupid they're stranded out there on a floating iceberg, heading off into the melting sun to the equator. The Colts, horses, I mean, look what they have allowed. Have you ever seen the way these horses are humiliated in the Budweiser commercials? It's much easier to control and tame a horse than it is a bear. There are all kinds of ways we can go with the environmentalist pick on this."

In respectful tribute to Rush (and because "respectful tribute" sounds better than "shameless rip-off"), I thought I'd attempt this at home, despite Rush's many well-placed warnings to the contrary.

Okay, you've got the Indianapolis Colts with Peyton Manning under Tony Dungy versus the Chicago Bears with Rex Grossman under Lovie Smith.

First, the cities.

The name 'Chicago' is thought to derive from the Indian word for wild onion or garlic field, the place where American Indians invented pizza. 'Indianapolis' is also tribute to the American Indian--but then they had to ruin it by adding the Greek word 'apolis', thus asserting the primacy of Western Civ.

At first glance, you might think that Chicago would win culturally as the home to the greatest black jazz and blues artists of our time. True--but Indianapolis will forever be associated with the 70's anthem "Indiana Wants Me (But I Can't Go Back There)", the story of a fugitive murderer. There is nothing more Politically Correct than the Rights of Criminals.

On the other hand, Chicago, to it's PC credit, is run by a corrupt Democrat machine. Yet Chicago cannot be forgiven for one thing: when Geraldo Rivera was in Al Capone's vaults, Chicago let him escape. Unforgivable.

Advantage: Indianapolis.

Secondly, the animals; Colts vs. Bears.

Bears need a lot of habitat. This is good. Every once in a while, an animal lover with a head full of Yogi Bear cartoons and armed with nothing but some pepper spray goes to live among the bears. The bears have a name for pepper spray; they call it "Tabasco".

Because one scientist thought the polar bears looked tired, thus proving Global Warming, we should turn over our entire economy to Kofi Anan's nephews. And bears are native species, whereas horses were introduced by European colonialists.

However, colts are baby horses. And as evidenced by the ascension of MS. Pelosi, this is The Year of the Child. Yes, the Speaker's Gavel will now be wielded exclusively for the benefit of The Children(tm). That's why Rahm Emmanuel sat on those Foley e-mails for a year--because he cares. Deeply.

Why, just the other day, Democrats proved their concern for The Children(tm). After an intense backdoor push by the Anally-Retained Community, Democrats cut off money for AIDS-prevention screenings in newborns . Democrats evidently believe it would be selfish of us adults not to share our STDs with children. And Political Correctness is all about sharing. Thank you, Nambla Pelosi!

Advantage: Colts

Third, the coaches; Tony Dungy vs. Lovie Smith.

Much has been made of the fact that both coaches are black. Good news? Of course not! If both coaches are black, that means that a black coach will lose the Superbowl, proving that the Man is still holding the Brother down. We'll know that America has made progress only when two black coaches compete against each other--and both win!

How to resolve this? We took our Politically Correct Brand(tm) Melanin-Meters and Pigmentometers to Miami and scanned both coaches. Lovie Smith has darker skin and is presumptively a bigger victim. However this is not an iron-clad rule; there's always the Clarence Thomas Exception--and if Dungy could prove some mixed ancestry, he might even qualify for vaunted Sally Hemmings Status. It's a draw--but I'm available to moderate your next National Conversation on Race!

Both coaches have a Politically Incorrect mark against them--they're both Christians. Terrible, yes--but again, a draw.

Tie-breaker? It's a stretch, but 'Dungy' rhymes with 'Bungee'.

Advantage: Dungy.

Fourth and last, the quarterbacks; Rex Grossman vs. Peyton Manning.

'Manning' sounds manly. That's bad. And it even sounds vaguely miltaristic, as in "manning the barricades". On the other hand, 'Grossman' comports with feminist theory: men are gross. But I'm a man and, what the hell, men ARE gross. But 'Rex' means 'king'. You know--like King George McChimplerbush the Second. That seals it.

Advantage: Peyton Manning

Okay, let's review.

As Superbowl Sunday/National Wife-Beating Day approaches, we can see that the Indianapolis Colts with quarterback Peyton Manning under Coach Tony Dungy lead in every Politically Correct category. Congratulations, Colts--you're our Politically Correct Football Pick-winner!

Unfortunately for the Colts, political correctness is the opposite of reality--so in reality, the Bears win 27-24!

Remember: enjoy the game--but don't forget the vague sense of guilt!

UPDATE: After much long, long soul-searching (and after consulting the scoreboard), I now renounce my previous support for the Bears. I was lied into supporting the Bears by faulty scouting reports from the evil Neo-Chicagoans. Our great nation could have avoided the indignity of seeing Prince dressed like Aunt Jemima if only the two teams had sat down and worked out their differences without playing the game. No more mad rush to Super Bowls!

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