Wednesday, April 26, 2006

MNN's Up-Made Update 

"More Americans Get Their Manufactured News From MNN Than From Any Other News Manufacturer!"

***Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice recently told Iran to stop "playing games" with its nuclear program.

In response, Pres. Ahmabadbadboy of Iran claimed Secretary Rice "didn't say 'Simon Says!'" and noted that her answer to the problem was "not phrased in the form of a question".

***Tired of criticism over its pre-war intelligence, the CIA fired back today, saying it had conducted many successful covert operations, including disinformation and black-ops aimed at regime change.

"And those are just the ones we conducted against the Bush Administration," said CIA spokesman "Spooks" Mann.

A group of current and former government officials also told Manufactured News that they have uncovered damning and incontrovertible evidence that the United States of America is, in fact, in possession of nuclear weapons.

***In a speech on the House floor Sunday, Rep. Dennis Kucinich outlined his own immigration plan.

"These aren't 'illegal aliens'," said Kucinich, "They're 'undocumented space-travelers'. These beings are simply doing the inter-planetary exploration that Americans don't want to do."

The Ohio lawmaker also decried Earth Day as "planetism". "We need to stop practicing planetary privilege and honor all the planets of Anti-Gravity's Rainbow. That's why I'm proposing a new federal overpaid holiday called "Uranus Day"."

When asked "Why Uranus?", Kucinich said he "just liked saying the word."

Rep. Kucinich also proposed federal tin-foil subsidies for low-income whack-jobs.

***Sen. Ted Kennedy's call for new taxes on oil companies was too much for one Nantucket woman. So Seagull Koosinart-Wyndefarm took action, forming the group "Mothers Against Drunk Kennedys".

"I thought 'He must be drunk'--if gasoline is expensive now, how would a new tax on gasoline-makers do anything but raise the price even further?" said Ms. Wyndefarm. "And that's when I decided to form M.A.D.K.."

The group wants to create a device similar to the breathalyzer ignition-lock for drunk drivers--only this device would be mounted to the voting buttons on legislators' desks, to prevent L.U.I., or legislating under the influence. "We call it the 'Legis-lyzer'," said Wyndefarm. "We're also working on a device that would prevent L.W.A., or legislating while asleep," she added.

*In the wake of Tom DeLay's impending resignation, NPR faces massive lay-offs.

"At first, we were delighted when we heard the news--after all, we'd been working for this result for years," said National Proletarian Radio's Libby Ruhl-Baez, "but then we quickly realized that we would have to lay off some of the reporters in our 13,000-person "Get DeLay!' bureau."

"Fortunately, we were able to move some of these reporters to our "Get Bush!" and "Get Rummy!" bureaus, and others were placed in our newly-formed "Get-Anyone-and-Everyone-the-Republicans-Might-Nominate in-'08!" bureau," said Baez.

"And thanks to a generous grant from the J. Abramof Foundation, we were able to send many reporters on feature assignment, to do stories like those of the tri-sexual tree-dwelling baboons of Borneo who compose Baroque symphonies in Chaldean cuneiform, or the Pi-curious paraplegic Palestinian physicist who owns the world's 864th-largest ball of string--you know, stories that matter."

***Oliver Stone rocked the entertainment world today when he recanted the central thesis of his film "JFK".

"When I blamed the CIA for overthrowing the Kennedy Administration, I was wrong," said Stone. "Oh--don't misunderstand me; I still think they did it. But I now believe it's perfectly fine for faceless and unaccountable rogue CIA officers to undermine and overthrow presidents--Republican presidents, anyway."

When asked what he thought of the new film blaming Castro for the assassination, Stone replied "I asked my Fi-Fi...I mean, my friend Fidel if he was involved and he assured me he wasn't--that's good enough for me. I mean, if you can't trust Fidel Castro, who can you trust, really?"

Mr. Stone refused to take further questions, saying he had to leave at once for Havana to attend the grand opening of Castro's new park, "Dealy Plaza del Sur", a historical recreation of the Dallas site complete with grassy knoll, book depository and opening ceremonies provided by the Cuban Olympic Marksmen's Team.

"Fidel has demanded I ride in the motorcade as Grand Marshall," said Stone, somewhat sinkingly.

***After a spate of racial incidents, some of which may have even been real, the University of Colorado has adopted new tolerance and hate-speech guidelines. Oddly however, the new guidelines did not include canceling Ward Churchill's Ethnic Studies class.

In more unrelated news, Congress awarded Prof. Churchill his own faux-1/64th Federal Casino License after various lawmakers also received a generous grant from the J. Abramof Foundation.

***Mayor Ray Nagin had a flash of inspiration. Yes, that's news.

"When I heard the president of Duke had cancelled lacrosse season, an idea hit me like a ton of chocolate; President Bush should just cancel this hurricane season!" said the MENSA-minus-mayor.

The White House said it would refer the mayor's request to Karl Rove, who despite having relinquished some of his duties, still controls the weather.

***Sen. Arlen Specter introduced legislation that would defund the NSA's Terrorist Surveillance Program until Congress gets some answers.

"We in Congress have questions we need answered before we give this program any more money," said Specter.

"For example, when al Zaqari calls an accomplice in Detroit, is he getting his free nights and weekend minutes or is he being charged outrageous roaming fees? And are there service areas where calls just drop out?" asked the Senator, adding "I hate that."

"Sure, terrorists are evil--but as telecom consumers, they are entitled to good service and clear, uninterrupted signals just like anyone else," said the Pennsylvania Republocrat.

Under the Constitution, Congress of course controls the purse strings. Evidently it also controls the high heels, the fishnet stockings and matching evening gown-strings as well.

And, yes, it does makes you look fat, Senator.

"Can you hear me now?"

***And in a truly bizarre episode, former Vice-President Al Gore called a press conference, strode to the microphone and angrily screamed out the words "Phonebill Song!!!" at the top of his remarkably life-like animatronic lungs.

Mr. Gore then turned and left, leaving the assembled reporters even more confused, baffled and clueless than is the usual industry standard.

***When Congress recently passed gas-gouging legislation, little did they suspect that they would soon be hoisted by their own lead-free petards.

"Today, we have filed charges against several legislators for fuel price-gouging," said Palm Beach County State Attorney's Office spokesman Lem Rushbaugh.

"After all, government makes three times what the oil companies make per gallon. And the oil companies do all the work," added the highly-trained spokesman. "If that's not price-gouging, then somebody should tell me what is."

Sunday, April 23, 2006

"Take an oath...but call me in the morning anyway!" 


This little story has more greasy tentacles slipping into more well-lubricated orifices than a Clinton/Clooney/Mahr three-way free-love tag-team at a Playboy Mansion orgy.

The nexus between the Slanted Press, Leftist Think-Tanks, Democrat Politicians and Rogue Intelligence Officers is no longer mere nexus, but a seething, breathing, twisted, twirling Tantric knot of terrorist-enabling Lefty-love.

Cold Fury calls it, correctly, an illegitimate "shadow government".

In Britain, a shadow government is merely the opposition party, with members assigned specific portfolios. But our shadow government demands the right to make policy, to thwart the policies of the duly-elected executive, distort the public discourse, smear any opponent, break any oath and betray any secret and sell-out any ally in its heedless and reckless quest to regain power. It is, in short, not mere opposition, but an attempted coup.


"Sweetness & Light points out that Dana Priest is married to William Goodfellow, the Executive Director of the the Center for International Policy (CIP). At the top of its web site is CIP's mission statement: "Promoting a foreign policy based on cooperation, demilitarization and human rights." It appears that CIP's idea of "demilitarization and human rights" is best exemplified by Cuba.

Sweetness & Light goes on to hightlight connections among CIP, which operates The Iraq Policy Information Program, Joe Wilson, and Dana Priest. This is not just guilt by association: Priest herself participated in an anti-Iraq war program put on by her husband's group, CIP, along with Joe Wilson and other even more unsavory characters. (Via
The Corner).

Then we have Ms. McCarthy, the CIA leaker, who turns out to be a substantial contributor to the Democratic Party."

The NY Times wrote what amounts to a legal defense brief/press release/love letter on McCarthy's behalf, complete with excuses, fawning character witness statements, pleadings in the alternative (Ace: "She didn't do it! But if she did do it, it was due to her courageous independent streak and high patriotism! But she didn't. Just saying-- if she did. Which she didn't. ...[But] if she did do it -- which she didn't -- she had no alternative!")...and the Times even tells us that her special concern was--wait for it--preventing leaks!

"Colleagues Say C.I.A. Analyst Played by the Rules"

"In 1998, when President Bill Clinton ordered military strikes against a suspected chemical weapons factory in Sudan, Mary McCarthy, a senior intelligence officer assigned to the White House, warned the president that the plan relied on inconclusive intelligence, two former government officials said."

"McCarthy's reservations did not stop the attack on the factory, which was carried out in retaliation for Al Qaeda's bombing of two U.S. embassies in East Africa. But they illustrated her willingness to challenge intelligence data and methods endorsed by her bosses at the CIA."

The article fails to say that McCarthy reversed herself before the 9-11 Commission, signing on to the Clarke/Berger/Albright/Gore/Clinton view: Sudan--meaning bin Laden-- was brewing chem-bio material with assistance from Baghdad. So much for Princess Principle.

(What is truly interesting here are the psychological contortions of the Liberal Mind that allow them to say Saddam was helping bin Laden with WMDs...thus proving there was no collaboration nor WMDs.)

"She was known as a low-key professional during her time at the White House who paid special attention to preventing leaks of classified information and covert operations, several current and former government officials said. When she disagreed with decisions on intelligence operations, they said, she registered her complaints through internal government channels."

If by proper "channels", we mean the newspapers.

"Some former intelligence officials who worked with McCarthy saw her as a persistent obstacle to aggressive anti-terrorism efforts." [...]

"In the case of the Al Shifa pharmaceutical plant in Khartoum, Sudan, her concerns may have been well-founded. Sudanese officials and the plant's owner denied any connection to Al Qaeda."

Oh. Well, if he denied it, nevermind then. But think about it; Sudan couldn't build a ham sammitch if you gave them bread and ham. But their first priority under al Qaeda is to build...an aspirin factory?

"In the aftermath of the attack, the internal White House debate over whether the intelligence reports about the plant were accurate spilled into the press."

They didn't "spill into the press". They were lawfully released by President Clinton to counter political opposition and inform the public--exactly as President Bush did when Joe Plame started his exciting new career in Public Lying.

But that's a different black-op against the President. Isn't it?

[...] "Government officials said that after McCarthy's polygraph examination showed the possibility of deception, the examiner confronted her and she disclosed having had conversations with reporters." [...]

In other words, this saint, this paragon of public virtue, Our Lady of Langley is...what's the phrase I'm looking for?...oh, yeah; an ADMITTED, SELF-CONFESSED LIAR.

"But some former CIA employees who know McCarthy remain unconvinced..."

What? They don't believe her either?

As for her many Democrat campaign contributions, that is her right. Indeed, I encourage all citizens to support their candidates (Chinese generals seeking ICBMs from the Clintons excepted).

But here's the thing; when the People have spoken and the election is over, a government employee must honor that result. McCarthy would not let the campaign end. She chose instead to use America's most closely-held secrets as de facto campaign contributions for the Permanent Campaign to Get Bush.

Using government property, programs, policies and agencies as personal property is, of course, a Clintonista hallmark. From Berger's britches to Al Gore's Citizenship for Votes program, from selling pardons to persecuting Billy Dale, pawing through Republican FBI files or using the IRS for political audits, this is all Standard Operating Procedure for that crowd.

Andrew McCarthy says "Show me the handcuffs". Quite right.

Dana Priest believes she has the Constitutional Right to declassify any secret she likes. The Pulitzer Committee thinks it has, by awarding them Pulitzers, immunized these reporters who have forewarned our enemies and damaged our alliances.

These people are in for a big surprise when they finally get the frog-march they've all clamored for--and it won't be Karl Rove's.

Friday, April 21, 2006

"The Bible 


I am to love my neighbor as myself, in the manner needed, in a practical way, in the midst of the fallen world, at my particular point of history. This is why I am not a pacifist. Pacifism in this poor world in which we live - this lost world - means that we desert the people who need our greatest help."-- Francis Schaefer

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Not. Another. Dime. 


As most of you know, military recruiters were threatened by a radical anti-war mob when they tried to participate in a jobs fair at the University of Santa Cruz. The recruiters had their tires slashed and had to be escorted to safety by campus police, even though it should have been the rioters being escorted to jail.

Couldn’t the university at least give the recruiters the same deal they gave Mumia at Commencement Exercises in 2000 and let them address the students by phone?

"Event organizers said Abu-Jamal made the recording especially for UCSC. According to the organizers, a student who has contacts with Abu-Jamal helped arrange it.

Use of the taped speech has the approval of the Merrill College administration. Student support for an Abu-Jamal speech is “overwhelming,” said Merrill Provost John Schecter.

“The whole idea of airing a voice struggling to be heard is consistent with Merrill’s core values,” Schecter said. “Merrill is known for its respect for world cultures and developing a sense of social conscience.""

Got that? Shooting a cop in the back demonstrates a ‘social conscience’ and earns you a place of honor at UCSanta Cruz.

Here’s another upcoming event:

Former U.S. ambassador to Iraq [you mean former SecState wanna-be and current serial liar] Joseph Wilson—the husband of outed CIA operative Valerie Plame—will be among the featured speakers at "The War on Terror: A Credible Threat," [meaning terrorism is no threat but Bush is] a daylong teach-in ["teach-in"? Could you possibly be any more stuck in the '60's?] that will take place on Monday, April 24, at UC Santa Cruz in the Quarry Amphitheater.

The 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. public event will feature nationally known speakers for a day of reflection on U.S. international politics and university life. Guest speakers will include U.S. Representative Sam Farr; prominent law professors from UCLA, UC Berkeley, Columbia, and Georgetown University; Santa Cruz mayor Cynthia Mathews; and senior UC Santa Cruz faculty members. Chancellor Denton is also expected to attend and speak briefly. Admission is free. [...]

The teach-in is designed to address growing concern over warrantless searches of U.S. citizens, confirmed reports of torture in U.S.-controlled prisons, alleged violations of constitutional and international law in the war on terror, and the deteriorating situations in Iraq, Afghanistan, and the Middle East. It was initiated by Faculty Against War—a group of 25 senior UC Santa Cruz faculty members—and a coalition of student organizations, including Students Against War (SAW).

[The co-ordination between the Chancellor, Faculty Against War and Students Against War proves that it is official university policy to riot against military recruiters. This violates the Solomon Amendment--passed by Congress, signed by the Executive and ratified unanimously by the Supreme Court--which forbids federal funds to go to such a school. It is also a violation of federal sedition statutes, not to mention state and local laws against inciting a riot. Not to mention creating a hostile environment for those students who may actually wish to serve their country, not just leech off of it.]

"As educators, we feel an obligation to respond, and so we have chosen to respond with education,” noted UC Santa Cruz politics professor Michael Urban, who spoke on behalf of Faculty Against War. [You don’t do education anymore, pal--only indoctrination, and on the taxpayer’s dime.]

The idea for the event grew out of outrage at the Pentagon’s spying on antiwar activities by students and a recent report in which UC Santa Cruz was characterized as being a "credible threat" to national security. Chancellor Denton challenged that designation with members of Congress, and it was subsequently removed from the Pentagon’s database. [Put ‘em back on it.]

"This event is an effort to spark a national movement similar to the kind of effective teach-ins that were mounted in the 1960s and 1970s about the war in Vietnam," said feminist studies professor Bettina Aptheker." [Dream on, you ossified gas-bag].

The list of speakers include the usual smattering of professional perverts, Stalinist boot-lickers, racialist pigmentarians, America-haters, crotch-worshippers, Marx-o-maniacs, peace-creeps, man-haters, tree-huggers and terrorist-sympathizers...but this one is funny:

Neferti Tadiar, UCSC Associate Professor, History of Consciousness

BWAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Please. Stop. You're making my predialectic paradigm decontextualize.

Normal person: "So...what do you do?"

Academic: "I'm a professor."

Normal person: "What do you teach?"

Academic: "I teach, uh, history."

Normal person: "Really? That's great. What kind of history?"

Academic: "Uh, the, uh...History of Consciousness."

Normal person: "Is that like when a criminal shoots a cop in the back?"

Academic: "No--that's 'conscience'. I explore 'consciousness'."

Normal person: "Is that like when students fall asleep in class?"

Academic: "No, no. Since you asked, it deals with the semioticistic supercalifragilistic origins of mythopoetical prepostdialectical modes of being, from Foucault to Freidan , from Marx to Madonna, from Eve to Eve Ensler, from Gaia to Gorbachev, from William Penn to Edward Teller, from..."

Normal person: "Stop. Stop now. No wonder they fall asleep."


Normal person: "Really, though; what do you teach?"

Academic: "Please. I'm afraid you really wouldn't understand."

Normal person:


Normal person: " 'Bush Sucks!'?"

Academic: "Exactly."

Here’s what needs to happen;

1.) The University needs to stop acting like a RICO entity or face prosecution.

2.) Those tied-dyed Brown-Shirts need to be prosecuted and expelled.

3.) All federal funding should cease yesterday until those conditions are met. And

4.) It would be a darn shame if a bunch of real Americans showed up at this Wilson Lie-In. A darn shame. Although it is difficult for real Americans to participate, as they have real jobs--unlike the students, the faculty, the administrators--and Joe Wilson.

Mr. Wilson, of course, hangs around his Saudi-funded office on his Saudi-funded couch in Saudi-funded suit drinking his Saudi-funded three-fingers--okay; four this time-scotch...and has vowed never to work again in his lifetime, in order to keep Bush's unemployment figures up.

People are entitled to their opinions. But they are not entitled to their own laws. Nor to the public teat while hijacking a public institution for a private political purpose.

If UCSC wishes to be the "George Soros School for Petulant Children", let him sink his millions down that rat-hole. Not the taxpayers, who had to cough up 80 million last year alone by the sweat of their brows, only to be lectured about how badly their country sucks.

Not Another Dime.

In other words, Shut-up and Teach.


Sunday, April 16, 2006

The Good News 


Matthew 28:

1. After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb.

2. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it.

3. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow.

4. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.

5. The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified.

6. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay.

7. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

8. So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples.

9. Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him.

10. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."

11. While the women were on their way, some of the guards went into the city and reported to the chief priests everything that had happened.

12. When the chief priests had met with the elders and devised a plan, they gave the soldiers a large sum of money,

13. telling them, "You are to say, 'His disciples came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep.'

14. If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble."

15. So the soldiers took the money and did as they were instructed. And this story has been widely circulated among the Jews to this very day.

16. Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go.

17. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted.

18. Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.

19. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,

20. and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Saturday, April 15, 2006

War & Pacifism 


Michael Kelly (Sept. 26, 2001):

"Pacifists are not serious people, although they devoutly believe they are, and their arguments are not being taken seriously at the moment. Yet it is worth taking seriously, and in advance of need, the pacifists and their appeal.

It is worth it, first of all, because the idea of peace is inherently attractive; and the more war there is, the more attractive the idea becomes. Second, it is worth it because the reactionary left-liberal crowd in America and in Europe has already staked out its ground here: What happened to America is America's fault, the fruits of foolish arrogance and greedy imperialism, racism, colonialism, etc., etc. From this rises an argument that the resulting war is also an exercise in arrogance and imperialism, etc., and not deserving of support. This argument will be made with greater fearlessness as the first memories of the 7,000 murdered recede. Third, it is worth it because the American foreign policy establishment has all the heart for war of a titmouse, and not one of your braver titmice. The first faint, let-us-be-reasonable bleats can even now be heard: Yes, we must do something, but is an escalation of aggression really the right thing? Mightn't it just make matters ever so much worse?

Pacifists see themselves as obviously on the side of a higher morality, and there is a surface appeal to this notion, even for those who dismiss pacifism as hopelessly naive. The pacifists' argument is rooted entirely in this appeal: Two wrongs don't make a right; violence only begets more violence. [...]

In 1942 George Orwell wrote this, in Partisan Review, of Great Britain's pacifists:

"Pacifism is objectively pro-Fascist. This is elementary common sense. If you hamper the war effort of one side you automatically help out that of the other. Nor is there any real way of remaining outside such a war as the present one. In practice, 'he that is not with me is against me.' "

England's pacifists howled, but Orwell's logic was implacable. The Nazis wished the British to not fight. If the British did not fight, the Nazis would conquer Britain. The British pacifists also wished the British to not fight. The British pacifists, therefore, were on the side of a Nazi victory over Britain. They were objectively pro-Fascist.

An essentially identical logic obtains now. Organized terrorist groups have attacked America. These groups wish the Americans to not fight. The American pacifists wish the Americans to not fight. If the Americans do not fight, the terrorists will attack America again. And now we know such attacks can kill many thousands of Americans. The American pacifists, therefore, are on the side of future mass murders of Americans. They are objectively pro-terrorist. [...]

That is the pacifists' position, and it is evil."

G.K. Chesterton:

"The cheapest and most childish of all the taunts of the Pacifists is, I think, the sneer at belligerents for appealing to the God of Battles. It is ludicrously illogical, for we obviously have no right to kill for victory save when we have a right to pray for it. If a war is not a holy war, it is an unholy one--a massacre."

"I cannot see how we can literally end War unless we can end Will. I cannot think that war will ever be utterly impossible; and I say so not because I am what these people call a militarist, but rather because I am a revolutionist. Absolutely to forbid fighting is to forbid what our fathers called 'the sacred right of insurrection'. Against some decisions no self-respecting men can be prevented from appealing to fortune and to death."

"...war, like weather, cannot in itself be either criminal or saintly; and war as an action undertaken by certain persons may be either one or the other. Only in a state of fallen intelligence akin to fetish-worship could [we] ever have dropped into the habit of talking about the 'wickedness of war'."

"...that all war is physically frightful is obvious; but if that were a moral verdict, there would be no difference between a torturer and a surgeon."

From The American Chesterton Society:

"Throughout his career, Chesterton was a vigorous enemy of pacifism. What he did believe in was the right, or the duty rather, of self-defense and the defense of others.

Chesterton was also a vigorous enemy of militarism. Both ideas, he argued, were really a single idea -- that the strong must not be resisted. The militarist, he said, uses this idea aggressively as a conqueror, as a bully. The pacifist uses the idea passively by acquiescing to the conqueror and permitting himself and others around him to be bullied. Of the two, Chesterton thought the pacifist far less admirable. In fact, the pacifist, for him, was "the last and least excusable on the list of the enemies of society."

"They preach that if you see a man flogging a woman to death you must not hit him. I would much sooner let a leper come near a little boy than a man who preached such a thing."

This should not be understood as a lust for fighting. "The horror of war," Chesterton wrote, "is the sentiment of a Christian and even of a saint." But in refusing to strike any blow, pacifists announce their readiness to surrender the higher ideals of "liberty, self-government, justice, and religion.""

Margaret Thatcher:

"My statement yesterday explained the Government's decision to support the United States military action, taken in self-defence, against terrorist targets in Libya.

Of course, when we took our decision we were aware of the wider issues and of people's fears. Terrorism attacks free societies and plays on those fears. If those tactics succeed, terrorism saps the will of free peoples to resist.

We have heard some of those arguments in this country: "Don't associate ourselves with the United States," some say; "Don't support them in fighting back; we may expose ourselves to more attacks," say others.

Terrorism has to be defeated; it cannot be tolerated or side-stepped. When other ways and other methods have failed—I am the first to wish that they had succeeded—it is right that the terrorist should know that firm steps will be taken to deter him from attacking either other peoples or his own people who have taken refuge in countries that are free. [...]

The United States' action was conducted against five specific targets directly connected with terrorism. It will, of course, be for the United States Government to publish their assessment of the results. However, we now know that there were a number of civilian casualties, some of them children. It is reported that they included members of Colonel Gaddafi's own family.

The casualties are, of course, a matter of great sorrow. We also remember with sadness all those men, women and children who have lost their lives as a result of terrorist acts over the years—so many of them performed at the Libyan Government's behest. [...]

Mr. Eric S. Heffer (Liverpool, Walton): "The right hon. Lady referred to the killing of innocent children and then to terrorist attacks on innocent people in various parts of the world. I think that she and I may have been brought up in the same Christian tradition. Does she remember that two wrongs do not make a right?"

The Prime Minister: Had the hon. Gentleman been listening, he would have realised that I was trying to tackle that argument in part, when I said that terrorism thrives on a free society. The terrorist uses the feelings in a free society to sap the will of civilisation to resist. If the terrorist succeeds, he has won and the whole of free society has lost. [...]

Indeed, one has to ask whether it has not been the failure to act in self-defence that has encouraged state-sponsored terrorism. Firm and decisive action may make those who continue to practise terrorism as a policy think again. [...]

The United States is our greatest ally. It is the foundation of the Alliance which has preserved our security and peace for more than a generation. In defence of liberty, our liberty as well as its own, the United States [881] maintains in Western Europe 330,000 service men. That is more than the whole of Britain's regular forces. The United States gave us unstinting help when we needed it in the South Atlantic four years ago.

The growing threat of international terrorism is not directed solely at the United States. We in the United Kingdom have also long been in the front line. To overcome the threat is in the vital interests of all countries founded upon freedom and the rule of law.

Terrorism exploits the natural reluctance of a free society to defend itself, in the last resort, with arms. Terrorism thrives on appeasement. Of course we shall continue to make every effort to defeat it by political means. But in this case that was not enough. The time had come for action. The United States took it. Its decision was justified, and, as friends and allies, we support it."

Teddy Roosevelt:

"In the next place, the good man should be both a strong and a brave man; that is, he should be able to fight, he should be able to serve his country as a soldier, if the need arises. There are well-meaning philosophers who declaim against the unrighteousness of war. They are right only if they lay all their emphasis upon the unrighteousness. War is a dreadful thing, and unjust war is a crime against humanity. But it is such a crime because it is unjust, not because it is war. The choice must ever be in favor of righteousness, and this whether the alternative be peace or whether the alternative be war. The question must not be merely, Is there to be peace or war? The question must be, Is the right to prevail? Are the great laws of righteousness once more to be fulfilled? And the answer from a strong and virile people must be, "Yes," whatever the cost. Every honorable effort should always be made to avoid war, just as every honorable effort should always be made by the individual in private life to keep out of a brawl, to keep out of trouble; but no self-respecting individual, no self-respecting nation, can or ought to submit to wrong."

Todd Beamer:

"Let's roll."

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Weakened Update 


"Facts are Stubborn Things--So We Beat them With Rubber Hoses"

*TIME Magazine has agreed to pay millions and stop its deceptive marketing practices such as sending subscription renewal offers that resembled invoices. However, TIME's editors have vowed to continue its reporting practices of telling readers that they are receiving "facts" resembling "news".

*New Age keyboardist Yanni will not face charges of disharmonic convergence after a domestic dispute with his live-in soul-mate du jour. "We think that being known as someone who fights like a girl--and still loses--is punishment enough," said Palm Beach prosecutor's office spokesman Lem Rushbaugh, referring to Yanni's claim that his widdle finger got a boo-boo during the scuffle.

The Greek-born musician's legal troubles may not be over yet, however.

"The bizarre, cultish theories, the annoying Greek accent, the lavish jet-set lifestyle while insisting others live as peasants--and especially the swarthy moustache and permanent five o'clock shadow; we strongly suspect that Yanni is, in fact, the fugitive criminal mastermind Arianna Huffington," said Special Agent Eustis P. Hamrod, Jr. of the Dept. of Irrigation and au Naturalization's Greek Enforcment Desk.

Mr. Yanni is scheduled to embark on a world-wide inter-planetary tour to promote his new album, "Meet the New Age...Same As the Old Age!", of which critics have asked "New Age...isn't that a contradiction in terms?"

*Afghan jurist "Ruthless" Badr Ginzu, known in Afghan legal circles as a "hanging, beheading, then feeding-your-infidel-guts-to-the-birds" -judge, complained bitterly about American interference in the release of Christian convert Abdul Rahmen, charged with the serious crime of "existing".

"I don't understand," said Judge Ginzu. "Your Constituion says your courts must follow foreign law, not vice versa. It's not fair. I was even threatened with a scholarship to Yale. Can you see me celebrating V-Day and going on Spring Break with those people? I just knew I'd end up on some "Mullahs Gone Wild!" video, advertised on some cable channel nobody watches--Hi, Mr. Olbermann!"

*Congratulations to George Mason for making it to the Final Four. Despite approaching his 280th birthday, Mr. Mason was able to take it to the hoop, defeating entire teams of men 1/10th his age.

"Like my role in writing the Declaration of Independence and my principled refusal to sign the Constitution without a Bill of Rights, I'm proud of this accomplishment. But I'm most proud of the fact that my law school is the only one in the entire country actually capable of reading the Constitution," said the Founder Rebounder.

*Former Mayor of Vermont Howard Dean has scheduled a press conference for 2 o'clock Sunday morning to protest Daylight Savings Time.

"As everyone knows, George Bush already controls the weather; now he wants to control the Time-Space Continuum as well. That's too much power in the hands of one man. When voters finally come to their senses and return Democrats to power, we promise to control both the weather and Time itself...and run them for the benefit of the little guy," said Dean, widely acknowledged to be, like a five-story whore-house, wrong--and wrong on so many levels.

*Speaking with Wolf Blitzkreig on CNN, Ted Turner claimed that North Korea was a shiny, happy country peopled by bicyclists who only eat the bark off trees "because they're watching their weight".

A spokesman for Ms. Fonda said "Give it up, Ted; she's not coming back."

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