Friday, January 31, 2003

"Casanegra": Now It Can Be Told! 

Movie Magic

Start the popcorn and dim the lights...

...Ripped from today's Headlines..."CASANEGRA"!

In light of the politically correct decision by movie makers to remove the Arab bad guys from Tom Clancy's "Sum of all Fears", we wondered what it would be like if today's filmmakers were somehow transported back in time...

It's 1942. You arrive in Hollywood. You manage to avoid being put in Earl Warren's internment camps and you report to your job at Warner Bros. Studios. They want you to write a movie to boost morale...

"Hey, fellas, how 'bout 'The Sands of Indonesia'?"; John Wayne takes on the brutal Malaysian Logging Industry!" (blank stares).

"Okay... try this; 'The Fighting SeaBees'; the Duke leads a team of military engineers on a desperate mission to retrofit POW latrines for handicap access & cultural appropriateness! It'll knock 'Ms. Minnever' right out of the theatres!" (silence). [Tough crowd!...]
"Alright, I got it! This is going to be the biggest War Picture of All Time! We'll call it...'Casablanc...[too 'white']..."CASANEGRA"! Okay, get this; we'll get Bogart to play 'Rick' & Ingrid Bergman to play 'Ilsa', and Claude Rains as 'Capitaine Louis Renault', Prefet of the Vichy Police. (heads nod approvingly).

"Now, Bogey shows up in Casanegra after mysteriously losing his beloved Ilsa in Paris. He's bitter about the loss, so bitter, he opens a bar called 'Rick's A McCain Cafe'! In the back room at 'Rick's', is a clinic. They treat recovering politicians with soft money & gambling addictions, also Bogey's tobacco addiction, and provide speech therapy for his lisp."

"Scene One opens at 'Rick's';"

Renault: "Ricky, why have you come to Casanegra?"
Rick: "I came for the waters."
Renault: "But we're in the desert!"
Rick: "Just wait...Global Warming!"

(quizzical looks among the other writers) "Oh, don't worry, Kyoto will take care of that...it's a Treaty from Japan."(looks of alarm in the Studio!) [Damn, I forgot..this is 1942!] "No, no; the Senate voted it down unanimously!" (relief fills the room)."But half the Senate still wants it."(incomprehension).

"Anyway, Ilsa shows up...with her committed partner, 'Victor/Victoria Lezlo', played by Paul/Paula Heinreid.
He's the leader of the Transgendered Underground, and together they are fleeing the pre-menstrual 'Cycle of Violence' in Europe. But they need two exit visas that Rick has acquired."

Ilsa: "I don't care about me, but please give Victor a visa, so he can carry on his work, so that one day, every first grader will be able to identify dental dam, if not Hoover Dam."
Rick: "Can't you just sneak in, like everybody else?"
Ilsa: "What do you mean, Rick?"
Rick: "One day, maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life, millions of Muslims will flood into Europe, with or without visas! And some will try to establish Islamic Law there...could be very dangerous for your ,uh, Victor, and you could end up, ah, missing some important parts...kinda' like Victor!"
Ilsa: "What about us?"
Rick: "We'll always have Iceland!"

"Alright guys, stay with me here. The next day at 'Rick's Cafe & Clinic' ..."

Ilsa: "Play it Sam , play our song!"
Rick: "I told you never to play that song again, Sam!"
Sam: "Man, you crazy white people are oppressin' me!"
Ilsa: "You never talked that way before, Sam!"
Sam: "I never had a screenwriter from the next century before, either."
Ilsa: "Sam's right. Don't try to think for both of us, Rick. I've got my own career now."

Rick: "Out of all the gin joint/rehab clinics in the world, she had to..."
Bill Clinton (interrupting): "Ilsa, I've always wanted to meet you. I'm gonna be President one day, ya' know!"
Victor: "Beat it, creep! And why did you sign that 'Defense of Marriage'-thing, anyway?"
Bill: "I didn't wanna/They made me/I did it at midnight and/or I was busy looking for Osama!"
Everybody: "GO AWAY!"
Bill: "Here's 'inappropriate looking' at you, kid!"
Everybody: "GO!!!"

"Next Scene: the Airport:"

Renault: "I'm shocked, shocked, to find the state of Airport Security here!"
Airport Security Man: "Here are your pictures from infidel 'Sees-through-Clothes' X-ray machine."
Renault: "Thank you"
Bill: "Can I see those?"

Rick: "The Germans wore gray, you wore blue."
Ilsa: "Rick, it was just the weekly 'dress-down' invasion Friday in Paris."
Victor: " And I wore the latest Channel."
Renault: " And we, the Vichy, pressed their uniforms & prepared excellent meals!"

Rick: "The problems of three oppressed workers don't amount to a hill of shade-grown, fair-trade organic coffee beans on this mentally-challenged, diverse planet; these 2 visas...priceless; For everything else, there's the Master-Race Card! Now both of you get on the plane!... Hey, not you, Bill!"
(German staff car pulls up)
Major Strasser: "Halten! "
Rick: "Hang up that phone, Major, or I'll shoot!" (Gunfire erupts due to lack of trigger locks)
Renault: "Major Strasser has been shot... Round up the Usual Suspects!"
Airport Security Man: "But you already threw all dirty Zionists in jail..there is no one left to arrest!"
Sam: "Uh-oh...I'm outta here!"

Airport Security Man: "Major Strasser, are you alright?"
Maj. Strasser: "I zink so...Who are you, Airport Security Man?"
Airport Security Man: "I am called 'the Patriarch bin Laden'."
Maj. Strasser: "Zis is the beginnink of a beautiful friendship, ja?"
bin Laden: "Mein Jihad is your 'Kampf'! Shall we kill this infidel?"
Maj. Strasser: "Leave him. He may be useful in the future...or, should I say, useless!" (laughter, walking off together).

Bill: "Hey guys, y'all got any good strip bars in this hick town?"...Hey, guys!... Wait up!"

(telephone rings at Warner Bros. Studios)
Mr. Warner: "Hello?"
Secretary: "Mr. Warner?"
Mr. Warner: "Just a minute ; I'll get him." (hands phone over)
Mr. Warner: "This is Mr. Warner."
Secretary: "Mr. Warner, Mr. Hoover will be sending over some agents to collect your 'screenwriter from the Future'. Mr. Hoover is also very interested in having any wardrobe items worn by 'Ilsa' & 'Victor'."
Mr. Warner: "Very well. Goodbye." (click) (turning,)...Now, Jack, who is this 'Reagan' fellow you were telling me about...?"

Our screenwriter from the future WAS hauled off to an internment camp...where he was bunked with little Normie Mineta, who never forgot the bizarre Future Filmmaker of America, or his bazaar stories of airport security.

Next week: Sharp Knife previews Tom Clancy's "Debt of Honor", in which Washington,D.C. is attacked by the radical Amish, using a horse and buggy filled with whale oil! We can't give away the ending, but a rogue Secret Service Agent joins a secret Cabal...the Federalist Society!

PC...it's not just the popcorn anymore!

Book Report

Just finished reading Col. Beckwith's "Delta Force" , detailing his patriotic struggle to give us an effective counter-terrorism force. Also finished Mr. Howarth's "We Die Alone", the story of the lone survivor of a 12-man Norweigian team of commandos, Jan Baalsrud, who was sent into occupied Norway in 1943. It made me sad to see the current leadership of Norway failed to sign on to the recent European Letter of Support.

Digging into Victor Davis Hanson's "Carnage & Cultures" & "Horses Don't Fly", the WW I memoir of Colorado cowboy Frederick Libby, the pilot who was the first-ever American "Ace".

Between all this reading, I'm watching "Foghorn Leghorn" and listening to "Roger Miller's Greatest Hits" with the progeny. Western culture must be transmitted to the next generation!

...Or you get stuff like this:

The Derb does Remedial Education...

"HEY, HEY, HO, HO...
American schools, of course, are still sticking firmly to the Noble Savage myth. Conversation with Nellie Muriel (age 10) over the dinner table the other night. I was testing her knowledge of dates. 1492 drew a blank. JD: "Oh, come on, Nellie. 1492 — Christopher Columbus — remember?" NM: "Oh yeah. Columbus — he was a bad guy." JD: "Say what? If he was a bad guy, how come we have a public holiday named after him?" NM: "Well, that's because he started out good. He discovered America. Fine. But then he got bad. He made people slaves." JD: "Honey, up to a couple hundred years ago, everybody had slaves. India, Africa, China, Europe, the Arabs — we all had slaves. It wasn't unusual." NM: "Uh-uh. Columbus bad. He shouldn't have come here." JD: "But if he hadn't come here, there'd be nobody in America but Indians. And they had slaves. Also human sacrifice, perpetual warfare, famines, diseases and stuff." NM: "No. They were peaceful. They had democracy." JD: (Speechless.) This is a kid raised in a conservative household. We watch nothing but Fox TV, I swear!"

This seems like a small thing in a way; but some lefty teacher has crawled into that little girl's head...and told her she doesn't belong here!

Kinda makes it hard to defend your country when you have no right to BE, doesn't it?


It's 11:30...Do you what you're fighting for yet?

Scarlet Women

My friend Jonathan Last dry-cleans some Stains from the Union Address.

Tee Time for Terror

This is too funny!

(via the Corner)

Thursday, January 30, 2003

When they tell you we don't have any Allies,

...remind them of this:

"We in Europe have a relationship with the United States which has stood the test of time. Thanks in large part to American bravery, generosity and far-sightedness, Europe was set free from the two forms of tyranny that devastated our continent in the 20th century: Nazism and Communism. Thanks, too, to the continued cooperation between Europe and the United States we have managed to guarantee peace and freedom on our continent. The transatlantic relationship must not become a casualty of the current Iraqi regime's persistent attempts to threaten world security."

"The combination of weapons of mass destruction and terrorism is a threat of incalculable consequences. It is one at which all of us should feel concerned. Resolution 1441 is Saddam Hussein's last chance to disarm using peaceful means. The opportunity to avoid greater confrontation rests with him. Sadly this week the UN weapons inspectors have confirmed that his long-established pattern of deception, denial and non-compliance with UN Security Council resolutions is continuing."

"Europe has no quarrel with the Iraqi people. Indeed, they are the first victims of Iraq's current brutal regime. Our goal is to safeguard world peace and security by ensuring that this regime gives up its weapons of mass destruction. Our governments have a common responsibility to face this threat. Failure to do so would be nothing less than negligent to our own citizens and to the wider world."

"The United Nations Charter charges the Security Council with the task of preserving international peace and security. To do so, the Security Council must maintain its credibility by ensuring full compliance with its resolutions. We cannot allow a dictator to systematically violate those Resolutions. If they are not complied with, the Security Council will lose its credibility and world peace will suffer as a result."

"We are confident that the Security Council will face up to its responsibilities."

José María Aznar, Spain
José Manuel Durão Barroso, Portugal
Silvio Berlusconi, Italy
Tony Blair, United Kingdom
Václav Havel, Czech Republic
Peter Medgyessy, Hungary
Leszek Miller, Poland
Anders Fogh Rasmussen, Denmark

I particularly appreciated the first paragraph; "Thanks in large part to American bravery, generosity and far-sightedness, Europe was set free..." . Not that I'm owed any thanks.

But my Grandfather who fought the Kaiser might be.

Or my other Grandfather who served in the Navy during WWII. Or my Father, who patrolled the Mediterranean during Korea. Or my Uncle who was at Normandy. Or my brother who served during the Cold War. Or my Uncle who was career Navy. And his wife. Or my other brother, who served in countries I'll not mention here. Or his wife. And sons.

And millions of other American families

They might be owed that much.

Thanks for saying 'Thanks', Gentlemen.

4 Brave Americans

died today when their Blackhawk helicopter crashed in Afghanistan.

They died for all of us, that we might live in freedom. They knew the risks when they signed up, but they did it anyway.

1 Fanatic Asshole-for-Allah was sentenced to life today for trying to bomb an airliner out of the sky over open ocean, and send 197 men, women & children to their deaths. He knew the price when he signed up, but he did it anyway.

4 got death.

1 got life.

What's wrong with this picture?

Confessions of a Failed Liberal

I tried to be a good Liberal. I really did.

As regular readers will know, my first vote was cast for Jimmy Carter. I even voted for Bill Clinton in '92. Don't hate me...yet.

I was sucked into the prevailing Kultursmog of the times and foolishly cast my young vote for Jimmy. After Teheran, I lost interest, but at least I didn't vote against Reagan.

In '92, I still held unexamined many of the same half-baked ideas that are a prerequisite for voting Democratic.
Then I saw Bill Clinton in action; I got the same sinking feeling that so many in Arkansas had before me; No, not: "What am I thinking?...she's my cousin!". I mean: "This guy is a damned, lying, cheating bastard who couldn't tell the truth if his life depended on it."

But, of course, it was worse than that.

Because lives DID depend on it. Consequently, our neighbors & loved ones were murdered...and we still haven't paid the full price for Clinton's treason, neglect and stunning narcissism.

By the way, I don't call all or even most liberals & Democrats 'traitors'. But Bill Clinton is a bought-and-paid-for Benedict Arnold/Alger Hiss old-school Traitor. This is not even an open question, so don't bother trying. In a better country, he would be dragged from his 4-ply Peyroni Penthouse at the Peking Plaza this afternoon to stand trial for Treason. But, (say it with me)...There Is No Better Country!.

I began reading widely; conservative, libertarian & liberal thought. I was struck that almost all the best ideas and arguments were on one side. I was changing. I was, in spite of my best efforts, growing up. dammit.

The final straw was Mogadishu. The Clintons sent those men into combat without the weapons they needed, so as not to appear 'mean'. After many were killed (by bin-Laden trained terrorists), our troops were told, in SNL fashion: "Nevermind!" and ordered to act as escorts for a warlord...the same warlord their brothers-in-arms had just given their lives to capture!

I snapped. I knew then I would NEVER, EVER support that damned party or it's craven, feckless agenda again.

Thinking back to when I was a child, we played 'soldiers'...and that meant WWII. We were the Good Guys. Even then, it was hard to get one of the kids to be the 'French'. But they did rescue Chuck Yeager, so I'll cut them some slack for the purposes of this post.

Anyway, mine was never a 'Che-poster/Hate-America' leftism. It was a mild form of the 'critique-upon-critique-upon-critique'-leftism that is the Official Religion of today's Democrat Party.

I came to realize this world-view had everything backwards, i.e.; A Defense Policy that made war more likely yet harder to win, A Family Policy that breaks families apart, A Race Policy that polarizes races, An Education Policy that produces graduates who can't read diplomas, and on and on.

I was now a Conservative.

I was one of those 'Angry White Men' who put in a Republican Congress in '94. And I was angry. Still am. People get angry when they are lied to, fooled and betrayed.

And then the sky-scrapers start exploding.

Which is the direct result of Liberalism, with it's Multi-Culturalism, it's gutting of our Intelligence capability and hostility to National Defense, the rampant Moral Relativism and all the other symptoms of that diseased, enfeebled yet adolescent philosophy.

We are still the Good Guys. Not the Perfect Guys. The Good Guys. And we are fighting the Evil Bastards for our very lives and the lives of those who will follow.

Suck it up, Lefties...unless there's a Jew handy, you're the first ones the Evil Bastards will put in the ovens if they have their way. Useful Idiots are only SO useful, after all.

I realized while writing this, that since I had voted for Carter, I had also voted for VP Mondale. Then it struck me. I had never allowed my mind to open this dark, disturbing chapter before...but if I voted for Clinton...

I had also voted for Gore!

Hate me.

Hate me now.

Wednesday, January 29, 2003

Scientists Confirm: Not all Europeans are Weasels!

France & Germany have been making a power-play to control the EU.

But the leaders of Britain, Spain, Italy, Portugal, Hungary, Poland, Denmark and the Czech Republic have co-signed an article in the London Times which calls Hussein a liar, and backs co-operation with the US and warns of Resolution 1441 becoming a joke, all of which are a slap at France & Germany, and a sign of sanity.

Tony Blair told a heckler in his own party that North Korea was next!
If only he'd stop the creeping socialism in England!
And it would be nice if all of them could have summoned the moral clarity to vote against Libya's chairing the UN Human Rights council. Oh well; it's progress.

The 'Axis of Weasel' uproar has had some salutary effects. Give some credit to Scrappleface!

And lots to President Bush, who, IMHO, is showing real leadership.


is in turmoil.

Communist Hugo Chavez, Castro's buddy, is busy doing what Communists always do; murdering opponents, nationalizing industries, censoring the press, cancelling elections and aiding terrorists, including al Qaeda.

This can't go on. No way. Here and here are some sites for those who wish to know more.

Venezuela Libre!

Sunday, January 26, 2003

Axis of Victory

The American Enterprise features an article by Oriana Fallaci, author of 'The Rage & the Pride', in which she derides the Islamicization of the West, defends Western Culture, calls for a rebirth of passion, slams the EU and Political Correctness.

I was struck by the similarities to another Old School European, Mr. Churchill:

"From Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic an iron curtain has descended across the Continent. Behind that line lie all the capitals of the ancient states of Central and Eastern Europe. Warsaw, Berlin, Prague, Vienna, Budapest, Belgrade, Bucharest and Sofia, all these famous cities and the populations around them lie in what I must call the Soviet sphere, and all are subject in one form or another, not only to Soviet influence but to a very high and, in some cases, increasing measure of control from Moscow. Athens alone -- Greece with its immortal glories -- is free to decide its future at an election under British, American and French observation... The Communist parties, which were very small in all these Eastern States of Europe, have been raised to pre-eminence and power far beyond their numbers and are seeking everywhere to obtain totalitarian control. Police governments are prevailing...there is no true democracy."

Miss Fallaci:

"From Afghanistan to Sudan, from Palestine to Pakistan, from Malaysia to Iran, from Egypt to Iraq, from Algeria to Senegal, from Syria to Kenya, from Libya to Chad, from Lebanon to Morocco, from Indonesia to Yemen, from Saudi Arabia to Somalia, the hate for the West swells like a fire fed by the wind. And the followers of Islamic fundamentalism multiply like a protozoa of a cell which splits to become two cells then four then eight then sixteen then thirty-two to infinity. Those who are not aware of it only have to look at the images that the TV brings us every day. The multitudes that impregnate the streets of Islamabad, the squares of Nairobi, the mosques of Tehran. The ferocious faces, the threatening fists. The fires that burn the American flag and the photos of Bush."

Mr. Churchill:

"We do not war with primarily with races as such. Tyranny is our foe, whatever trappings or disguise it wears, whatever language it speaks, be it external or internal, we must forever be on our guard, ever vigilant, always ready to spring at it's throat. - Winston Churchill, at Harvard, Sept. 6, 1943

(We wonder if Harvard would allow Mr. Churchill to speak today.)

"The clash between us and them is not a military clash. Oh, no. It is a cultural one, a religious one." - Oriana Fallaci

She finishes..."this European Union, which chatters of Cultural-Similarities-with-the-Middle-East and meanwhile ignores my beautiful language, meanwhile sacrifices my national identity, is not the Europe I dreamed of...It is not Europe. It is the suicide of Europe.”

I do not agree with her in all respects; she thinks military victories breed more terrorism while I beleive they quash it.
Her article is entitled "How the West was Won & How It Will be Lost", which is too fatalistic. But it is a Call to Action that must not be ignored.

Read it all.

Saturday, January 25, 2003

Jonah Goldberg

takes a petrified baguette to Bleu Berets de la Paris, who lack principle in the same way that Mercedes-driving housewife lacks a cheatin' husband; They both shoved it into reverse several times and ran over them until death was certain.

A sample from "Le Chutzpah; Don't call the French Principled" :

"The sanctions regime has improved the health of all Iraqi children not under Saddam Hussein's thumb. In the Kurdish North — where American and British, but not French, planes prevent mass slaughter — there is no mass starvation or child-health crisis. Saddam, and not sanctions, has killed hundreds of thousands of children in order to score propaganda points, which have in turn been manfully presented to the world community by Mr. Chirac in exchange for fat oil contracts. In effect, the French (and Russians) do not want a war-for-oil because the current peace-for-oil allows them to collect billions from the corpses of dead Iraqi children."

You realize what this means, of course; The Anti-War Movement is... (drum roll)...All About the Oillllllllllllllllllll!"


Mr. Cleo, Right-Wing Psychic

rears his ugly, dreadlocked, all-seeing head again, long enough to go Huff-hunting in his SUV. Call it a hunch, but we get the distinct impression he disapproves of his quarry's self-absorbed, self-promoting, selfish self.

We reveal, You decide:

The Gypsy of Gucci Gulch

Bzzzzzzz...the spirits are trying to speak...Bzzzzzzzz...or is it those damn gadflies again?...Bzzzzzzzzz...

...it's Lucy Ricardo, stomping grapes at an Albanian winery...No, it's Madame Ceausescu lecturing on Romania's 5-yr. oil-production plan...No, wait... I'm channeling Frau Blucher on "Horses; Mass Transit of the Future"...

Oh; Mr. Cleo fell asleep in front of the TV. It's just an anti-SUV commercial by acclaimed columnist & female-impersonator, Arianna Huffington.

Ms. Huffington's "Detroit Project' just released several "When you Drive an SUV, You Drive With Osama!" commercials. They claim SUV drivers fund terrorist training camps when they buy gas; one says "I blew up a nightclub."

When asked about her own jet-setting lifestyle, Ms. Bloomington-Bluffington-Kensington-Worthington-Huffety-Tuffet said she only rode in her friends' private jets.

So all you peons can simply borrow your neighbor's Suburban and give him the keys to your Bronco...problem solved!

"Ve call it zee "Detroit Project' because Detroit has a large Arab community...Ve are hoping to find oil deposits beneath zem, like alvays before," said the noted expert on Everything. "Of course ve von't drill for it, though; that might disturb their goat herds."

"It's getting so that I can't see out of my stretch limo vis all those SUV's on zee highvay," said the Crown Princess, "and it takes the chauffeur forever to find a parking spot; Did you know I vas late to a TV appearance yesterday because a working mother in a 'Cherokee' vas dropping off her children at school during a snowstorm? Outrageous!"

Mr. Cleo forsees a series of public sevice announcements: "Anastasia's Helpful Energy Decrees"; Here's #109: "Ven you need to heat your 9000 sq. ft. bungalow like I do, simply harness zee gas given off by zee fresh 100 dollar bills from zee vault room!"

Or, #317; "If you are havink trouble getting good gas mileage, have your chauffeur get out and push zee limo for several blocks everyday. If zat doesn't work, zen marry a millionaire, and get all zee gas cards you need!"

No vunder her husband became a Bi-cyclist.

Zanks for zee Traffic Tips, Zsa Zsa.

Yep. He disapproves.

Prediction: He may have more to sooth-say.

Friday, January 24, 2003

No Man is an Island

excluding the Isle of Man, which will now be considered a person.

The EU announced today that Britain was not an Island.

In an effort to save money, Brussels promulgated new regulations declaring that an island is not an island if it has fewer than 50 permanent residents, is attached to the mainland by a rigid structure, is less than 1km from the mainland, or is home to the capital of an EU state.

When reached for comment at the EU's palatial Brussels lair, EU Spokesveasel Josef Napolean Benito Laval Petain Tito Yassir Vidkun Jaruzelski Neville Bill Ceausescu-Schickelgruber said " I don't have to speak with you, peasant...but, I don't have anything else to do, so, what the Mephistopheles."

"It is true that we have decided Britain is not an island, but that's not all; we also agreed that Italy will no longer resemble a boot. It will now resemble the shape of a Birkenstock sandal. The Low Countries will now feature Alpine mountains to prevent flooding. And the North Sea will now be the South Seas, so Aberdeen can produce coconuts and bananas...with the proper curvature, of course," claimed Herr Bill.

"We have also decreed that French are brave, war-like yet polite people. And there will now be 8 days in a week; the 7 paid vacation days per week we labour under now is not enough for the hard-non-working people of Europe," he continued. " And all public drinking fountains will pump an endless supply of '53 Rothschild Merlot along crime-free gold-paved avenues filled with happy-go-lucky one-eyed Saudi clerics and their peaceful flocks."

"And no one will want to watch American cinema; everyone will flock to see our Art films, depicting the courageous, naked Bora-Boran people and their heroic nude struggle against the relentless high-tides...Hmm...maybe we could ban tides for them...no, then we'd have no movies worth watching," Monsieur Bill mused aloud, with all the soulful insight American movie producers usually save for 'People' magazine interveiws.

"What is it you say in America...'stroke of the pen, law of the Universe'?" Signore Bill asked rhetorically.
"Here; have some of my Swiss cheese...it has the correct number of holes; 6352.86 per sq. km.," he offered, fondling the cheese wistfully, longingly, even tenderly.

Uhh...Merci, non.

Imagine that Al Gore succeeded in his twisted plot to clone a million copies of himself, taught them all to speak French and placed them in every quasi-governmental position from dog-catcher to President.

That's the EU.

Nein, DankE U, very much.

(via His Misha-ness!)

Congratulations to Scott Ott

of Scrappleface, who got his snout into Thurston Howell Raines III's backside and front page with his Rumsfeild peice.

This is the kind of subversive guerrilla theater gives us hope for the future of America!

However, no one does Rumsfeild any better than Scott's Arch-Nemesis, Frank. I'm talking about stuff like this. or this.

The Rummy watch continues.

Thursday, January 23, 2003

Just started

reading Col. Beckwith's "Delta Force".

Yeah, I know it's a 20 year-old book, but things move kinda slow around here.

Jimmy Carter has finally gotten around to having a meeting months after the Iran hostage-taking. Walter Mondale shows up in tennis shoes and plays with handcuffs during the meeting. Don't ask. Warren Christopher wants to shoot the terrorists in the left little toe, so as not to impair their future employment opportunities.

This is going to be good.


Hold the Miracle Whip. Please!

I've been putting up a blogroll of sites I enjoy, many of whom were kind enough to link to me in the past. There are more I will be putting up, but suggestions are welcome. If I've put your site up and you don't wish to be linked, that's fine too.

BTW, if you want a laugh, read Deb's link to Rumsfield's "press conference". We should probably pay Rummy an additional $4.00 an hour for baby-sitting.

Wednesday, January 22, 2003

"Give me a fast ship, for I intend to go in harm's way." - John Paul Jones

Or, to paraphrase Patton, put the other son-of-a-bitch in harm's way...then harm him.

Monday, January 20, 2003

Scott Ritter, Legs Inspector

was lied to by armed, uniformed Govt. officials, but willingly suspended disbelief, common sense and his principles in order to get what he desperately craved, and when caught, lied about it in the Media.


Seems Scottie '2-ply' Ritter was busted for the on-line soliciting of a 16 year-old schoolgirl to watch him 'touch himself'...a self-inspection regime, you might say. But there was a little 'Trouble in Tikrit'...the 'girl' was actually a police officer.

Should have done a little more 'verification' there, Scottie.

At first, he denied it to reporters. Later, his lawyer VERIFIED the charges.

Mr. Ritter is known for calling Pres. Bush a "liar' and saying Admin. officials are on the "fringe". We disagree, but will concede Mr. Ritter's status as an expert in these feilds.

Our post from Sept. 25, with an all-new bonus verse! :

Scottie "the Tikrit Terrier" Ritter continues his "Victoria's Secret Agent" approach to Saddam. To Ms. Ritter we dedicate this song:

(to the tune of Helen Reddy's "I Am Woman"...)

I am Ritter, see me whore, and I will not be ignored. Tho' I know too much, I go back and pretend.
Tho' you've heard the lies before, I would tounge-mop Ba'ath-room floors, if it would get me on the Evening News again.

Yes, I am wise to Saddam's dirty game.
But he met my price, 16 minutes of Fame.
If I have to, I will say anything. I am Scott, I'm not invisible , I am Ritterrrrrrrrr!

You can rent but never own me, and I'm servin' up baloney. I'm so hungry, got to feed my own Ego.
While his bombs keep getting stronger, I'm not a patriot any longer.
waging peace for half-a-million at a throw.

Yes, I'm a god, Narcissus is my name.
Yes, I'm kinda odd, diagnosed with meglomain.
If I say so, words can mean anything. I am Scott, I'm not irrelevant, I am Ritterrrrrrrrrrr!

I am Ritter, watch me grovel, spread my cheeks, then write a novel,
As I preach inspecting arms across the world.
I get quoted by Mandela, Don't get 'tween me and a camera! Found my calling as Baghdaddy's working girl!

Yes, I give rides on Saddam's Terror Plane.
Tellin' whopping lies, Don't mind the honor stain.
If I will it, I re-write history! I am Scott, I'm indefensible, I am Ritterrrrrrrrrrrr!

(Bonus Verse...everybody sing!)

I am Ritter, touch my missile, Don't be scared; it's not fissile,
It's gets lonely when you're trying to save the world.
Inspect it; There's no Sarin...did you say your name was "Karen'?
And you're a lonely adolescent...boy or girl?

Yes, I've got to stop Bush's evil plan
Meet me after school , My wife don't understand.
If you want to, we can do dirty things! I am Scott, I am insatiable, I am Ritterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

In Economic News

Stock values in Clinton/RodhamBrands(tm) , a wholly-owned subsidiary of The People's Republic of China, soared after news that Sen. "L'il" Evita Clinton had been appointed to the Senate Armed Services Committee.

Said Case Officer/ Handler Chou Kow Dung; "We felt this brand had been underperforming since about noon on Jan. 20th, 2001, and we think this new deveropment will give us a larger share of the exciting "Stolen Military Secrets" market."

Sen. Clinton could not be reached for comment, as she was busy shopping for micro-film and a new, heavy-duty copying machine, said her spokesperson Ms. Lissa Ethridge Leche-Heche Bambino-Baster. "She tore out of here with her 'Mao' jacket, and said something about laundering something at the Wen-Ho Wash-o-mat. That's next-door to the Chinese Embassy. We wash all our pretty things there," she giggled, adjusting her Hong Kong Thong(tm).

The company is expected to unveil it's new 'Rebellious Boxers or Shyster Breifs?' ad campaign soon, for it's new line of tax-deductible undergarments called "Lao Gaia's Secret".

"Look for it...Wherever Clinton/Rodhams are soiled!"

(Clinton/RodhamBrands(tm) traded almost openly on the Beijing Stock Exchange).

Sunday, January 19, 2003

Have I told you lately

that I despise you?

You there, with the "No Blood For Oil!" T-shirt, the 'Free Mumia' crotchless underwear and the earring in your tongue...Fuck YOU and the Dromedary gerbils you rode in on.

I'm talkin' to you, with spotted owl nest up your ass & a breifcase full of pine-nuts; suing the Army to stop them from digging foxholes or the Navy to stop them from deploying new SONAR.
Why don't you take your sorry, dirt-worshipping ass down to Vieques and manually stimulate dolphins for the duration of this WAR, and let the grown-ups defend your freedom.

G-d knows, you won't.

Hey! Know-it-all Rock Star! Suck my purple nut, you freak! Your guitar is out of tune, your label is releasing you and your last record SUCKED! Hell, they ALL sucked; The "Archies" had more artistic integrity than you. Not to mention Jughead's Geo-political savvy.

Dim-bulbous Peace Creeps; you've got more blood on your hands than George Bush ever thought about. Your appeasement drivel KILLS people.
You are moral snails, leaving a slimy, shimmering trail of ethical effluence as you cross the Driveway of Life.

At least the snails aren't arrogant while they do it.

Mr./Ms. Actor/Actress/ Director: Here's some Direction: Shut up! Shut the Fuck up! Shut the Fuck up NOW!
Save the posturing for your next co-star / love interest.

All you Terror-symps, Pink-Winkies, Punic Eunuchs, Hate-America Has-Beens, Peace Pussies, Dictator Waiters, Fishy Vichy, Mullah Mullets, Dialectical Dip-shits, Nuetered Nancys, Inbred Relativists, Green-Weenies, Multi-Cultural Allah Swallowers and The Student's Organizing Committee for Anything are useless boil-pus on the arse of Western Civ.; useless, except to tyrants, who thank you from the bottom of the snake-pit of Hell for your service to inhumanity.

I'm going to listen to some Keith Richards at full volume now.

Funny; someone who has had all the blood in his body replaced still has more than all these bloodless Baathist boot-lickers combined.
You see, Keith lived through the Nazi bombings. I mean, the last ones before Sept. 11th.
Rock & Roll never forgets, after all.
I like it.

P.S.: Blow me.

Love, Noel

Friday, January 17, 2003

Even little wars

can teach big lessons. And Mark Steyn draws the correct conclusions from a look at the Falklands War.

We still have the same Stability freaks, nay-sayers and reporters/analysts saying the same things they said then. Their reward for being consistently wrong? The chance to wrong yet again, albeit with a larger corner office.

Watch Mr. Steyn as he explains how the "Broken Windows" theory of policing applies to nations as well as neighborhoods. Marvel as he expounds on the psychology of dictators. And be amazed, as our intelligensia does their best "Groundhog Day" impression, endlessly getting their privates wedged in the Revolving Door of la Revolucion', and thinking the answer is just a little more Versailles Viagra.

It's still true..."Better an Iron Maiden than a Cardboard Man".

Israel is taking the gloves off

and will begin targeted killings in other friendly countries, including the U.S., reports Richard Sale, UPI's Intelligence Correspondent.

Under the Mossad's new director, permission is being given for missions such as the one where Gerald Bull, designer of Iraq's Super-Gun , was found illegally in posession of 5 bullets in his skull outside of his Brussels apartment in 1990.

Gosh, that would be a darn shame if more stuff like that happened.

Send Pizza to the IDF

and TANG! to the Israeli Astronaut aboard Colombia, Col. Ilan Ramon.

Col. Ramon is the son of a Holocaust survivor, and a former fighter pilot who helped destroy Iraq's nuclear reactor in 1981.

Thank you, Col. Ramon; Shalom and G-dspeed!

Wednesday, January 15, 2003

Since Anglophilia

seems to be the theme, no transfusion would be complete without a check-up by Dr. Theodore Dalrymple, who has taken Britain's temperature and found it chilling.

Dalrymple is the nom de plume of certain British doctor, whose name I will not use, even tho' it appears elsewhere. He has written marvelously at City Journal.org. for some time, and I would urge you to read his archives.

In his latest peice, he notes how Britain has, in his lifetime, gone from being almost crime-free, to becoming the crime Capital of the Western world. What is truly shocking to me is how fast the inmates (i.e., citizens) have "adjusted".

Of course we suffer from many of the same patholigies. But it is instructive to see how far, how fast, the smaller-scaled Island nation has succumbed to every bad idea of the '60's & 70's. Also sad, even terrifying.

It's not just the gun-control. External control will always be their solution after sponsoring the abandonment of self-control.

It's the soul-control.

Our revolution was fought because we thought our rights AS ENGLISHMEN were being abridged.

They've probably outlawed the word by now. For 'Tolerance'.

While England Slipped.

And speaking of

The Labour Party's 1903 Education Platform, The Derb is convinced that we will NOT go to war with Iraq.

Now Sharpknife beleives that Iraq was involved in both WTC bombings, Oklahoma City, and a long list of other shit, including West Nile. The attack on the USS Stark some 15 years ago is more than enough causus belli for me.

Mr. Derbyshire hopes he is wrong, as do I, but has been correct in several other areas, i.e., predicting the criminal neglect that is "law-enforcement" in today's England.

It has become a crime to report a crime; "Interfering with an Officer in Pursuit of His Pension", they call it.
Unless one is reporting a "Hate-Crime", such as "Looking Askance While Being Stabbed by an Otherwise Wonderful, Salt-of-the-Earth Protected Minority".

A really good "Knife Control" programme could be the answer!

Anyway, I've said before that Bush is vulnerable on his Right. Bob Graham, Joe Leiberman and John McCain are all sniffing around there.

I would be hard-pressed to vote 'Bush' in '04, were Hussein's jack-boot still on the neck of the Iraqi people.

Stop the Madness!

Tuesday, January 14, 2003

Sir Winston painted

in bold colors, but there is, thankfully, no record of 'Winnie & Clemmie' painting each other.

Said the Lord of the Admiralty; "I cannot pretend to be impartial about the colors. I rejoice with the brilliant ones, and am genuinely sorry for the poor browns."

And the poor Blairs. 'Tony & Cherie's' Mexican vacation shed-yule, from the Daily Mail:

“They stripped to their swimming costumes for a rebirthing ceremony in which they screamed in a special hut as they smeared each other with mud from the jungle, together with water melon and papaya, while ancient Mayan songs were chanted.”

Hmm...sounds like a typical House of Commons session to us.

This, coupled with Aussie blogger, Tony T. and his infamous pre-game work-out, may give some pause about our "closest allies".

The navel-gazing Blairs would do well to consult these experts.

However, we think the Brits will be there when the chips are fished.

And Aussies can do no wrong. G-d's people, mate.

"What 'Social Security' Problem?"

I received this E-mail from my Uncle Wayne, who spent a lifetime protecting our freedom in the U.S. Navy.

It says "Keep it going!", so I'll take that as an order. Yes, Sir!

2004 Election Issue
This must be an issue in "04". Please! Keep it going.

(This is worth the read. It's short and to the point.)

Perhaps we are asking the wrong questions during election years. Our Senators and Congress men & women do not pay into Social Security and, of course, they do not collect from it.

You see, Social Security benefits were not suitable for persons of their rare elevation in society. They felt they should have a special plan for themselves. So, many years ago they voted in their own benefit plan.

In more recent years, no congressperson has felt the need to change it. After all, it is a great plan.

For all practical purposes their plan works like this: When they retire, they continue to draw the same pay until they die, except it may increase from time to time for cost of living adjustments. For example, former Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to draw $7,800,000.00 (that's Seven Million, Eight-Hundred Thousand Dollars), with their wives drawing $275,000.00 during the last years of their lives. This is calculated on an average life span for each.

Their cost for this excellent plan is $00.00. Nada. Zilch. This little perk they voted for themselves is free to them. You and I pick up the tab for this plan. The funds for this fine retirement plan come directly from the
General Funds-our tax dollars at work!

From our own Social Security Plan, which you and I pay (or have paid) into-every payday until we retire (which amount is matched by our employer) --we can expect to get an average $1,000 per month after retirement. Or, in other words, we would have to collect our average of $1,000. monthly benefits for 68 years and one (1) month to equal Senator Bill Bradley's benefits!

Social Security could be very good if only one small change were made. That change would be to jerk the Golden Fleece Retirement Plan from under the Senators and Congressmen. Put them into the Social Security plan with the rest of us ... then sit back and watch how fast they would fix it.

What European Leaders Used to Sound Like, cont.:

"If you will not fight for the right when you can easily win without bloodshed; if you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly; you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a small chance of survival. There may even be a worse case: you may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves." - Winston Churchill

Faster, please.

Sunday, January 12, 2003

Did someone declare this "Moral Preening Week" and not tell us?

First, Kristina Olsen, sister of a 9/11 victim, goes to Iraq to sing "Abraham, Martin and Saddam". Then Arianna Huffington gets out of her limo long enough to lecture us about SUVs, and now corrupt Gov. George Ryan of Illinois releases murderers and commutes all death penalty sentences just before leaving office.

We haven't seen this much arrogance-disguised-as-compassion since the last several minutes of the Clinton Administration.

Ryan, who is under investigation for corruption, ignored the wishes of thousands of victims, family members, neighbors, jurors, prosecutors, judges, legislators and millions of voters. While we don't support the death penalty where there is serious doubt about guilt, that was not the case in the vast majority of these murders.

Let's listen to George Will, speaking of a terrorist who killed 3 people, tried to kill many more, maimed 29 more people over a 17-year crime spree, admits his guilt, and yet still draws air:

"The subjects of crime and punishment instructively demarcate differences between liberals and conservatives. The former are inclined to regard man as disposed by nature to spontaneous sociability. And they are inclined to locate the causes of crime in irrational and correctable social arrangements or, more recently, in psychological or biological processes, the autonomous nature of which diminishes or altogether erases the criminals' responsibilities."

"Liberals are disposed to favor punishment only when it is drained of retributive elements and when it is justified as therapeutic for the offender and society. Conservatives resist assaults on the concept of responsibility, assaults arising from this non sequitur: All behavior is in some sense caused, therefore causation attenuates -- often to the vanishing point -- responsibility."

"Would executing Kaczynski deter others like him? Perhaps not, but so what? One purpose of punishment is to civilize the wholesome -- wholesome because it buttresses civilization -- desire for vengeance against the vicious. Unless the Unabomber is executed, his final victim will be society's confidence in assigning responsibility, and its serenity in expressing retributive anger."

George Ryan is a theiving crook. He may well have commuted these sentences to purchase goodwill for his own legal case. He also neglected to tell the voters his plan before he was elected, so he is a fraud and a liar, as well. In addition to being a moral coward, arrogantly substituting his verdict for the jurors'.

Theif, Liar, Fraud and Arrogant Coward.

At least those inmates finally got their due;

A Jury of their Peer.

Saturday, January 11, 2003

A Free-Range Fairy Tale

Item: Earth Liberation Front torches a parking lot full of SUVs.
Item: Animal Liberation Front kills 150 chickens in an effort to "free' them; their torches panicked the animals.

"Little Green Riding-Hood, The Big Bad Wolf And The Llama From Hell", by Gene Poole.

"Our two organizations will join for our next action," said ELF Spokes-carbon-based life-form, Willow Bay Stone Rock Dirt Hill Stick Mud Forrest Sawyer Brown-Feild, known to her fellow fanatics as "Stumpy".

"That's right," said ALF Spokespecies Nero "Wolf-killer" L'Arson, a.k.a.:"Rin-Tin-Tin". "I'm pleased to announce our next torching; We plan to burn an entire stable full of horses to the ground...to show how much we care about them. We feel this action will finally convince the American people of the reasonableness and decency of our cause," barked "Rin-Tin-Tin".

"And, while we at ELF blame the horses for the Bronco, the Mustang, the Colt and especially the Pinto, and recognize that they are non-native species, we want everyone to burn their cars and ride horses," said "Stumpy".

"But we here at ALF want the horses to ride people," growled "Rinnie".

"And we here at ELF want everyone to take off their clothes, leave their homes, and live in the trees and caves, the way Gaia intended!!," shreiked Stumpy.

"But we here at ALF think that you haven't considered what the sight of a naked Helen Thomas could do to the mating habits of the Grizzly; and other animals need those trees and caves!," screamed Rinnie.

"Bite me, Dog-boy! ELF thinks people should go to the beaches and return to the primordial ooze from whence they sprang!," yelled Stumpy.

"Do you have any idea what that would do to wet-lands habitat, you idiot?," howled Rinnie.

"Now, children; may I suggest herding all non-beleivers into hemp-fired no-emission ovens?," said a bearded stranger.

"Who are you ?," asked Stumpy.

"You may call me Usama Bin-la...Bin-Llama!," said the stranger.

"The Llama is making a lot of sense, Stumpy," said Rinnie.

"Yes, he is" said Stumpy, "I guess great minds think alike!"

They certainly do, boys & girls.

Of course, little Alf and the Elf were the first ones herded into the Llama's oven.

And the Llama was bombed back to Hell by the U.S. Air Force and Rin & Stumpy were never heard from again.

The End.

(Disclaimer: Our Legal Dept., Atty. Richard Gere from the Whampoa Ltd. Desk at Kissinger & Associates, advises us to state: The preceding post in no way impugns the character of the Llama-American Community, those hard-working, patriotic Americans who graze in high mountain passes and taste like chicken. Thank you.)

Thursday, January 09, 2003

Thinking of you

Our heart-felt thanks and appreciation go out to reservists and their families for their unselfish service and all they do for us. We know many of you are in transition now, and our gratitude and prayers are with you.

We also would like to thank concientious government employees, who, as a group, often come in for a drubbing around here. You know who you are; those of you dedicated to protecting your fellow citizens and serving this Nation. We know you're out there, and we are grateful.

Kick Ass.

Wednesday, January 08, 2003

The baby Elvis

Happy Elvis' Birthday to All!

Now Rock it, Cats!

It's just a game, It's just a game, It's just a...It's just a damned Left-Wing Conspiracy, that's what it is!

Playing "20 Questions for Kids" and up pops the 'Reagan' card.

Did you know Ronnie's only accomplishment was naming a woman to the Supreme Court? If you don't count 'Bedtime for Bonzo' and the Iran-Contra Affair, that is.

What is winning the Cold War, rescuing the American economy and freeing millions of people across the world, compared to 'Bonzo'. Thanks for the 'teachable moment', I guess.

I wonder what the 'Clinton' card would look like. Maybe there won't be one.

It is a children's game.

Shapknife Thanks the Academy

and Cold Fury.com, where Mike has an excellent post on the grossly unfair competition posed by Helen Thomas to the struggling Mounted Moose-Head Industry. As a talented musician, we're glad he concurred with our music criticism, posted at another dark, distubing website.

We also thank His Hegemony, Emporer Misha, whose thoughtful, nuanced cogitations helped inspire recent musical highlights from the Grammys, (also published at that same tense, troubling website).

For those who don't wish to be seen anywhere near that Pathology on Parade website, we lazily re-publish this show-stopping moment from last night's Grammy Awards:

...a Tribute to Mr. Paul Henning, creator of the beloved anthem made famous by Mr. Lester Flatt and Mr. Earl Scruggs...the Theme from... "The Bedouin Dune-billies"!

Hit it, boys!:

Come and listen to my surya 'bout a man; "Achmed";
A poor Bedouin, barely kept his camel fed.
Then, one day he was shootin' at some Jews,
and up from the ground come a bubblin' crude.

Oil, that is. Black Gold, Tehran Tea.

Now the next thing you know Achmed's a millionaire,
Kinfolk said "Bomb an Embassy in Zaire!"
said "In Ramallah, is where you ought to be",
so he rented him a Ryder truck, to go to Entity.

Zionist, that is. Siloam's Pool, moving targets.

Now it was time to wave 'Salam' and head to Tel Aviv,
But the bomb exploded in his face, no other casualties.
Achmed is now a pile of shit on which his camel feeds;
Fuck you and your Death Cult
from the 7th Century!

Take the cap off; set the fuse. Y'all Ka-bloom now! Hear?

Monday, January 06, 2003

Regurgitated Bile

..."It's what's For Dinner!"

This just channeled in from "Mr. Cleo, Right-Wing Psychic!".

"Mr. Cleo" seems to have a slight problem with those Deep-Fried French Frauds, the Raelians.

Somehow, we doubt we've heard the last of him. Hey!...we're getting the hang of this 'psychic' thing!

Get Rael!

Well, that didn't take long.

The parents of the baby allegedley 'cloned' by the Raelians are backing off from their promise to prove it through DNA testing.

No!... Really!!?

First, some background.

As with most bad things, our story starts in France.

The Raelians were a cult founded by French race-car driver, Claude Vorhilon. See?; the lying has already started. France has no race cars. The Government shut down all those factories years ago, when work was outlawed under DeGaulle. The French now support themselves by pouting.

In 1972, Vorhilon took his annual 12 -month vacation from his non-existent job, and journeyed to the French volcano, Mt. Surrendaire. There, he took the brown acid, and was abducted by voluptuous Alien women who told him humans were created by their race of extra-terrestrials, and that he needed to change his name to "Rael". And brush his teeth. The voluptuous alien women spoke perfect French. Which IS beleivable.

The Prophet Rael beleives cloning is the key to immortality. Mr. Cleo believes he should use a little "Just For Men" on his beard and get over himself.
Rael also believes in simultaenously screwing everything that walks, crawls, flies or plugs into a standard 120 volt electrical outlet ( adapter kit available for European outlets). Mr. Cleo suspects cloning may be the only way the Raelians will ever know who their real parents are.

If a Raelian baby was cloned, then the maternal grandfather is the actual father. If the little Raelette wasn't cloned , that may still be the case. Cults are worse than inbred Bedouin dune-billies in this regard, and the Bedo-billies usually have better table manners and personal hygeine.

Prophessor Rael is given to Mad Scientist-like ravings, such as "Ethics is a word that has no place in science...Nothing can stop science!"..."BWAHAHAHAHA!".

So, naturally, Quebec has recognized Raelianism as a religion, with it's own UFO-Land Theme Park in Montreal.
Proving that Canada MUST be invaded immediately, before they launch the "Attack of the 50 ft. Celine Dions".

Cult Spokes-Chemist, Dr. Brigette Boisselier, claimed that a lesbian couple from Holland had given birth to another cloned baby; yet another impossibility, since the new Islamic Government of Holland has outlawed lesbianism. Imagine; Holland, without tulips or a finger in the dike!

Dr. Boisselier, who received her Doctorate from the prestigous Timothy Leary Institute in Peyote Button, New Mexico, has a look that is familiar to those of us who lived through the Cult Wars of the 70's.
A troubling look that we here at 'Psychics d Nostradumbass' refer to as "a customer profile", an integral part of our business plan.

The stringy hair with 3 shades of dye in it. The puffy lips from those marathon sessions in the communal hot tub and the endless, robotic chanting. The vacant stare from dark, sunken eyes that come from a strict diet of crackers and honey, washed down with distilled water. The mindless grin from the slackened jaw. The extra pounds that accrue when one is permitted to leave the compound, drive the Community van to the Health Food store, and guiltily inhale 7 gallons of Cherry Garcia Ice Cream in the store parking lot before returning to the Compound , moments prior the Maximum Leader's decreed curfew.

And, of course, the just-enough make-up to cover the "Recruit Me! I'm Yours!" sign on the forehead.

Clone this, Claude.

Mr. Cleo's got your number. bitch.

Some people just can't hold their drugs.

Friday, January 03, 2003

"The Brigade"

written by Howard Blum, (2001, Harper Collins) is highly recommended.

It's the true story of the "Palestine" Brigade, 5000 Jews who were finally allowed by the British to fight the Nazi monsters who had murdered so many of their friends, family and neighbors. It was a small gesture on the part of the British, who had conflicting agendas, but it turned out to have had vast consequences.

It tells the story of three men; Israel Carmi, Johanan Peltz and Arie Pinchuk, who fought Nazis on their own terms and won. Then, when the combat was over, they turned their gaze to the formerly invincible SS, hunting them like the animals they were. Upon finding an orphan Jewish girl, they had a change of heart, and began smuggling Jewish survivors to the re-nascent Israeli nation.

The razor-close calls, the miraculous coincidences and audacious subtrefuges almost defy beleif. It makes for a fascinating read, to say the least.

One passage struck me; It spoke of the "reasonableness" of the highly-educated Jews of Europe; they 'thought' themselves into near-extinction; but, in their defense, who could have conceived of Hitler's madness?

However, we witnessed the Twin Towers; the new 'Ovens' in the sky, live on TV; and yet many of our intelligensia seem similarly blinkered, if not hostile to our self-preservation.

The proto-Israelis were in a fortunate position to help their people escape, and formed an organization called the TTG, which stands for...I think I'll let you find out on your own. Ouch.

"...Carmi told Eve (the orphan) about...a land where melons and oranges grew in the warm sun and it was not a crime to be a Jew. She told him it sounded like he lived in Heaven."

Without exaggeration, an Epic story. A Must-Read.

Thursday, January 02, 2003

You were warned;

In light of Sen. John Edward's announcement that he is seeking the Presidency, Sharpknife thought it appropriate to gloat about our Oct.16 post when we called it correctly (and urge you to forget all about that other post on Nov. 20!).

Because of Al Gore's unprincipled, cowardly, yet merciful, decision not run again, the Dems have dredged up another Iron-Clad candidate from the murky waters of Carolina, to stop the marauding Sharpton juggernaut.

Suggested Campaign Song: "That's the Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia"..."Don't trust your soul to no backwoods Southern lawyer..."

From Oct. 16th, we bring you the "Man From Mayberry", Sen. John Edwards:

"Howdy, y'all."

"I want y'all to know I was just down at the courthouse with Sheriff Taylor and Opie, and the Sheriff said ' John, you're a trial lawyer, but you're not scary like that Dershowitz guy & Johnnie Cockroach.' "

"That's what you thin...that's right, Andy." says I.

"I'm a DLC Democrat. That means I can't tell you what I'd really do if'n y'all make me President someday. Shucks, I even support a measure that the Bar Association hates!
It would limit attorney's fees to just half of the Gross National Product. Y'all."

"Well, that's just wonderful, Senator." said the Sheriff.

"By the way, Andy, I represent Otis here, and his disability check just arrived at the liquor store,and..."

"Say no more, Senator. Deputy Fife, release Otis to the custody of the Senator. He won't be much trouble, Senator. No more than, say, Teddy Kennedy."

"Thanks, Sheriff! It'll go easy for you when I sue Deputy Fife for brutality," says I.

"Wait a darn minute! He can't do that can he Andy?," said Barney.

"Well, Barney, he did shut down 'Aunt Bea's Pickle Pie Emporium' 'cos she didn't have any lesbian employees," said Andy.

"Yeah, but that was 'cos the 'Pickle' part scared them off!," said Barney.

"And remember when he sued Floyd the barber under the Clean Hair Act? Floyd had to file an Environmental Impact Statement to sweep up the hair off the floor...and get a Federal Beautician's License! Drove him plumb out of business!," said Andy.

"Deputy Fife, do you deny getting in the cell with Otis and laying down?," says I.

"Well, no, Senator, I take a nap every afternoon, but..."

"Do you realize how you sexually terrorized poor Otis under color of Authority?," says I.

"What!? He was dead drunk asleep!," said Deputy Fife.

"So you admit to taking advantage of the Disabled! This is going to cost you, Sheriff!," I told them.

"Senator, Mayberry's a small town; we can't afford that," says Andy.

"My staff tells me that if you close the orphanage, cancel that new cement pond at the Youth Center and raise taxes 10% , you'll be able to afford my fees...'course, you still have to pay Otis for his pain & sufferin'," I said.
"But I've got to get back to Washington now, so's I can perpetrate some more Justice for you people!"

Opie: "You're a bad man, Senator!"

"Here kid, have a cigarette! Every penny we lawyers & Democrats get from smokers goes to fight those Big Tobacco boys up in Mt. Airy!"


has been honing his writing chops in a seedy, smoky jazz club in the bad part of Webtown.

Some mystical, musical meanderings from... THAT OTHER PLACE!

Planet Rael, On My Mind

We are going to go way out on a limb on the farthest branch of the family tree, and predict that the claim by the Raelians to have cloned a little Raelette will be proven false.

The Raelians are a UFO cult that beleive humans were created by a race of super intelligent extra-terrestrials. Which, paradoxically, is a theory disproven by the existance of Raelians. And this web-site.

Fred Eckhard, a spokesman for United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan, said that in the absence of any scientific proof "we can't automatically accept it as a fact". Huh?... that never stopped them before!

"No-one should expect the secretary-general to send flowers," he said.

"Now, if it could be proven that the mother was a thuggish, murdering dictator, Mr. Annan WOULD bring flowers, a breifcase full of cash and gladly mop away the after-birth with his tounge," he added. Okay, I added.

Dr. Patrick Dixon, an expert on cloning ethics, said: "There's a global race by maverick scientists to produce clones, motivated by fame, money and warped and twisted beliefs." Exactly. The professional Psychics here at 'Nostradumbass' have a phrase for those kind of people; "the Competition". And we don't like it one little bit.

Besides, even Mr. Cleo knows there will never, ever be another Mr. Ray Charles.

Tell your Ma, Tell your Pa.

Whoever they are.

Wednesday, January 01, 2003

Happy New Year!

To all our friends, Romans, countrymen & country girls;

May all the countries you wish to see invaded be conquered this year!

Sorry about the light posting, but we're having a little tiny fun at the world's first Right-wing psychic network, Nostradumbass.blogspot.com. Get your credit cards ready, and stop on by if the spirits move you.

Special New Years wishes to Anna, where it's always the Year of the Belligerent Bunny; and not a moment too soon!

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