Monday, February 28, 2005

By Their Fruits, Ye Shall Know Them 


Mark Steyn:

"I don't like to say I told you so. But, actually, I do like to say I told you so. What I don't like to do is the obligatory false self-deprecatory thing to mitigate against the insufferableness of my saying I told you so. But nevertheless I did."

When I grow up, I want to write like that. Kidding...I meant "If".

Mr. Steyn is of course refering to the fruits of Pres. Bush's Mid-East policies.

What the cranks & nay-sayers will never say is that we tried it their way for years...and the only thing that has worked is the President's policy of "Mandatory Freedom".

It's driving them mad; "How can we give Gorbachev credit...while denying anything good has happened?"

It's all great.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

"First, Do No Helium" 


"When a doctor does go wrong, he is the first of criminals."--Sherlock Holmes

(Washington, D.C.) Former Mayor of Vermont Howard Dean was chillin' wit' his DNC homies recently at the Washington Hilton--not to be confused with Paris "Motel 6" Hilton.

The event was proceeding smoothly, when inexplicably, and in violation of Federal Meat Safety Handling Guidelines, Dr. Dean foolishly attempted to "make" a "joke".

As a fully-accredited, governmentally-approved Humor Specialist, let me say that commiting Attempted Jocularity On a Person or Persons of Color Without Benefit of a Federal Humor License is a serious, serious charge...and nothing to laugh about. Especially the way Howard does it.

Either that, or he was suddenly stricken with Munchausen's-Humor-by-Proxy Syndrome.

Here; you diagnose:

"You think the Republican National Committee could get this many people of color in a single room? Only if they had the hotel staff in here."

Chairman, please.

Park Avenue Howard is so white, he thinks John Negroponte served as James Brown's sax player. Or would think it, if only he knew of this hep, new saxophone thing.
He's so white, he thinks Otis Redding was an Indian--just like Ward.
He's so white, he thinks Ossie Davis was the guy who married Harriet Nelson.
He's so white, he thinks the movie "Ray" is about an Ashcroft Mind-Control Device.
He's so white, he thinks "beige" is a mysterious, edgy and vaguely dangerous color choice.
He's so white, he thinks 'bling-bling' is the sound made by Sonar. Howard is so white, a solar eclipse can be safely viewed by holding him up to the sun.

At his recent debate with Richard Perle, who happens to be a light oyster, Dean insisted Democrats were actually stronger than Republicans on national security. This is a guy who says we must respect Usama's Constitutional Right to the presumption of innocence. And putting Saddam on trial at the Hague would be just fine by him--it matters not.

Howard Dean's national security views are like a five-story whore-house: wrong, and wrong on so many levels.

Perle practically begged him to say something, anything, about the War on Terror that could possibly be construed as mildly patriotic or even marginally sane--even if one had to close one's eyes and wish really, really hard--but Chairman Tinkerbell spat out the bait, his circuitry hard-wired to auto-pilot-It's-all-Bush's-default mode.

And he wonders why elected Democrats flee a state whenever he shows up. It's because THEY CAN COUNT, Howard.

If Tom had just DeLayed, Howard would have chased those derelict Democrat legislators out of Oklahoma and back into Texas for him.

Sadly, no surprise. "Nothin' to see here, folks; Move along,.org."

Howard is a stuffed shirt who suffers from delusions of mediocrity. Because he barely even rates Fisking, let's just replay his theme song from the campaign...also because I won't have to write any new material:
(to the tune of the great Chuck Berry's 'My Ding-a-Ling':)

When Howard was a little bitty boy,
dreams of power brought him joy.
"Someday, I'm gonna be President",
but Mayor of Vermont was as far as he went.

My Dean a Ling, my Dean-a-Ling,
I want you to vote for my Dean-a-Ling.
My Dean-a-Ling, O my Dean-a-Ling,
I want you to vote for my Howard Dean-a-Ling!

Howard went to medical school,
took Viet Nam off to build swimming pools.
The thought of fightin' Commies made his backbone seize,
"Mommy, Send money; baby needs new skis!"

Howard got mad on September 11,
'We'll get those bastards', he swore to heaven.
But when he saw Bush gettin' credit,
by September 12th, he was over it.

Howard gets money on the Internet,
the others dwarves haven't caught him yet.
There's a theory floatin' 'round it's all a scam;
"Hawad Ndean...Nigerian?"

"If we ever catch Hussein,
it's off to World Court with Johnny Cochran!"
Now THERE'S a trial that should be fun;
Howard; you O.J. Simpleton!

What if the World Court aquits,
and makes Saddam EU President?
It's dinners with Jaques, and lots of fun,
while Howard catches dogs back in Burlington.

My Dean-a-Ling, my Dean-a-Ling,
I want you to vote for my Dean-a-Ling
My Dean-a-Ling, O my Dean-a-Ling,
I want you to vote for my Howard Dean-a-Ling!

As a politician, Howard sucks;
As patriot, he's Howard the Duck.
Dog-catcher is his best bet,
'Tho as an M. D., he'd make a pretty good vet.

(Bonus verse!)

Howard now steers the DNC
He's on collision course with Hillary
"Police Fear Gang War in Chappaqua!"
The Clinton Crime Family
versus MoveOn Mafia!


Friday, February 25, 2005

The Rall Deal 

Did you see this?

"Subject: URGENT: Cease and Desist Notice
Dear Mr. Horowitz:

It has come to my attention that you have, without obtaining written or other permission, posted a publicity photograph of myself, apparently copied from my website, to your site Discover the Network (http://www.discoverthenetwork.org/). This photograph is copyrighted material. Your act violates U.S. Copyright Law, which provides for damages up to $150,000 plus attorney's fees.
I therefore request that you take the following actions on or before 5 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on Friday, February 25, 2005:
1. Remove said photograph from your website.
2. Agree to remit the sum of $5,000.00 as payment for your unauthorized use of said photograph, with such payment via money order to be received within three (3) business days at my address in New York, New York.
3. Sign a notarized stipulation agreeing not to post my copyrighted material in the future.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this urgent matter.

Ted Rall

Subject: Re: URGENT: Cease and Desist Notice
Dear Mr. Rall,

I represent David Horowitz, and am writing to respond to your email below. I am informed that the "publicity photograph" was not copied from your website, contrary to your surmise. It appears to be in the public domain. If you dispute this, please promptly furnish me with a copy of your copyright registration.

Even if the photo is copyrighted, its use in FrontPageMagazine.com appears to qualify as a fair use. The nature and purpose of the use is news reporting and commentary in an Internet publication for nonprofit educational purposes. The very nature of a "publicity photo" suggests that it is ordinarily intended to be used without obtaining permission in advance. Moreover, it does not appear that the effect of the use would be to decrease the value of the photo, which appears to have been widely circulated in many sources. Accordingly, we believe a court would find this use of the photo to be "fair" under Section 107 of the Copyright Law.

Based on the foregoing reasons, your three requests are hereby rejected. We would be willing to consider any further information you care to provide, including a copy of any copyright registration. --Manuel S. Klausner."

That's a fine, fine piece of writing by Mr. Klausner--except he forgot to include the standard legal closing "With all the sincerity I can possibly muster for such as yourself,".

A simple oversight, we're sure.

Fortunately for you however, our patented ManufacturedNews E-mail Extrapolizer(tm) from Ashcroft Industries was able to electronically capture the rest of the exchange:

Dear David;
Dude, you didn't have to go and lawyer-up on me. Let's just talk mano a mano. Okay, 5K is a little strong. How 'bout 25 hundred in small bills and we'll put this whole thing behind us? But I need it by sundown.--Ted

Dear Ted,
No. --David

Dear David,
That was just my opening bid. Let's call it an even grand. But send it now.--Ted

Dear Ted,
Again, no.--David

Look, man; if I don't come up with 500 bucks by tonight, they're gonna beat my ass. Look at my hands, man--they're shakin'. How can I draw cartoons with my hands shaking like this? I need this money.

You mean you drew those cartoons when your hands weren't shaking? Are you in some kind of trouble, Ted? You know, there are Twelve-Step programs...

Ted: I can't go there, man. Rove has his agents everywhere...SHHH!...did you hear that? I think the wall just breathed!

David: Uh, no, Ted. This is e-mail; I didn't hear anything.

Ted: Gimme 250 bucks.

David: Get some help.

Ted: Alright, here's what I'm gonna do--and this is my final offer: gimme a hundred bucks and I'll give you all my original pen & inks.

David: I wouldn't wipe my a...

Ted: Easy, man; my art is my life.

David: Ted, do you have any idea what that says about your life--any idea at all?

Ted: Whatever. Okay, forget it; they're already in the pawn shop anyway. How 'bout $75?

David: No.

Ted: $50?

David: NO!!!

Ted: Listen, Dave; times are hard since I lost my gig at the Post. And the Times. Rove got me fired by threatening to give Jeff Gannon's day-pass to Maureen Dowd. Pinch just couldn't afford that kind of exposure, that right-wing bastard.

David: Don't talk about Mr. Rove that way...

Ted: No; I mean Pinch is a right-wing bastard--compared to me, anyway. Look, David; how 'bout we meet at The Four Seasons and you buy dinner and drinks?

David: No, Ted.

Ted: Okay; just drinks.

David: Stop it. Stop it now.

Ted: Okay; grab a six-pack at the 7-11 and I'll meet you in the parking lot.

David: Not all "interventions" are in foreign countries, Ted.

Ted: Forget the 7-11. Let me come over to your house, look through your medicine cabinets and keep any change I find in the sofa cushions. Where do you keep the Sterno?

David: I've already called 9-1-1. Goodbye, Ted.

Ted: Wait...do me one favor, David.

David: ...(*sighs*) What is it, Ted?

Ted: Could you keep my photo up on your web-site? I need all the publicity I can get.



Sunday, February 20, 2005



Denis Boyles: "So when the president goes to Europe to give his speech to all the EU-niks in Brussels on Tuesday, it’s important that he speak clearly--or at least clearfully. Because there are a few things he needs to say, and they can all be summed up in seven handy, easy-to-utter phrases:

1. Get a job. With their endless vacations and pint-sized workweeks, Europe can’t produce enough of anything--including more Europeans--to save themselves from doom."

...Great close, too.

Mark Steyn on 'Faec the Nation':

"It's a good basic axiom that if you take a quart of ice-cream and a quart of dog faeces and mix 'em together the result will taste more like the latter than the former. That's the problem with the UN."

It's also a good basic axiom that if anyone, anywhere is bottling and selling dog feces, it will be the UN. And they'll be doing it, not by the quart, but by the metric ton...all the while skimming the profits and issuing reports blaming the US for the dangerous, destabilizing dog-feces proliferation crisis.

Mr. Steyn again: "The entire...narrative is wholly post-modern: either way, it makes no difference. That suits Europe; the Kyoto Treaty makes no difference to global warming, the EU negotiating troika makes no difference to Iran's nuclear programme, the threat of an ICC subpoena makes no difference to the Sudanese government's mass slaughter programme – and Washington has concluded that a Europe that makes no difference suits it just fine, too."

"Vive le Indifference!", eh? I say if we can't shame them into manhood, we should at least shame them.

Via Low Earth Orbit, fresh from targeting lonely widows and aging actresses, Eason Jordan:

"Let me also thank Fidel Castro. ... Fidel was intrigued by CNN. He wanted to meet the person responsible. So Ted Turner, who at that point had never traveled to a Communist country or knowingly met {or married} a Communist, [went to Havana]. It was big deal for Ted and during the discussions Castro suggested that CNN be made available to the entire world. In fact it was that seed, that idea that grew into CNN International, which is now seen in every country and territory on the planet."

So Journalist-For-Life Fidel is a co-founder of CNN Internationale? That explains a lot.

But as Mama always said, "Let him who is without sin cast the first Sharon Stone."

Saturday, February 19, 2005

"People's Republics": 


Jamie Swift at King County Journal:

...""I was a Democrat until September,'' said Cherri Mann, her throat quivering. `"I walked the walk and I talked the talk.''

Mann proceeded to explain to [King County Executive Ron] Sims that her five-acre Bear Creek property is "worthless'' now, because of the strict development limitations of the CAO.

Mann said she needs to get an $800 permit to pick raspberries on her property, and her dog can only run free on two acres of the land.

"My property is worthless,'' she said. "How can government overstep so much?''

Sims said he would take her phone number and investigate her case.

Then a long-haired man in the back stood up.

"It's not just her,'' he said. "She speaks for thousands of us.''"...

...And that's how Republicans are made, kids.

(Hat-tip: Common Sense and Wonder)

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Free Speech v. Freak Speech 


A week or so ago, former technocrat and Harvard president Larry Summers had the temerity to wonder aloud if there were biological differences between men and women that might account for the dearth of females in engineering and higher math.

Predictably and 'naturally', Hillarity ensued.

As if to prove the point, one female professor claimed that Summers' words caused her to suffer a good, old-fashioned, Victorian-Era case of hysteria--a malady, like polio and smallpox, long-thought to be extinct in this country.

Another claimed that Summers' words constituted "a resignable thing".

'Resignable'?--Why, it's enough to make one ask "Is our children learning?"

Not to be misunderestimated, other indignant professors went even further, demanding that Summers resign. The professional harridans over at NOW nagged for his firing--but then (THEN?), they think "Bea Arthur" is a command, not a proper name.

You see, Summers' mild musings violated one of the foundational tenets of Feminist Fundamentalism: any disparities between men and women are, of course, mens' fault. And any discussion--or even the suggestion of a discussion--about differences in male/female mental processes is blatant bigotry. That is, unless one seeks to explain away the drowning of six kids in a bathtub. Or talk about the obvious superiority of womens' intuitive 'ways of knowing'.

It would seem that Heather Has Two Standards, as well.

Alas, Peace and Harmony now reign in Harvard Yard once again.

As George Neumayr writes "The Soviet-style confession notes extracted by angry feminists from Summers are his pledge never to think freely about these matters again."

But that was last week's academic controversy.

This week's is the case of Ward Churchill. (--no relation to the famous British wartime leader, Sir Montgomery Ward.)

And the same people who demanded Larry Summers' job now tell us that Prof. Churchill can't possibly be fired for "exercising his Free Speech rights". The head spins.

Who is right here--the leftist academics and professional victims who demand accountability for "Free Speech"...or the very same leftist academics and professional victims who demand no accountability for "Free Speech"?

Either way, the psychiatrists win.

But before we answer that question, let's read more excerpts from Mr. Neumayr's excellent article, "Professors of Stupidity":

..."Ward Churchill is a faker and liar beyond caricature. But modern academia's notion of "academic freedom" is so hollow and useless that it extends even to him. Notice that the entire discussion about Churchill is framed in terms of "his rights", as if universities exist primarily to provide platforms for jobless grifters to feed students lies." ...

"Playing dumb is now an academic job requirement. Literally dumb: you must not say or see certain things."

"In the face of a nihilist like Ward Churchill, self-respecting professors in the past would have said: either he goes or we go. Now before a barbarian like this, professors and craven university administrators are speechless." ...

"The purpose of "academic freedom" is the attainment of truth, apprehending what is. Yet universities that hire teachers who use ideology -- which is just lying writ large -- to obstruct students from pursuing the truth are always held up as bastions of academic freedom. They are its greatest enemies."

"The more obviously true the thought, the more likely these universities will be to police it."...

That, my friends, is what Harvard used to call "Veritas"; please, read it all.

Now, let's define terms; what is "the right to Free Speech"?

Certainly there is a Natural Right to communicate with our fellow human beings. Or, in the case of Raelians, to communicate with earthlings--and others. Regardless, it works a lot like this:

"Honey, does this dress make me look fat?"

"Yes. Yes, it does, dear. Wow--now that you mention it, it makes you look very fat. Really fat. Very, very fat. Extremely very really fat. And not just fat, but Phaaaat! I'm talkin' Michael Moore-phat here, babe! Morbidly obese, corpulent even. Hey...wait a minute...I'm just exercising my Rights here...put down the gun, honey..."

You will now get to experience another Natural Right, the one Aquinas called "The Right to Sleep On the Couch For the Rest of Your Miserable Life".

In other words--and you liberals may want to move your lips along with the words as you read this--ideas--and the expression of those ideas--have consequences.

Now if, by the 'right to Free Speech' we mean the First Amendment, then let's take a look at it. (This is a good habit to get into; anytime the Left makes a Constitutional claim, you'd damned well better know exactly what the Actual Constitution actually says):

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

In short, "Congress shall make no law...abridging the freedom of speech"...yet we know that there is no "Right" to commit libel, slander, incite riots, lie under oath, shout "Fire!" in a crowded theater, tell others our national security secrets or to verbally plan a crime, to name but a few limitations.

For example, if you've said that you support the violent overthrow of the government--as Churchill does--that could disqualify you from, say, getting a job at the State Department. Maybe.

Even if we take the Incorporation Doctrine to the nth degree, and say "The Colorado Board of Regents shall make no rule abridging the freedom of speech," firing Ward Churchill does not constitute an abridgement of his speech.

Why? Because no governmental authority is banning or confiscating his faux-history books or forcing him to remove his filthy fatwas from the internet. Unlike actual victims of censorship, like, say, Cuban librarians, Ward would be the first 'censorship victim' in history to have a new book deal, a booking agent and his every drool recorded and broadcast by the microphones of a dozen networks. He'd be just as free as he ever was to spread his dis-American agit-prop. But neither is any agency compelled to provide him a stage from which to preen and perform.

(We'll leave aside for the moment the argument that his writings might constitute incitement to murder, aid and comfort to the enemy, sedition or other crimes.)

Could you keep your job if you told your customers "Thanks. Have a nice day. And remember, kill some stockbrokers--they deserve it!"? Try it sometime.

If a professor advocated the return of lynching for "deserving" blacks, should he keep his job? If he said--and taught in class-- "Women deserve to be raped," would you just shake your head and say "He's got Free SpeechBrand Rights(tm)...there's nothing we can do."?

I wouldn't.

You might want to take a look at what "Psych" Ward wrote. It's a truly, truly unbalanced screed that could have only been written by vicious, psychotic scum. It surveys the entire world throughout history, but manages to find no fault with anybody, anywhere, at any time...except for America and Americans, who are, it seems, the sole source of evil in the world.

It starts out by mentioning the Kennedy assassination--favorably--and pretty much goes downhill from there.

Despite Churchill's recent assertion that he only supports the murder of the "technocratic class" (as if that were exculpatory), you'll find that he refers to ordinary citizens as "dolts" and "Good Germans" and justifies our deaths as well. But it is refreshing, I suppose, to finally find an academic who supports the death penalty, albeit not for Mumia, but for "Mom".

Speaking of lynchings, he calls for the public hanging of Colin Powell. And of our first black President, Bill Clinton. And George Bush 41. And Albright. and all other War Criminals, which includes, well, pretty much every American who ever lived.

Except for, as luck would have it, Ward and his friends.


You'll also learn how our troops are cowards, terrorists are brave...and that even if we apologized and paid reparations to everyone, everywhere for every bad thing that has ever happened to anyone, anywhere, at any time, we would still remain a criminal nation filled with criminal citizens who deserve a criminal's death.

Churchill claims to mourn the deaths of children. Iraqi children. Palestinian children. American Indian children from the 1830's. Children of the Sixties. Children of the Sun. Children of the Corn. Children of the Rice, and of the Wheat, and all the other Chex children. The Children of God. Children of a lesser god. The Children of Neverland. The Children at Neverland. Children, children, children.

Don't believe him; they're just props.

The only thing he mourns is the fact that we don't see him as he sees himself: The Most Moral Person Who Has Ever Lived(tm). And the fact that he lacks the testicular fortitude to do what he really wants to do: pick up a gun and just start shooting people who disagree with him.

But, hey, why get your hands dirty, mess up your pension and miss your date with that impressionable young co-ed on Friday night, when al Qaeda will do your dirty work for free?

No, someday God will stand before Ward on Judgement Day...and, boy, will He have some explaining to do!

But should he be fired ? (Churchill, not God.)

Certainly not for being "anti-war". Or for being, literally, anti-, un- and dis-American.

Or for claiming that Bush only got his job because of Daddy, while, in fact, Churchill only got his job by claiming a fictional great-great-great-grand-Daddy.

Or even for his faux-scholarship, alone.

Did you happen to notice that there was no mention of 'academic freedom' in the Constitution? Professors do not have more rights than any other citizen. Indeed, they have more responsibility. And that is where Churchill fails.

He fails to meet even the lowest, the most corrupted standards of professionalism or even--and especially--common decency. When he advocates, justifies and encourages the murder of his fellow citizens, he crosses a line. THE Line, in civil society.

No, Little Beaver, I'm not worried about the Ward. I'm more concerned about us; once upon a time, we knew this stuff.

The Nutty Pervessor has earned his dismissal...for his magical, mystical, 1/64th-faux-Indian-way-of-knowing, the ability to look at a list of 9/11 victims and discern who was worthy of slaughter based solely on their race, occupation and nationality--and for his relentless advocacy for more of the same.

Of course he should be fired.

And, yes, he should be fired precisely for what he said.

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