Saturday, January 31, 2004

A Half-a-Raspberry 


Blogdom has had quite a field day with the hypocrisy of Al's pre-emptive, unilateral quashing of dissent. And rightfully so.

But he does have a point. Besides the one on the tip of his nose where his eyes focus.

If someone goes to a protest, all sides have a right to their say. But if one goes to a partisan assembly, where supporters have come to hear a speech, those assembled also have a right to hear the speaker without a continuous temper-tantrum interrupting the entire proceeding. Even Democrats, Greens and other satanic cults have this right.

So go to the speech. Stand up and voice your dissent. Then shut up. Turn your back on the speaker if you wish. But if you continue to disrupt the assembly, be willing to accept the consequences.

Franken rolled up on the guy from behind, which strikes me as a little less than manly. Whatever. I'd just like to see the photo of his broken glasses taped together with a band-aid.

At the Smoking Gun.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Apocalypse Then? 

With a feral desire to become more popular than John Lennon, John Kerry appeared before Congress in 1971 and called his fellow troops 'war criminals'.

Mack Owens asks: "Were you lying in 1971 or are you lying now?" Answer; yes.

Sen. John McCain has told us how his captors played tapes of John Kerry's congressional testimony in order to demoralize the American POWs.

The dubious testimony of a junior officer is one thing; but can we afford to have as a Commander-in-Chief someone whose current speeches could be used to demoralize any modern-day (God forbid) American POWs, just as in 1971?

Monday, January 26, 2004

And Speaking of 


After 'SILENCE AND RESPECT', I'd like to say it again;

Let's Roll.

Saturday, January 24, 2004

It Was a Dark and Stormy Convention 

Without naming any names, we'll refer to them as, oh, say, the "Lemocrats".

The Year is 1947.

And Americans relax, after--once again--pulling France's chestnut souffle out of the fire. They flock to Broadway to watch "A Streetcar Named Desire" in taxis named "Bob". They laugh at Tom & Jerry cartoons in theatres, in those heady days before the stupid, futile and unconstitutional War on Animation. They listen to the late Glenn Miller--think 'Springsteen', only with musical talent. and class. and guts.

In 1947..."Meet the Press" debuts on NBC. We've since met them and are not terribly impressed. Stamps cost three cents...and were made so sturdily, that some of those letters are still being delivered today. 'Existentialism' is postulated by Jean-Paul Sarte, who may or may not have actually existed. Chuck Yeager breaks the Sound Barrier...yet fails to shoot down the hovering spacecraft as it deposits a fully-animatronic Al Gore in Roswell, N.M. before fleeing to the safety of a distant galaxy. Cowards. Liberal Democrat Ronald Reagan battles Communists in Hollywood. They move to Malibu. And become Record Company Executives. In Europe, Greedy Imperialist American Cowboys impose the Marshall Plan, named after the great American Secretary of State, Marshall Dillon. Halloween came early that year...

...on October 26, specifically.

That fateful night, a child is born to Hugh and Dorothy Rodham in the tiny hamlet of Chicago, Illinois. Oddly, they choose the name 'Hillary Diane' for the child, instead of the more conventional names of the era, such as 'Susie', 'Jane' or 'Lucretia Druizella, Hell-Beast from the Underworld'. In later years, Hillary would claim as her namesake the Conqueror of Mt. Everest, Sir Edmund Diane, who was, as yet, an unknown bee-keeper from New Zealand. This was the first known manifestation of the famous 'Rodham psychic Cattle-futures' gene.

Life was good in their leafy, up-scale suburban Park Ridge ghetto, where men with their brief-cases would leave for work each day, and women were chained naked to stoves and beaten. Now, thanks to the Feminist Revolution, after a hard day's work in the Senate or writing bitchy columns for the Times, Today's Women can proudly come home to an empty mansion, curl up with a Deepak Chopra book and mutter to themselves how all the men they know are either faithless wolves or metro-sexuals, while cats lick their ankles as they cry themselves to sleep silently mouthing the words to an American Movie Classics re-run. Oh; and don't forget to unchain the Guatemalen maid.

Yes, life was sweet for the close-knit family. Should Li'l Hill be bullied by a boy at the school debate, she would tenderly cry out to her mother: "Matriarch! File suit on my behalf!". Many were the evenings she would greet her father at the door, saying "Welcome to the community property domocile, esteemed Family Member," (as per her motto: "Women, Children and their Families").

Daily mealtimes with her siblings were fun; she would sometimes sneak a pork-chop or an extra biscuit, slipping it under the table to feed the family pet, 'Hugh'. The family attended Methodist services-- which Hillary still attends to this very day. Methodism is, of course, a benign & humane denomination, which avows the Christian Gospel and endeavors to help those who are less-fortunate. Except when practiced by George W. Bush; then it suddenly becomes a dangerous and deranged cult of snake-handling fundamentalists, hell-bent on establishing an Imperialist Theocracy with the help of Halliburton.

Young Hillary was instinctively drawn to politics as a way of enforcing her temper tantrums on a larger public. While the infant held back in 1948, correctly sensing that Harry Truman had a lock on the Democratic nomination that year, by 1952, the five year-old was ready to make her move. Hillary, in what would later become a Clinton tradition, climbed out of the bed-room window, caught a streetcar (named 'Mad Desire For Power', as coincidence would have it) that took her downtown to Chicago's International Amphitheater, the site of 1952's Democrat Convention.

Once there, she was a ruthless power-broker, paying off delegates with her lunch-money and cutting deals in the smoke-filled rooms. When the smoke cleared, she came away with two things; a deep-seated aversion to all things resembling a cigar, and a victory for her candidate, Adlai Ewing Stevenson, best remembered today for his role as Lt. Colonel Henry Blake on 'M.A.S.H.'. Although that role was actually played by Adlai's first cousin, McLean. Who is best remembered for playing Shirley MacLaine at dinner parties. In reality, as everyone knows, Adlai Stevenson played the role of Pamela Ewing on 'Dallas'.

That campaign season there were ten Democrat candidates: Adlai Stevenson, Richard B. Russell, Russell B. Terrier, Russell Stovers, Averell Harriman, Pamela Harriman, Pamela Ewing, Estes Keefauver, Billy Sol Estes, Emillio Estevez, Charlie Sheen, Bishop Sheen, Charlie Parker, Parker Brothers, Robert Kerr, Deborah Kerr, Josef Stalin and Al Sharpton. Okay; so that's more than ten. But some of them were the same person.

So what can we learn from this?

First, if you rearrange the letters in "Adlai Ewing Stevenson", it spells "Ann Wants Steve's Eau de Ewe-Love". almost. A sentence so malignant, so malicious, so demonstrably false, that Paul Begala is considering bringing suit against the Stevenson estate for unfair use of his copyrighted speech-process. We wish Mr. Begala well in his effort and can recommend this leggy attorney.

Second, just like 1952, there were TEN candidates, not nine. And that was the last time a presidential candidate was chosen by ballot at a deadlocked convention. Prediction: The Clintons continue to backstab the other candidates in turn, so that no one candidate arrives in Boston with a clear majority. HILLARY!'04 offers herself as the Reluctant Saviour of a divided party, not having said one bad word against anyone. in public. She clinches the nomination on the third ballot and picks Wesley Clark as her running-mate. The news anchors all spontaneously wet themselves live on national TV. And not hidden behind a desk, as is the usual practice. The media go into Full "Candidates Gone Wild!" Mode, meme-crazy with " THE FIRST-EST, SMARTEST WOMAN IN ALL OF HISTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Of course, this scenario depends entirely upon the willingness of the Clintons to betray all the other candidates and use every dirty trick in the book to sabotage any opposition in a blind, all-consuming frenzy of personal ambition and a blood-lust for raw political power. And the complicity of a press corps so filled with biased suck-ups that they would glady floss with Hillary's old toe-nail clippings.

Okay; maybe the fourth ballot.

(All apologies to Dave Barry--one of only four or five nationally-syndicated humorists whose name, when rearranged, spells 'Dry Ab Rave', a deodorant/shinola polish not sold in this country since 1952.

Coincidence? I think not.)

Friday, January 23, 2004


This swing-voter has some doubts about Bush. Can't please everyone, I guess.

Stateless No More! 

Mrs. Suha Arafat has become a French citizen.

She lives a lavish lifestyle in Paris, courtesy of French ankle-subsidies. No wonder the Europeans fund the PLO--most of the money ends up back in Paris. And just as our elites send their children to private schools, while denying choice to poorer children, the lovely, lovely couple's daughter has somehow escaped being recruited as a suicide bomber.

"Asked if Yasser Arafat is now entitled to French citizenship as spouse of a French national, Gaudin said that according to French law, the Palestinian president is not automatically entitled to such citizenship, but if he meets certain criteria, he theoretically can get a French passport..."

Well, why not? If Abd al-Rahman abd al-Bauf Arafat al-Qud al-Husseini, Egyptian terrorist, can become Yasser "Last Chance" Arafat, Palestinian, anything ees possible, no?

As-tu perdu la têtes?

Lookin' Around 

Washington Times 'Iraq-Cuba axis':

"The reports stated that Cuban intelligence, which is known to have extensive "coverage" of U.S. military bases, supplied information to Saddam's intelligence service on the movement of troops and other military activities. The intelligence ties are believed to be an offshoot of Cuba's covert oil-purchasing arrangement with Iraq under Saddam."

..."The intelligence sharing also comes amid reports from Cuban exiles that Cuba became a safe haven for fleeing Iraqi government officials following the U.S.-led invasion." Imagine my shock.

Lest we forget, here are some stories of those who jumped the Berlin Wall from The Atlantic Monthly, Nov. 1961:

"I will say nothing about the bureaucracy, about the endless paperwork, about the formalities, about the silly procedures in the hospitals. I will give you an axiom, though. It is this: Politics poisons medicine. The hospital to which I was attached was headed by a man who was an imbecile. He was a Communist. Twenty years ago he would have been a Nazi, and probably was. That was the kind of man he was. He drove everyone mad with his stupidity and with his political questions. I would be reading an X ray from a man with pneumoconiosis, and he would slip up behind me and ask if I had read Khrushchev's latest speech on disarmament. What did I care about some Russian and his sophistry? I was trying to see if some poor miner with six kids had a chance to live."

Don't miss Denis Boyles EuroPress Report at NRO.

Boyles reports that Tony Blair's political fate hangs on the upcoming Hutton Report about the BBC/Kelly suicide affair.

Also this from Mr. Boyles: "Unfortunately, the need to make somebody else responsible for the deranged acts of others is taken for granted in modern Britain, where a neutered society is easily stirred to impulsive acts of hysteria like launching a huge investigation to figure out why some poor soul committed suicide. Soft sentiment is devouring Britain; the whole country seems ripe for an NPR membership drive. No wonder Col. Tim Collins, the author of a very famous eve-of-battle speech and the closest thing the British have had to an authentic military hero in 60 years, threw in the towel last week. According to the Daily Telegraph, Collins has had it with the nancy policies of the new British military. Collins's wife told reporters that her husband was "worried [the Army] is being crippled by political correctness, petty bureaucracy and the refusal of politicians who send British soldiers to war to give them enough money to do their job."

I'm sure most of you have seen this:

"I went to the safe where my licensed and registered gun was kept, loaded it for the very first time and tucked it under the mattress of my bed. I assured my frightened children ''that daddy would deal with the bad guy ... if he ever returned.'' Little did I imagine that this brazen animal was waiting in the backyard bushes as I tucked my children into bed."

"Fifteen minutes after bedtime, the alarm went off. Three minutes after the alarm was triggered, the alarm company alerted the police to the situation and 10 minutes later the first police car pulled up to my home, but only after another call was made to 911, by a trembling, half-naked father. I suppose some would have grabbed their children and cowered in their bedroom for 13 minutes, praying that the police would get there in time to stop the criminal from climbing the stairs and confronting the family in their bedroom, dreading the sound of a bedroom door being kicked in. That's not the fear I wanted my children to experience, nor is it the cowardly act that I want my children to remember me by."

"Until you are shocked by a piercing alarm in the middle of the night and met in your kitchen by a masked invader as your children shudder in their beds, until you confront that very real nightmare, please don't suggest that some village trustee knows better and he/she can effectively task the police to protect your family from the miscreants that this society has produced."

"This career criminal had been arrested thirty times. He was wanted in Georgia and for parole violations in Minnesota. How many family homes had he violated, how many innocent lives were affected, how many police reports went into some back office file cabinet, only to become some abstract statistic? How is it that rabid animals like this are free to roam the streets, violating our homes and threatening the safety of our children?"

"If my actions have spared only one family from the distress and trauma that this habitual criminal has caused hundreds of others, then I have served my civic duty and taken one evil creature off of our streets, something that our impotent criminal justice system had failed to do, despite some thirty odd arrests, plea bargains and suspended sentences." --Hale DeMar, Wilmette

"DeMar was cited with breaking Wilmette's ban on handguns and with failing to update his firearm owner's identification card. The misdemeanors are unlikely to bring jail time. Wilmette Police Chief George Carpenter did not criticize DeMar for protecting his family but said homes are safer without handguns." For criminals, maybe.

Townhall.com's C-Log reports some good news on vouchers: "U.S. Senate Gives D.C. School Choice Program Final Approval".

David Frum explains why the Dean melt-down may be good news for conservatives--and America:

"President Bush will have to win his second term by hard work and serious persuasion. That's less fun than the shooting-fish-in-a-barrel campaign against Dean or Clark. But it will prepare the way for a much more successful Bush second term."

"How you campaign shapes how you govern. By pressing President Bush to explain and defend his activist approach to the terror war, a Kerry, Edwards, or Lieberman candidacy will force the Bush camp to talk candidly about why his approach will work and why the Democratic approach will not. They will force President Bush to mobilize public support for his bold vision and drive him away from the mushy middle. If faced by more effective opponents, the Bush political operation will quickly perceive the weakness of the vague, feel-good campaign that has been tempting some Bush staffers." Competition, for students as for voters, usually produces a better result.

And finally, Jeff Brokaw has this from a pointy-headed New York reporter who may be learning:

"...tasseled loafers and rep ties incite a great deal of laughter in the infield at Talladega."

"Nascar dad wants a political process, a president, a government, that make him feel the same galvanizing, heartbreaking pride he feels when he looks at his flag. Nascar dad wants to be moved, inspired, encouraged. Nascar dad wants to be put in touch with his better angels."

"Nascar dad wants to know that all his hard work, all his effortful virtue and his diligent vigilance, all his ancient bravery and his bone-deep devotion, all his canny intelligence and his remarkable ingenuity, all his abiding love of country, and all the struggle in his living and his dying, is in service of something much greater than himself."

That's good writing from a Times guy. Visit Opinions Galore for the link.


Thursday, January 22, 2004

John Quincy Adams 


"And now, friends and countrymen, if the wise and learned philosophers of the elder world, the first observers of nutation and aberration, the discoverers of maddening ether and invisible planets, the inventors of Congreve rockets and Shrapnel shells, should find their hearts disposed to enquire what has America done for the benefit of mankind?

Let our answer be this: America, with the same voice which spoke herself into existence as a nation, proclaimed to mankind the inextinguishable rights of human nature, and the only lawful foundations of government. America, in the assembly of nations, since her admission among them, has invariably, though often fruitlessly, held forth to them the hand of honest friendship, of equal freedom, of generous reciprocity.

She has uniformly spoken among them, though often to heedless and often to disdainful ears, the language of equal liberty, of equal justice, and of equal rights.

She has, in the lapse of nearly half a century, without a single exception, respected the independence of other nations while asserting and maintaining her own.

She has abstained from interference in the concerns of others, even when conflict has been for principles to which she clings, as to the last vital drop that visits the heart.

She has seen that probably for centuries to come, all the contests of that Aceldama the European world, will be contests of inveterate power, and emerging right.

Wherever the standard of freedom and Independence has been or shall be unfurled, there will her heart, her benedictions and her prayers be.

But she goes not abroad, in search of monsters to destroy.

She is the well-wisher to the freedom and independence of all.

She is the champion and vindicator only of her own.

She will commend the general cause by the countenance of her voice, and the benignant sympathy of her example.

She well knows that by once enlisting under other banners than her own, were they even the banners of foreign independence, she would involve herself beyond the power of extrication, in all the wars of interest and intrigue, of individual avarice, envy, and ambition, which assume the colors and usurp the standard of freedom.

The fundamental maxims of her policy would insensibly change from liberty to force....

She might become the dictatress of the world. She would be no longer the ruler of her own spirit....

[America’s] glory is not dominion, but liberty. Her march is the march of the mind. She has a spear and a shield: but the motto upon her shield is, Freedom, Independence, Peace. This has been her Declaration: this has been, as far as her necessary intercourse with the rest of mankind would permit, her practice."

From Claremont's Richard Samuelson: "John Quincy Adams on the War We Are In"--"Old Man Eloquent" saw the Islamist threat coming."

"Regarding the Greek independence movement, Adams said that America "goes not abroad in search of monsters to destroy. She is the well-wisher to the freedom and independence of all. She is the champion and vindicator only of her own. That was not his last word on the subject, however. In the mid-1820s, President Adams wanted to help the nascent South American republics."

"Though Adams thought America in his day should stay out of international struggles beyond the Western Hemisphere, he didn't think that would always be the case. President Washington had said that Americans should have "as little political connection as possible" with Europe. As his diplomatic dispatches from Europe in the 1790s make clear, Adams agreed. Yet President Adams argued in 1826 that Washington gave counsel for his day, not for eternity: "I cannot overlook the reflection that the counsel of Washington in that instance, like all the counsels of wisdom, was founded upon the circumstances in which our country and the world around us were situated at the time when it was given…. [But] compare our situation and the circumstances of that time with those of the present day, and what, from the very words of Washington then, would be his counsels to his countrymen now?""

What, indeed?

David Frum: "If American power had not been called to war to defeat, tyranny would have conquered the world in the 20th century – and would still rule it now. John Quincy Adams’ famous line that America is the “well-wisher to the freedom and independence of all,” but the “champion and vindicator only of her own” is simply false as a matter of fact. From Korea to Kuwait, American power has championed the freedom and independence of the whole planet; from Moscow to Montevideo..."

Roger D. Carstens: "But in this post-Cold War world where America reigns as the only superpower, the security environment has changed. I'd like to hear what Washington and Jefferson would have to say about "not entangling ourselves in the affairs of foreign powers," after the 9/11 attacks."

..."The United States DOES go abroad in search of monsters to destroy. America has found that it is better to hunt and kill monsters abroad rather than waiting for them to attack us."

"The point is this: I doubt the Founding Fathers could have envisioned how small the world-a global community — is today. Specifically, they could not have imagined the threat that America faces at the hands of small terrorist groups harbored in failed states."

"Simply put, America is at the crest of a new age, where security is to be gained by promoting and exporting American values. Our actions in the next 20 years will determine the way the world looks for the next few hundred years, and whether America still exists. If we do not shape our environment, our environment will shape us — and it will most probably not be for the better."

Victor Davis Hanson: "In fine, we are now engaged in one of the most ambitious, perilous, and radical undertakings in our history — and we are ever so slowly winning."

And 'radical' it is. As one 'radical Republican' put it:

"Fellow citizens... we cannot escape history. The fiery trial through which we pass will light us down in honor or dishonor to the latest generation...We shall nobly save or meanly lose the last best hope of earth.”

"...it will not cease, until a crisis shall have been reached, and passed. A house divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure, permanently half slave and half free. I do not expect the Union to be dissolved -- I do not expect the house to fall -- but I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing or all the other."

Lincoln spoke of a nation divided. But if we think of our shrinking & divided world as the "house", our course is decided. In an age of jet travel, cargo containers, too-open borders and weapons of mass destruction, we cannot leave a 7th-Century Death Cult to fester where it will. Our oceans do not suffice as our defense as they did 200 years ago.

As a conservative, I wish it were not so.

But wishful thinking is the antithesis of conservatism.

President Bush: "...our security will require all Americans to be forward-looking and resolute, to be ready for preemptive action when necessary..."

That is a fact. And as John Quincy's father said, "Facts are stubborn things."

Let's roll.

God Help Us 

'Body Parts for Sale - Fetal Harvesting' by Mona Charen, November 9, 1999

""Kelly" (a pseudonym) was a medical technician working for a firm that trafficked in baby body parts. This is not a bad joke. Nor is it the hysterical propaganda of an interest group. It was reported in The American Enterprise magazine -- the intelligent, thought-provoking and utterly trustworthy publication of the American Enterprise Institute."

"The firm Kelly worked for collected fetuses from clinics that performed late-term abortions. She would dissect the aborted fetuses in order to obtain "high-quality" parts for sale. They were interested in blood, eyes, livers, brains and thymuses, among other things."

""What we did was to have a contract with an abortion clinic that would allow us to go there on certain days. We would get a generated list each day to tell us what tissue researchers, pharmaceutical companies and universities were looking for. Then we would examine the patient charts."

"We only wanted the most perfect specimens." That didn't turn out to be difficult. Of the hundreds of late-term fetuses Kelly saw on a weekly basis, only about 2 percent had abnormalities. About 30 to 40 babies per week were around 30 weeks old -- well past the point of viability."

"Is this legal? Federal law makes it illegal to buy and sell human body parts. But there are loopholes in the law. Here's how one body parts company -- Opening Lines Inc. -- disguised the trade in a brochure for abortionists: "Turn your patient's decision into something wonderful.""

"For its buyers, Opening Lines offers "the highest quality, most affordable, freshest tissue prepared to your specifications and delivered in the quantities you need, when you need it.""

"Eyes and ears go for $75, and brains for $999. An "intact trunk" fetches $500, a whole liver $150. To evade the law's prohibition, body-parts dealers like Opening Lines offer to lease space in the abortion clinic to "perform the harvesting," as well as to "offset [the] clinic's overhead.""

"Opening Lines further boasted, "Our daily average case volume exceeds 1500 and we serve clinics across the United States.""

"Kelly kept at her grisly task until something made her reconsider. One day, "a set of twins at 24 weeks gestation was brought to us in a pan. They were both alive. The doctor came back and said, 'Got you some good specimens -- twins.'"

"I looked at him and said: 'There's something wrong here. They are moving. I can't do this. This is not in my contract.' I told him I would not be part of taking their lives. So he took a bottle of sterile water and poured it in the pan until the fluid came up over their mouths and noses, letting them drown. I left the room because I could not watch this.""

"But she did go back and dissect them later. The twins were only the beginning. "It happened again and again. At 16 weeks, all the way up to sometimes even 30 weeks, we had live births come back to us. Then the doctor would either break the neck or take a pair of tongs and beat the fetus until it was dead.""

Here is the rest of Mona Charen's article.

As if this were not bad enough, New Jersey and now Delaware both seek to legalize embryonic cloning, which, when it inevitably clashes with 'Roe', must lead to either human cloning or forced abortions.

Evidently, there are not quite enough abortions, as these states want businesses to grow fetuses specifically to be aborted.

Do we really want to farm human beings?

Here is a piece on the Delaware situation at the Weekly Standard.

First, they came for the babies...

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

The Democrat Response 


"Hi. I'm Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. For those of you seeing me for the first time, please do not adjust your set."

"Hello, everyone. I'm Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle. We're...excuse me a second, folks. (to cameraman) Hey!; I'm down here!...that's better...Nancy and I are here to give the Democrat response to the President's State of the Union Address. The State of our Union is troubled. And saddened. And concerned. Deeply. And..."

"Let's cut to the chase, Tommy," said Nancy. "We've only got 30 seconds. We need the biggest, best-trained, best-equipped military in the world. And it must never, ever be used under any circumstances whatsoever. In conclusion, let me just lay out our positive vision for America; 'Halliburton'. 'Unilateral'. 'Pre-emptive'. 'Quagmire'. Oh, yes; and 'Social Security'. Thank you and Goodnight, America, wherever we are."

The Republican Response 


"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."--TR

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

A Major Modern General 

AND THE FRENCH WOMAN'S LIEUTENANT in "The Incredible Shrink-wrapped Candidates!"

Gen. Wesley Clark attacked Sen. John Kerry's military credentials:

"He's a lieutenant and I'm a general. You've got to get your facts on this. He was a lieutenant in Vietnam. I've done all the big leadership. He's got military background, but nobody in this race has got the kind of background I've got. It's one thing to be a hero as a junior officer. He's done that, I respect that. But I've got the military experience at the top as well as at the bottom. I negotiated peace agreements. I led a major alliance in war. He was a lieutenant in the Navy and I was a 4-star General in the Army."

Sen. Kerry confronted the General on the "King Larry Show", where both tried to bolster their military credentials before potential Democrat voters:

Sen. Kerry: "How dare you question my military record, Wes?!"

Gen. Clark: "You will address me as 'Proconsul/Field Marshall Clark', Lieutenant Kerry. Now drop and give me 50!"

Rep. Kerry: "I haven't been in the military in 30 years; I'm not doing any push-ups! You're crazy!"

Lt. General Clark: " I'm greater than General Washington. Greater than Jackson, Grant and Eisenhower! I am WESLEY AUGUSTUS!"

Larry King: "Guys, I think..."

Both: "Shut up, Larry!"

Gov. Kerry: "I think Democrat voters should know my military record, Wes. When I won all those medals, I came home and tossed them over the White House fence. I made sure the Senate gave North Vietnam a pass on POWs. And I called our troops war criminals. "

Major General Clark: "That's nothing, Lt. Calley...I mean, Kerry; I've traded caps with a real war criminal. When I was at NATO, it took a decade to get Slobo. And I made sure he'll be on trial for another decade. Plus, I nearly started WWIII by attacking the Russians."

State Senator Kerry: "Well, I voted for the war and for the Patriot Act, because I deeply oppose the war and the Patriot Act."

Brigadier General Clark: "I oppose the War and the Patriot Act also, Lieutenant. I would have voted for them, too."

State Representative Kerry: "When I served in Viet Nam, I failed to capture Ho Chi Minh."

Colonel Clark: "Well, I served there too, and I never got him either."

Mayor Kerry: "If I am elected President, I'll make Yoko Ono my Secretary of Defense, like I promised John Lennon as I cradled him in my arms outside the Dakota."

Lt. Colonel Clark: "And I'll appoint Madonna as National Security Advisor, like I promised Michael Moore when I cradled him on the floor of the Chicago Stockyards."

County Commisioner Kerry: "But will you give France a veto over any military action like I will?"

Major Clark: "I'll give France AND French Guyana a veto!"

City Councilman Kerry: "Jaques Chirac will be my Vice-President!"

Captain Clark: "Hans Blix has already agreed to serve as mine."

Parks & Rec. Director Kerry: "I think we should disband the military and just have a Dept. of Peace."

Lieutenant Clark: "Groovy, man. Not just 'Peace', though--'Peace, Love and Understanding'!"

Dog-catcher Kerry: "I don't know if I can grovel any lower than that, Wes."

Sgt. Clark: "I can, John."

Neighborhood Watch Contact Kerry: "How, Wes?"

Pvt. Clark: "I will declare the United States of America dissolved, and we'll become a U.N. Protectorate. Then all the world will love us and we'll be safe at last!"

Unemployed Civilian Kerry: "That's brilliant military thinking, Wes!"

Unemployable Civilian Clark: "Thanks, John."

After the Revolution, the two homeless, job-less, stateless U.N. refugees were sent to work in the Hildebeast Salt Mines and never heard from again.

The End.

2 For The Prez 


Pres. Bush did the right thing calling for a return to the moon and more space exploration. It's long overdue. The Mother-Earthers will howl (at the moon, ironically) and the Mommy-Statists will whine about the cost--"Just think of all the mohair subsidies we could buy with that money!"--but our national security and a manly sense of adventure compel us. You kids missed out on the first space race, when every schoolboy knew the names of the Mercury astronauts. They were as big as the Beatles. Who we had also, come to think of it. This was before John Lennon turned into a leftie ditz. And John Glenn too, come to think of it.

And kudos to the Prez for appointing Judge Pickering. The judge fought the Klan in mid-60's Mississippi, when doing so was still dangerous. Naturally, he is reviled as a racist by national Democrats, lying crap-weasels that they are. The people of Mississippi, both black & white, know better. Once upon a time. respect for the Constitution was a requirement for office, not an impediment to it. Here Come Da' Judge!

And may I say, before the spirit of the season fades entirely, Kwanzaa is a plot by segregationists, communists and liberal yuppie scum to f**k the Black Man out of Christmas.

Thank you.

Saturday, January 17, 2004

Fisking Dick 


Hispanics: Key To GOP's Future
By Dick Morris
FrontPageMagazine.com | January 16, 2004

"President Bush's immigration/amnesty proposal will probably be remembered in history as the idea that saved a political party."

Yes. The Democratic Party.

"By taking the lead in extending the benefits of legal protections to more than 10 million illegal immigrants now living in the United States, Bush has taken a bold and dramatic step to avert the extinction of his own party."

Americans have determined their immigration policy through their elected representives. What about their 'legal protection' to exercise self-governance? Heresy, I know; but some things are actually more important than party politics, Dick.

"Until Bush acted, the grinding inevitability of demographic change was likely to doom the GOP to an early death. As America became 1 percent more Hispanic each year, the Republicans could not concede this growing group to the Democrats by 2-1 ratios without risking total annihilation down the road."

The only 'inevitability' is that we will cease to be a coherent nation if we fail to have an orderly immigration and citizenship program. Even Hispanic immigrants do not want a free-for-all.

"The Republicans have got to break the solid demographic phalanx that sustains the Democratic Party: Blacks, Hispanics and single white women. Together, this group cast 25 percent of votes in 1990, 32 percent in 2000 and will account for 40 percent in 2008."

This places tribal politics above everything and plays the game on the Democrat's feild. Republicans will NEVER be able to out-pander Democrats on this issue...without ceasing to be Republicans.

"But by embracing the cause of Hispanic immigrants and extending to them elemental civil rights and minimum-wage protections, Bush has struck a blow on their behalf that will resonate in their voting habits for generations to come. His legislative proposals are akin to the sponsorship of a sweeping civil-rights bill in 1963-65 by Presidents Kennedy and Johnson and will have a similar effect in binding Hispanics to the Republicans as the civil-rights legislation did in linking blacks to the Democrats."

Now come the word games; we are not talking about "Hispanic immigrants"--we are talking about ILLEGAL immigrants from across the globe. Muhammed Atta could qualify under this program. And everyone has 'elemental civil rights' already, but violating our immigration laws is not one of them. Civil Rights laws were intended to secure the rights of AMERICANS, not foreign law-breakers.

"For decades, Republicans systematically alienated Hispanics by insisting on English-only initiatives, opposing benefits for illegal immigrants and demanding an end even to free public schools for the children of those who came here illegally. These measures drove Hispanics into the waiting arms of Democrats. Bush has now acted to reverse the legacy of these initiatives and to welcome Hispanics into the GOP."

Unless we want every town-hall meeting to resemble a UN assembly, English should be used for most official business. Privately, Americans use every language under the sun, including Latin: E Pluribus Unum. Look it up, Dick. And you better run the numbers again if you think full-welfare benefits for illegals is a vote-winning strategy. It is unwise to deny schooling IF we are not going to enforce our laws...but schools are not "free"; they cost billions, as do hospitals and jails, which are all overcrowded with illegals. Hispanics, like anyone, ARE welcome in the GOP...on GOP principles. Racialists and welfare-statists belong in the other party.

"As Catholic voters, who take their religion seriously, Hispanics are a natural Republican constituency. Recent data that closely links the frequency of church attendance to party-voting habits supports the theory that this very religious voting group is likely to adhere to the Republican Party once its platform stops repelling them at every turn."

If they took it that seriously would they be breaking the law? And didn't the 9-11 hijackers also take religion seriously? Suppose you are a poor person who wants to sneak into another country. One party in that country offers respect for traditional values and a limited amnesty. The other party doesn't respect your traditional values...but offers full amnesty, open borders, citizenship-on-demand, race preferences, the right to bring your entire village along, health care, food stamps, voting rights with ballots in your native tongue, in-state tuition, drivers licenses, SSI payments for your parents, native language instruction for your children, earned-income tax refunds, FHA loans, etc., etc. Which party do you choose?

"Republican efforts to win black voters have proven largely fruitless. Even the appointment of blacks to the two top jobs in the Bush foreign policy apparatus has failed to generate any significant African-American support for Bush in the polls. But candidates who appeal to the Hispanic vote - Gov. Pataki in New York, Gov. Rick Perry in Texas and the Bushes in Florida and Texas - have shown a real ability to get large shares of Hispanic voters."

There is a right way and a wrong way to appeal to any voter.

"As Hispanics follow the traditional paths of upward mobility that immigrant groups have trod before them, they are likely to lean more and more toward the Republicans - just as Irish and Italians do these days, abandoning the Democratic orientation of their ancestors."

Correct. But that takes time. And never adds up to the hoped-for electoral victories when assimiliated citizens are constantly supplanted by larger numbers of illegal immigrants.

"Hispanics hold the key to the political outcomes in many major states. California, Texas and Florida are heavily influenced by their participation as are New York, New Jersey and Illinois. These are the key battleground states that hold the balance of power between the parties."

But that can't mean All Pander/All the Time. Besides, one could just as truly say that disenchanted Democrats, wavering Independents and stay-at-home voters hold the balance of power.

"Apart from the politics of the issue, the merits also dictate the Bush initiative. America has 4 percent of the world's population but 25 percent of its wealth. It is incumbent on us to open our doors to those who seek upward mobility."

Ah; the Redistributionist speaks. America has 0% of the "world's wealth", Dick. America has 100% of its wealth and the rest of the world has 100% of their wealth. Should they adopt capitalism, the rule of law, honest courts & enforceable contracts, etc., then their 100% will expand. Dick believes that if one man prospers, another must be impoverished.

"The only thing standing between subsistence and starvation in Mexico, and much of Central America is the money sent home to needy families by hard working men and women in the United States who tend our gardens, wash our dishes and clean our floors. It is not American workers who they are putting out of jobs, it is American robots. The alternative to their low wage work is not American labor but machines."

No, Dick; the "only thing standing between subsistence and starvation in Mexico, and much of Central America" are statist, corrupt, unprincipled one-party governments...much like the one you advocate for America. An open-ended supply of cheap labor does indeed drive down the wages of blue-collar workers. If it threatened the livelihoods of politicians and journalists, this debate would already be over. And when robots are technologically & economically feasible, they will be built...preferably by legal American workers at decent wages.

"The United States needs the skills, energy, savvy and willingness to work hard of our illegal immigrants. They are illegal only because our laws have been nativist and short-sighted. Now Bush is setting them right."

We need the talents of LEGAL immigrants, Dickie. But illegals are illegal, not because of 'nativism', but because they chose to break our laws (which are the most generous in the world). And, yes, we need an orderly, fair and sane process of citizenship. Latin Americans make great citizens. But there is a right way to do the right thing, and Bush--along with the rest of the Elite--has chosen wrongly.

"Dick Morris is a former adviser to President Clinton."

And it shows.

England Swings Like a Criminal's Fist 


While U.K. homeowners are discouraged from practicing self-defense against burglars, at least one British judge understands of the use of force in self-defense.

By criminals.

Melanie Phillips has the Telegraph story:

"'Pc (Officer) Peter Scott was called to a house where an intruder was hiding in the loft. The officer told a court that Paul Reilly resisted arrest and assaulted him as he attempted to carry out his duty, punching him and then grinding his face into roof lagging. Pc Scott was left with substantial facial injuries and Reilly was arrested only when another officer managed to get him in a headlock. Reilly, 27, appeared at Reading Crown Court last week and admitted assault occasioning actual bodily harm, but on the basis of self-defence."

"The prosecution refused to accept the plea and Judge Stanley Spence held a special hearing, known as a Newton hearing, to decide if the basis of the plea was well-founded. After listening to evidence, the judge said: "I cannot be sure the defendant was not acting in self-defence when he pushed Pc Scott.""

Quite right, Your Doubtfulness. After all, who can really be sure of anything these days? Maybe the defendant wasn't even burgling; perhaps he got lost on his way to his Brotherhood of Burglars & Home-Invaders Union meeting. It is quite dark at 3 a.m., after all.

The defendant (meaning 'the burglar'...for now) is scheduled to return to court soon for his MBE ceremony.

Britannia Libre!

Friday, January 16, 2004

Consent & Consensuality 


(excerpted from Consent of the Governed)

It must be admitted that we are, on the whole, much more free, informed, healthy, wealthy and scientifically knowledgeble than at any time in history.

Perhaps that is why one hears so much piffley criticism; only when one is not chained to a galley can one focus on searing indignities such as 'inappropriate looking' or freeing Willie at a cost of millions. I assure you that the hungering millions of yesteryear would have zero time and less sympathy for any People for the Animal Treatment of Ethics (PATE') campaign. Especially one which placed both the egg and the chicken, not to mention chicken-coop Feng Shui issues, before the needs of hungry people.

Consent, and consensuality, are all the rage today. (Ironically, the phrase 'all the rage' has gone out of style.)

That's why we provide college students classes such as "Orgy 101: Is Inviting Less than a Dozen 'Non-Inclusive'?" But we then insist that the participants sign a form acknowledging consent at each stage of intimacy, until the love-nest is so papered-over that it resembles the False Affidavit Wing of the Clinton Library after a Miss Arkansas Wet- Melons contest at the Little Rock Hilton.

Marriage may be 'just a piece of paper', but swinging requires its own Dewey Decimal system.

After your institution of higher learning has helped you express your consensuality, it will, of course, provide you with any necessary medical services on a confidential basis.

That means they won't tell your parents.

Who pay your tuition in their own little-minded, repressed bourgeois way.

Because they might actually withhold their consent.

And their tuition check.

Which would violate the Geneva Conventions, UN Resolutions 242 & 345, The Code of Hammurabi...and might even prevent the Dean of Law from taking his Spring Break vacation with his teaching assistant. And that would have a 'disparate impact' on his Constitutional Right to Consensuality, violate the 'Livin' La Vida In Loco Parentis' Clause of his frequent-flyer miles fine print, causing major self-esteem issues with all the resultant lawsuits...and thereby force me to use several other latin words and legal phrases.

Trust me, parents; you don't want that. Let it go. Write the check.

And now you understand 'Consent', Mom & Dad.

Oh...and don't forget to sign.

Ready Teddy 

"It is the duty of every honest statesman to try to guide the nation so that it shall not wrong any other nation. But as yet the great civilized peoples, if they are to be true to themselves and to the cause of humanity and civilization, must keep ever in mind that in the last resort they must possess both the will and the power to resent wrong-doing from others. The men who sanely believe in a lofty morality preach righteousness; but they do not preach weakness, whether among private citizens or among nations. We believe that our ideals should be high, but not so high as to make it impossible measurably to realize them. We sincerely and earnestly believe in peace; but if peace and justice conflict, we scorn the man who would not stand for justice though the whole world came in arms against him."--Theodore Roosevelt

Proven Correct by History 

Senator Henry Cabot Lodge, Sr. (R-MA) speaks out against the League of Nations, Washington, D.C., August 12, 1919.

"Mr. President:

The independence of the United States is not only more precious to ourselves but to the world than any single possession. Look at the United States today. We have made mistakes in the past. We have had shortcomings. We shall make mistakes in the future and fall short of our own best hopes. But none the less is there any country today on the face of the earth which can compare with this in ordered liberty, in peace, and in the largest freedom? I feel that I can say this without being accused of undue boastfulness, for it is the simple fact, and in making this treaty and taking on these obligations all that we do is in a spirit of unselfishness and in a desire for the good of mankind. But it is well to remember that we are dealing with nations every one of which has a direct individual interest to serve, and there is grave danger in an unshared idealism. Contrast the United States with any country on the face of the earth today and ask yourself whether the situation of the United States is not the best to be found. I will go as far as anyone in world service, but the first step to world service is the maintenance of the United States."

"I have always loved one flag and I cannot share that devotion [with] a mongrel banner created for a League."

"You may call me selfish if you will, conservative or reactionary, or use any other harsh adjective you see fit to apply, but an American I was born, an American I have remained all my life. I can never be anything else but an American, and I must think of the United States first, and when I think of the United States first in an arrangement like this I am thinking of what is best for the world, for if the United States fails, the best hopes of mankind fail with it. I have never had but one allegiance--I cannot divide it now. I have loved but one flag and I cannot share that devotion and give affection to the mongrel banner invented for a league. Internationalism, illustrated by the Bolshevik and by the men to whom all countries are alike provided they can make money out of them, is to me repulsive. National I must remain, and in that way I like all other Americans can render the amplest service to the world. The United States is the world's best hope, but if you fetter her in the interests and quarrels of other nations, if you tangle her in the intrigues of Europe, you will destroy her power for good and endanger her very existence. Leave her to march freely through the centuries to come as in the years that have gone. Strong, generous, and confident, she has nobly served mankind. Beware how you trifle with your marvelous inheritance, this great land of ordered liberty, for if we stumble and fall freedom and civilization everywhere will go down in ruin."

"We are told that we shall 'break the heart of the world' if we do not take this league just as it stands. I fear that the hearts of the vast majority of mankind would beat on strongly and steadily and without any quickening if the league were to perish altogether. If it should be effectively and beneficently changed the people who would lie awake in sorrow for a single night could be easily gathered in one not very large room but those who would draw a long breath of relief would reach to millions."

"We hear much of visions and I trust we shall continue to have visions and dream dreams of a fairer future for the race. But visions are one thing and visionaries are another, and the mechanical appliances of the rhetorician designed to give a picture of a present which does not exist and of a future which no man can predict are as unreal and short-lived as the steam or canvas clouds, the angels suspended on wires and the artificial lights of the stage. They pass with the moment of effect and are shabby and tawdry in the daylight. Let us at least be real. Washington's entire honesty of mind and his fearless look into the face of all facts are qualities which can never go out of fashion and which we should all do well to imitate."

"Ideals have been thrust upon us as an argument for the league until the healthy mind which rejects cant revolts from them. Are ideals confined to this deformed experiment upon a noble purpose, tainted, as it is, with bargains and tied to a peace treaty which might have been disposed of long ago to the great benefit of the world if it had not been compelled to carry this rider on its back? 'Post equitem sedet atra cura,' Horace tells us, but no blacker care ever sat behind any rider than we shall find in this covenant of doubtful and disputed interpretation as it now perches upon the treaty of peace."

"No doubt many excellent and patriotic people see a coming fulfillment of noble ideals in the words 'league for peace.' We all respect and share these aspirations and desires, but some of us see no hope, but rather defeat, for them in this murky covenant. For we, too, have our ideals, even if we differ from those who have tried to establish a monopoly of idealism. Our first ideal is our country, and we see her in the future, as in the past, giving service to all her people and to the world. Our ideal of the future is that she should continue to render that service of her own free will. She has great problems of her own to solve, very grim and perilous problems, and a right solution, if we can attain to it, would largely benefit mankind. We would have our country strong to resist a peril from the West, as she has flung back the German menace from the East. We would not have our politics distracted and embittered by the dissensions of other lands. We would not have our country's vigor exhausted or her moral force abated, by everlasting meddling and muddling in every quarrel, great and small, which afflicts the world. Our ideal is to make her ever stronger and better and finer, because in that way alone, as we believe, can she be of the greatest service to the world's peace and to the welfare of mankind."

Doctor, Doctor, Gimme the news 


His Excelencia, Dr. (of Law!) Fidel Castro Ruz has sent thousands of 'health-care workers' to Venezuela.

Unfortunately, they specialize in tyranny-transplants.

From Front Page:

"THE FLIGHTS FROM HAVANA GO TO RAMP NUMBER 4 at Maiquetia Airport 25 miles from downtown Caracas, a ramp re-designated for military use by Venezuela’s Marxist President Hugo Chavez and exempt from the usual customs controls or inspections."

"On September 29 alone, six flights brought 950 Cubans, mostly males in their 30s and 40s. These “Cubans travel without caring about their belongings, which are loaded directly from the planes to the trucks of the mayor’s offices,” reported the journal El Universal on November 18. “The load is guarded by National Guard officers.”"

..."These Cubans are officially welcomed as health care workers, educators and helpers by the Chavez government. But many of them, as an October 6 report by the Center for Strategic and International Studies indicated, are “Cuban intelligence officers” who have been embedded in key sectors of the Venezuelan Government, including its computer data processing, military, oil production, and political police (DISIP)."

"What is clearly underway under our noses is the subversion and takeover of a second Latin American nation by Fidel Castro."

Chavez has seized Venezuela's oil, used the money to subvert other governments and support terrorists, clamped down on the press and is importing thousands of Cubans to help him defraud and repress Venezuelans in the upcoming recall election.

This cannot be permitted. Chavez has already imported Islamists, is rumored to be seeking WMDs, is in league with cocaine-terrorists and is a sworn enemy of the United States and free people everywhere.

Please read this article, courtesy of the Cracker Barrel Philosopher, who has other links at The Country Store.

And, as always, visit our friends at Devil's Excrement for a bird's-eye view.

Imagine another Iraq plunked down in the Americas. Mark my words; Venezuela's plight is EVERY BIT as important to our national security as a Syria or Saudi Arabia.

Free Venezuela!

Thursday, January 15, 2004

The Mangrove Mussolini & The Hollywood 10,000 

"Wherever there is a jackboot stomping on a human face there will be a well-heeled Western liberal to explain that the face does, after all, enjoy free health care and 100 percent literacy."- John Derbyshire

Jay Nordlinger on one aspect of Cuba's much-vaunted CommieCare:

"(Dr.) Oscar Elias Biscet, the Cuban democrat and political prisoner...is close to death."

"Oscar Biscet is the kind of man who should attract our media's interest: a fairly young doctor, a democratic idealist, a practitioner of civil disobedience, a disciple of Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King. He's black. What more could you want? He should be featured on 60 Minutes, his fate should be chronicled in the New York Times — he should be a cause."

"If the likes of 60 Minutes and the New York Times got interested in Biscet, they could save him. Castro would move. But because no one is shouting — no one with a sufficient megaphone — Castro imprisons and tortures at will. If our media are at all interested in Cuba, it's to perfume the dictator, revile the Cuban-Americans, or bash U.S. policy..."

"Yesterday, I was talking with a veteran Cuba hand. He said that Castro's habit is to allow his prisoners to get desperately sick, in some dungeon, and then release them. They die not long after, but not in prison. And they are promptly forgotten, except by their loved ones and the "crazies" in Miami."

God bless you, Doctor Biscet.

I piss in the general direction of Charley Rangel, Oliver Stone, Danny Glover, Janet Reno and all the other Castro boot-lickers & gag-a-bastards who enjoy the kinds of freedom Castro denies to the Cuban people.

Shame upon you.

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Visualizing Wesley 

Wesley Clark flatly asserted that if he were president, there would be no terrorist attacks.

When asked how he could possibly promise such a thing, Clark said "As a general, I'm used to giving orders. When I take the oath and say "So Help Me, Rhonda", the first thing I'll do as President will be to issue a Super-Duper Supersized Order that will make everyone be nice. Also one that makes every child want to eat all their vegetables and brush their teeth. And you know all those re-sealable bags? Well, those will all work like they're supposed to. And batteries will always be included. And if you stay up all night blogging, you'll awaken refreshed and rested with only 4 hours of sleep. It's gonna be great! So let it be written, so let it be done."

Re: re rx 

Tony Blankley:

"I might agree with the president's proposals if they followed, rather than preceded a failed Herculean, decades-long national effort to secure our borders. If, after such an effort it was apparent that we simply could not control our borders, then, as a practical man I would try to make the best of a bad situation. But such an effort has not yet been made. And why it has not been made reveals a singular failing of the American political system."

It's often said that if Americans want something badly enough for long enough, they get it. But immigration has been a stunning exception:

"The Democratic Party has opposed a serious effort at border control both because they are the historic party of immigrants, and because they are currently powerfully in the sway of radical ethnic interest groups and a set of goofy, anti-traditional (almost anti-American) intellectual conceits popular in academe and the media these days."...

Republicans will never be able to out-pander Democrats on this issue...so why not do the right thing and enforce the laws we already have on the books? Or are these just symbolic laws, like many Democrats seem to view their votes for the Iraq Liberation Act or the Use of Force Resolution? Even a little more enforcement would go a long way.

The President's proposal does nothing to solve the problem. The INS can't handle the workload it now has. This is an agency with a backlog of 5 million cases...not counting the 10 million cases of illegal immigrants; an agency that sent out visa approval notices to a Florida flight school for Mohamed Atta and Marwan Al-Shehhi, a half-year after they flew airliners into the World Trade Center. But the President believes it can handle a new program with millions of new cases?

President Bush was scheduled to meet with Islamic groups to discuss the allegedly awful way they had been treated...on the afternoon of Sept. 11. Uhhh...we might have to reschedule, guys.

Re-schedule. Re-form. Re-treat. Re, re, re.

How 'bout re-presenting the re-public?

Monday, January 12, 2004

More More More Good News 

From the Christian Science Monitor:

"The Middle East - a region long known for its rancorous politics - is trying something new: pragmatism and moderation.
Two caveats must come early in any discussion of regional improvements. The success of the US attempt to remake Iraq is by no means guaranteed. And the Israeli-Palestinian peace process is moribund."

"But in recent weeks, Libya has said it will abandon plans to pursue weapons of mass destruction. Iran has promised to allow international inspections of its nuclear facilities. Syria has announced that it is again willing to talk peace with Israel."

"Egypt and Iran are ending an era of mutual mistrust. So are Turkey and Syria. Saudi Arabia is allowing unprecedented internal debate."

"It's the end of radicalism," says Abdel Monem Said..."

Ours ends in November, Abdel.

More More Good News 

From the Washington Times:

"The National Border Patrol Council, which represents all 9,000 of the Border Patrol´s nonsupervisory agents, has told its members to challenge President Bush´s proposed guest-worker program, calling it a "slap in the face to anyone who has ever tried to enforce the immigration laws of the United States.""

""While you're out there trying to do your jobs, which the country isn't too serious about, you´ll have to deal with the expected increase in attempted (illegal aliens), who are trying to get here to take advantage of the proposed amnesty...oops, 'earned legality'," Mr. Frecker said."

""The border is, maybe, 10 percent more secure than it was prior to September 11, but it is still out of control," he said. "Before we do anything else, we need to make sure the border is secure, that illegal aliens in the country are being apprehended and that employer sanctions are being enforced.""

I want to vote for a President who takes borders, sovereignty and citizenship seriously. Fox in '04!

More Good News 

From My Way News:

"The Supreme Court refused Monday to consider whether the government properly withheld names and other details about hundreds of foreigners detained in the months after the Sept. 11 terror attacks."

"The high court turned down a request to review the secrecy surrounding detainees, nearly all Arabs or Muslims, who were picked up in the United States immediately following the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon."

"Many if not most of the more than 700 detainees at issue in the case have since been deported. Some picked up after Sept. 11 were charged with crimes, and others were held as material witnesses. Only Zacarias Moussaoui, who was detained before the Sept. 11 attacks, is being prosecuted in connection with the Sept. 11 attacks."

Even a blind Kangaroo Court finds an acorn of truth once in a while.

Good News 


From the Washington Post:

"U.S. Reaches Accord to Use Turkish Base to Rotate Troops"

"Turkish and U.S. authorities have agreed on terms for the United States to use a large air base in Turkey for ferrying thousands of U.S. troops and equipment into and out of Iraq over the next few months, officials said yesterday.'

"A detailed accord for use of Incirlik Air Base in southern Turkey was negotiated in recent weeks, ahead of the start this month of what U.S. military officials have described as the most complex U.S. troop rotation since World War II, the officials said."

"The deal reflects an improvement in U.S.-Turkish ties that were frayed before the invasion of Iraq, when Turkey refused to allow U.S. forces to use its territory as a staging ground."

How long 'til Clark credits the Clinton Administration?

Success has a thousand fathers.

Sedition by Litigation 

Kris W. Kobach at The New York Post:

"A clutch of liberal interest groups, including the American-Arab Anti Discrimination Committee (ADC), La Raza and the New York Immigration Coalition, recently fired the latest salvo in the left's legal battle against the Bush administration's post-9/11 policies.
In a Brooklyn lawsuit, they claim that it is illegal for federal law-enforcement agencies to enter the names of alien lawbreakers into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) database, which police check to see if specific individuals are wanted by other jurisdictions."

"The lawsuit is yet another example of the left taking a laughable argument out of the policy arena - where it would lose - and dressing it up as a legal claim."
"The ADC and its allies display a similar lack of concern about the criminal threat posed by these aliens. Among the absconders are thousands of murderers, drug traffickers, rapists and child molesters. In March 2002, an alien absconder murdered an off-duty police officer in the New York City area. Had the alien been listed in NCIC and apprehended before the murder, that cop would be alive today. "

"At its heart, this lawsuit seeks to blind America's police officers, depriving them of basic information that can save lives. After 9/11, it became abundantly clear that more, not less, information must be shared with local law enforcement. Two years down the road, that information-sharing is finally starting to gain momentum. With this frivolous lawsuit, the left hopes to reverse what little progress has been made."

There may be a difference between this and treason...but not much.

They won't even lose their law licenses. That's the crime.

Sunday, January 11, 2004

Get over your 'Ick' Factor, folks... 


Wesley Clark makes the case for partial-birth abortions, if not infanticide: "Life begins with the mother's decision." Define "mother", please.

Howard Dean makes the case for same-sex 'marriage', adoption, speech codes, thought codes, coercion in schools & workplaces, etc.: "From a religious point of view, if God had thought homosexuality is a sin, he would not have created gay people." Ergo, if God thought public nudity was wrong, people would not be born naked.

The State of New Jersey makes law permiting the harvesting of a cloned embryo from an impregnated woman but prohibiting the clone from being born. Q.: If "Life begins with the mother's decision", what happens if she decides to give birth? A.: Either human cloning or forced abortion.

"Bertrang and Faulkinbury were charged with conspiracy to violate the federal Prohibition of Female Mutilation Act of 1995, which outlaws the removal of certain sexual organs on girls under age 18 unless it is medically necessary and only then if performed by a licensed medical practitioner." Why isn't it a 'girl's' choice?

"A convicted killer seeking a sex change is entitled, at taxpayer expense, to medical treatment that could lead to gender reassignment, a federal judge in Albany held yesterday. "Surely inmates with diabetes, schizophrenia, or any other serious medical need are not denied treatment simply because their conditions were not diagnosed prior to incarceration," Judge Kahn said." Courts have upheld the right of the State to give a child a secret government abortion...why not this?

Now this, from Theodore Dalrymple's "The Case for Cannibalism":

"Of course, one might argue that by eating Brandes, Meiwes was infringing on his meal's rights, and acting against his interests. But Brandes decided that it was in his interests to be eaten, and in general we believe that the individual, not the state, is the best judge of his own interests."

"Ah, you say, but Brandes was mad, and therefore not capable of judging what was in his own interests. What, though, is the evidence that he was mad? Well, the fact that he wanted Meiwes to eat him. And why did he want Meiwes to eat him? Because he was mad."

"Lest anyone think that the argument from mutual consent for the permissibility of cannibalism is purely theoretical, it is precisely what Meiwes' defense lawyer is arguing in court. The case is a reductio ad absurdum of the philosophy according to which individual desire is the only thing that counts in deciding what is permissible in society. Brandes wanted to be killed and eaten; Meiwes wanted to kill and eat. Thanks to one of the wonders of modern technology, the Internet, they both could avoid that most debilitating of all human conditions, frustrated desire. What is wrong with that? Please answer from first principles only."

Hey; we were all born hungry.

Hang in there, necrophiliacs; your 'Night of the Loving Dead' may yet dawn.

A reader, Mr. W.S. Churchill of Chartwell responds:

"Upon this battle depends the survival of Christian civilization. upon it depends our...life and the long continuity of our institutions... If we can stand up...all...may be free and the life of the world may move forward into broad, sunlit uplands. But if we fail, then the whole world, including the United States, including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age, made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of perverted science. Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that, if [we] last for a thousand years, men will say, "This was their finest hour."

Saturday, January 10, 2004

Biased against Bias 


I do not say there is a liberal media bias.

But then, I don't assert the sky is blue, the earth is round or that the sea is salty. Or, that, even as we speak, Bill Clinton is in an elevator somewhere, chatting up a secretary with mirrors on his shoes; some things just ARE.

However, Brent Bozell of the Media Research Center DOES assert a liberal media bias. And he has gotten under Tom Brokaw's skin:

""It is a little wearying, but you've got to rise above it and take it case by case. Most of the cases are pretty flimsily made. I'm glad that Peter, Dan, and I have been doing this long enough that we're confident in our own abilities to withstand that....What I get tired of is Brent Bozell [president of the Media Research Center] trying to make these fine legal points everywhere every day.""

Cockroach Meet Spotlight. Great job, Brent!

"Brokaw, who described FNC as "a lively, right-of-center opinionated all-news channel," saw no bias on his network or elsewhere, but he touted an attitude which is behind liberal bias as he insisted that the media's duty is to "represent the views of those who are underrepresented in the social context or the political context and to make sure that they're not overlooked and that their wrongs get the bright light of journalistic sunshine.""

Unless the 'under-represented' are conservatives. And Fox is 'right-of-center' but NBC & co. are right down the middle? Please.

Fox only exists because the big boys wouldn't play it straight. Anyway, I thought the job of reporters was to umm, you know, relay facts, not to 'make a difference' by "representing" those deemed "under-represented". Isn't that what all those politicians, unions, civic groups and those eviiiil 'special interests' are for?

In other words, when America goes to war, reporters are supposed to act like neutral observers from another world. But try and touch an entitlement program and suddenly 'advocacy is our job'! When you act like a politician, don't be surprised when you get treated like one, Tom.

Brokaw, who is actually not as bad as some of the others, goes on to set up and knock down the 'conspiracy' strawman. Nobody's saying it's a conspiracy; Japanese just love raw fish and journalists just love liberalism.

Bozell has issued Brokaw a million-dollar-for-charity challenge; who will the judges kick off of Bias Island?

Here are some examples of Tom's work product.

You'll marvel as Tom crowns the vivacious Gorbachev 'Victor of the Cold War'! Be amazed as he declares himself too gosh-darn patriotic to wear a flag-pin! Gasp, as Tom frames balanced questions such as " Republicans; Do they want to kill all of us...or only women, children, minorities and old people? More when NBC Nightly News continues..."

Brokaw is a neo-Kaelian: "I don't know how Nixon [ Reagan, Bush, etc.] could have been elected; nobody I know voted for him!" Denial is indeed a Rivera in Geraldo-land.

I could be wrong.

But I deny it.

(Hat-tip: Between the Coasts)

Friday, January 09, 2004

Good Reads 

Charles Krauthammer's "On To Mars" (and back to the Moon).

Theodore Dalrymple chooses French decay over British rot.

Mudville Gazette's Greyhawk has seen this movie before..."Night of the Protesting Pythons".


Jeff the Repatriate has Boomer Issues.

Herr Castro gets a makeover via Devil's Excrement.

Mental illness pays better than it used to. via Eye on the Left.

Maripat is Right and Lori is Downtown.

Pay 'em a visit.

Thursday, January 08, 2004

Bush Sends Elvanzaa Greetings! 


The White House, Washington, D.C.

I send greetings to those observing Elvis' Birthday.

Celebrated by millions across the world, Elvanzaa honors the history and heritage of Tupelo, Memphis, Las Vegas and Blue Hawaii. This E-day observance is an opportunity for individuals of Elvian descent to remember the sacrifices of their ancestor and reflect on the N'hunkahunka Burnin'luv. Elvis' seven social and spiritual principles offer strength and guidance to meet the challenges of each new gig. These 7 Principles are:

1. Let's Rock. Everybody. Let's rock.
2. Don't be Cruel.
3. Be Proud to Say that She's Your Buttercup.
4. Itch Like a Man on a Fuzzy Tree.
5. Understand the Child needs a Helping Hand, or he'll Grow to be a Miracle Whip-man Some Day.
6. You Can Do Anything...but Lay Off of my Blue Suede Shoes.
7. And Never, never shoot at an armed T.V. set.

During this joyous time of year, Americans renew our commitment to hope, understanding, and the fondest dream of all mankind; that Willie Nelson never be allowed to step foot in a recording studio again. In honoring the traditions of Graceland, Elvislam, a Religion of Peace(tm), strengthens the ties that bind individuals in communities across our country and blahblahblah.

Laura joins me in sending our best wishes for a joyous Elvis' Birthday.

Oh, yeah...Rock it, Cats!

The Many Faces of Al 


Al Gore's personalities might be Presidents today if Democrats hadn't actually inserted High Crimes & Misdemeanors into the party platform. And Mr. Gores would certainly be the front-runners this campaign season. Lucky we.

The brilliant & gentlemanly Lee Harris:

"I had admired Gore's father, one of the south's most distinguished Senators, and, like many southerners, I assumed that the apple could not have fallen too far from the tree -- and certainly it never occurred to me that it could have landed and rolled all the way across town."

"But it did -- a fact that I learned about three o'clock in the morning after the Election of 2000, when I woke up to hear that Gore had conceded the election to Bush, and then had called him back to tell him, Gosh, gee-wiz, he had changed his mind."

"My first thought was: You simply don't do that. It is a violation of the code of a gentleman -- as corny as that might sound nowadays. And it disturbed me greatly, though in this case, as in many others, it was not at once clear to me why the retraction struck me as so intuitively wrong; and I went back to sleep naively thinking the media would slaughter Gore the next day for having done such a thing the night before."

"I was soon disabused of my illusions about the media. None of the pleasant faces I saw on CNN or the other news channels seemed to suggest the slightest hint of disapproval for Gore's conduct. (I did not then know that FOX news even existed.) What could be more natural, these pleasant faces seemed to suggest, than retracting one's concession in a Presidential Election?"

"So I started to ask myself, Was I crazy? Certainly my response was not due to any partisan bias, since I had voted for Gore myself -- voted, I hasten to add, for the image of Gore that I had developed prior to the retraction. In which case, why was I so deeply troubled by what he had done?"

..."For just as he refused to see anything ethically binding in the concession he made to George Bush, so he refused to see what lay at the end of the road he started down when he began to contest an American election, refused to see how the first step would inevitably force him to make a second, and a third, until, at some point, the entire nation would have been embroiled in a crisis of legitimacy, with both sides at each other's throat."

Read it all at Tech Central Station.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

Where Do I Go To Get My Country Back? 

(PT. 1)

President Bush has decided to write-off even more conservative voters. His new immigration-amnesty plan is an assault on our sovereignty, our culture, our laws, our security and our treasury. And the Administration won't even call it an 'amnesty'--which it is.

Critics often say that Bush is fronting for Big Business, which desires cheap labor and the resulting downward pressure on the wages of Americans. There may be some truth to that, but worse, Bush seems to have genuinely accepted Multi-cultism Lite.

Bush proposes to put all job openings on the internet, giving Americans first crack at them. If Americans won't accept them for the wages offered, companies can bring in foreign labor. Whaddaya know; that giant sucking sound was actually low-wage workers being sucked into this country. Instead of sending manufacturing to China, we'll bring the Chinese here.

Tell me; why would companies have an incentive to pay competitive wages when the workers of the entire world are competing for the same job...in America? Yes, we benefit from marginally lower prices, but on balance, I'd rather see my neighbor with a good-paying job than competing against modern-day coolie-ism.

America is not a jobs bulletin-board. This is our home. We can welcome some guests. And have others join our family. But at our invitation, on our terms; not forced upon us by accountants, professional racialists and those who wish to see the very concept of patriotism vanish from the face of the earth. Or those who merely seek to win the next election.

Michelle Malkin explains how this proposal would send untold billions of dollars to other countries. Forever. Just when the Boomers, the generational lump in the belly of the snake, are to begin retiring, we are going to put scofflaws on the dole as well? It rewards those most who have been breaking the law the longest. It punishes those who are even now waiting patiently in line. And it can't be anything but an incentive for even more illegal immigration.


Tuesday, January 06, 2004

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary 


Mark Steyn does in the British Gun-Control/Radio Poll story:

"A "listeners' law" is, of course, a pathetic gimmick. Judging from the reaction of Stephen Pound, MP, the modish proponents of "direct democracy" believe in letting the people's voice be heard only so long as it agrees with what their betters have already decided. So, having agreed to introduce the listeners' choice as a Bill in Parliament, Mr. Pound was a bit shocked to find the winning proposal wasn't one of the nanny-state suggestions (a ban on smoking, compulsory organ donation, mandatory voting) or the snobby joke ones (a ban on Christmas decorations before December), but the right to defend your home."

"Why, the People's Champion himself, Stephen Pound, dismissed it as a "ludicrous, brutal, unworkable blood-stained piece of legislation. I can't remember who it was who said, `The people have spoken, the bastards'."

"That would be Dick Tuck, a long-ago California state senate candidate, in an unusually pithy concession speech. It's an amusing remark as applied to the electorate's rejection of oneself. It's not quite so funny when applied, by Mr. Pound, to people impertinent enough to bring up a topic that you and the rest of the governing class have decided is beyond debate. As used by Mr. Tuck, it reflects a rough'n'tumble vernacular politics; as used by Mr Pound, it comes out closer to "Let 'em eat cake"."

"The Independent's Joan Smith recalled that, when she spied a burglar on her porch, she had no desire to "blow him away". Nor do I, if I'm honest."

"But I do want to have the right to make the judgment call. You can call 999, get the answering machine rerouting you to the 24-Hour Action Hotline three counties away, leave a message, and wait for the Community Liaison Officer to get back next week if he's returned from his emotional trauma leave by then."

"...you're there, the police aren't. And, even in jurisdictions whose constabularies aren't quite so monumentally useless as Britain's, a citizen in his own home should have the right to make his own assessment of the danger without being second-guessed by fellows who aren't on the scene."

"And, once you give the citizen that right, he hardly ever has to exercise it. Take Miss Smith's situation: she's at home, but the burglar still comes a-knocking. Thanks to burglar alarms, British criminals have figured out that it's easier to wait till you come home, ring the door bell, and punch you in the kisser."

Most gun-control is not crime-control, but citizen-control. And goes hand-in-hand with the abolition of the Death Penalty. In response to a brutal shotgun-slaying of 3 policemen 40 years ago, the liberal answer was to abolish the Death Penalty, and to register, and later ban, most gun-ownership.

If the State says to criminals "There is NOTHING you can do that is vicious enough for us to execute you!", even after a long & deliberative process, then it certainly isn't going to let individual victims make that determination on the spot. Though you'd never know it, many European publics support the Death penalty.

The English jurist Blackstone, who is to Law what Edison is to electronics, asserted the right to armed self-defense is an 'Absolute Right'; one that pre-dates & supersedes even Constitutions & societies. So when Steyn says "... once you give the citizen that right, he hardly ever has to exercise it.", he is quite right on the deterrence point...but the State cannot 'give' you that right; it can only honor or dishonor the right previously given by one's Maker.

British gun-control cannot be looked at apart from several other bad liberal ideas; the disparagement of traditional morality (by which I mean "morality") and the introduction of massive numbers of third-world immigrants, a certain number of whom have no loyalty or respect for British culture and traditions.

And certainly the elites have never appreciated Thomas Jefferson's formulation: "The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government." Or perhaps they've appreciated it all too well.

Steyn points out one more unintended consequence; criminals now wait for victims to arrive home and turn off their burglar-alarms;

Can burglar-alarm-control be far behind?

As for the alleged slaughter that would take place; was there a slaughter when the British people were allowed to defend their homes years ago? Did I miss this scene from "Mary Poppins"?:

Winifred Banks: "George; what ARE you doing?"
George W. Banks: "Hello, dear; I'm going to shoot a burglar...it's the English way, you know."
Winifred: "But that's no burglar, darling; that's Bert---our chimney sweep!"
George: "One can't be to careful these days, dear,"...BLAM! BLAM!..."Sorry, Bert, but I haven't shot anyone for King & Country all day. Chin up...way to keep a stiff upper lip, old boy!"
Tony State: "I'm afraid you're under arrest for the murder of Rob Petrie, Mr. Banks."
Mary Tyler Moore: "Oh, Rob...you're hurt!!"
Tony State: "Exactly!"
George Banks: "Who are you, sir...and where is Mary Poppins?"
Tony State: " I'm your new Nanny...Nanny State. Your wife elected me when she got the vote. And Ms. Poppins is fine. She fought off two purse-snatchers in the park with her umbrella; she should be released soon...it's her first offense, after all."
Mr. Banks: "Oh, thank Heavens; for a brief, terrifying moment, I feared she was in the waiting room at National Health."

Instead of criminals, the citizenry lives in fear, sentenced to a life of crime. Meanwhile, the Elites seem to fear only one thing:


Can pun-control be far behind?

Lettuce Pray 


St. Howard of The One True Bike-Path: “The president has lost 3.2 million jobs since he came into office and it’s a real problem because there are a lot of kids coming out of college who can’t find jobs.” Also this:

"Asked to name his favorite book in the New Testament, Dean cited Job -- which is in the Old Testament -- because "it's such an allegory." More than an hour later, he came back to correct himself, telling reporters he had misspoken."

Bush supposedly lost 3.2 million of 'em...but Howard can't find one Job.

"Greater love hath no man than to attend the Episcopal Church with his wife," said L.B.J....and that was before the Right Reverend John Bryson Chane, Bishop of Washington sermonized thusly:

"And what was God thinking... when the Angel Gabriel was sent by God to reveal the sacred Quran to the prophet Muhammad?"...Were these just random acts...or was the Angel Gabriel who appears as the named messenger of God...in the Quran of Islam, really the same miraculous messenger of God who proclaimed to a then emerging religious, global community and to us this morning that we are ALL children of the living God? And...we share a common God and the same divine messenger. And...we are now called to cooperatively work together to make the world a haven for harmony, peace, equality and justice for the greatest and least among us."

The Bush Administration immediately issued this statement: "Epislam is a Religion of Peace...Happy Eidster, everybody!"

Devout cynic, H.L. Mencken: "It is my belief, as a friendly neutral in all such high and ghostly matters, that the body of doctrine known as Modernism is completely incompatible, not only with anything rationally describable as Christianity, but also with anything deserving to pass as religion in general. Religion, if it is to retain any genuine significance, can never be reduced to a series of sweet attitudes, possible to anyone not actually in jail for felony. It is, on the contrary, a corpus of powerful and profound convictions, many of them not open to logical analysis...What the Modernists have done...[is] to get rid of all the logical difficulties of religion, and yet preserve a generally pious cast of mind. It is a vain enterprise. What they have left, once they have achieved their imprudent scavenging, is hardly more than a row of hollow platitudes, as empty [of] psychological force and effect as so many nursery rhymes..."

Sunday, January 04, 2004

(Far) From the World of Entertainment: 


Death Row Records recently released a compilation of re-mixes by the late Tupac Shakur . His mother, Afeni Shakur, has put together a soundtrack album for MTV's "Tupac: Resurrection" film.

Not to be outdone, Death Cult Records (in assholciation with al Jezeera Artists) today released a new video by the dead/living rapper Uzama. Although his mother, Wife no.#13, claimz that Uzama is still alive, intelligenze offizials have zome doubtz; in the new video, 'Uzama' mentionz recent eventz, but also demandz that the Sovietz leave Afghaniztan at onze.

In conjunction with the video, Death Cult has also released "Uzama'z Greatest Hitz" a collection of club-bombing re-mixes from the dead/living composer/decomposer.

Songs include "Dominique de V. is My Biatch", "Uzama'z in the Cave!", "Saddam Sux"--a duet with the late Abooty Nidal and "You'll Never Git Me in Gitmo!" with those Riyadhi rappers, Sand Ni--ahz. And who can ever forget the classic "Buszh Knew!", the Dem.Undergound hit featuring candidate/rapper Dr. Dréan.

In other entertaining news, Saddam "Scruffy" Comb-less was arrested in Tikrit with handguns, his own taxi and large amounts of cash. Jennifer Lopez announced that she was leaving the artist formerly known as 'President' for the first mediocre white-bread actor with whom she could make bad movies.

Thursday, January 01, 2004

The Manufactured News Network Is On the Air! 


Some scientists think that obesity may be a 'disease' caused by a virus. National Institues of Fault spokesman Dr. E. Vade Blaime said researchers were also on the brink of mapping the 'irresponsibility gene', widely believed to be responsible for every bad thing that has ever happened to anybody, anywhere, at any time.

President Mohammad Khatami of Iran said "Our religious principles...leave no room for nuclear arms." When asked to identify those principles, he listed "faith, prayer, alms, fasting and lying through one's teeth in the face of overwhelming evidence."

This week-end, New Jersey's Gov. James McGreevey is expected to give birth through Caesarian decree to a law that legalizes human fetal cloning for spare parts. The proud Papa-to-be stated "We New Jerseyans are as gods. And remember; a fruit-of -the-tree-of-knowledge-of-good-and-evil a day keeps the doctor away!".

NJ Commissioner of Human Agriculture Lou Siffer said "We want consumers to choose New JerseyBrand Human Parts(tm) wherever human beings are bought, sold or harvested!" Also under the nascent law, New Jersey would be re-anti-christened as "The Human Garden State".

Five Justices of the Supreme Court ruled yesterday that public nudity is now mandatory under-article XI, which states: "The Judicial power of the United States shall not be construed to any suit...". Wearing clothes in private still remains legal, at least until the next time the Court convenes.

Justices John Paul "I have not yet begun to fiat!" Stephens, Dr. Ruth Baden-Baden, Brer' Stephen Breyer Patch, Sandra Day N'Nighter and David "Cheap" Souter further unraveled the fabric of the Constitution with their ruling in "Nude Watch v. Peeping".

Speaking for the International Community, Justice Day N'Nighter said "I was persuaded by the plaintiffs' claim that we were all, in fact, 'born that way'". Justice Kennedy dissented, claiming that Shakespeare intended only 'virtual public nudity' when he wrote the Constitution. The remaining three Justices held out for a "Helen Thomas-Concientious Objector's" exclusion, calling the decision "a naked power-grab".

In other Court news, the phrase "God save this honorable court!" will no longer open each proceeding. Instead, the bailiff will intone "My, what lovely new robes the Emperors are wearing today!" to greet each busy legislative session.

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